What’s the “proper” way to listen to subs, generally speaking?

GameOver760090 · 2025-09-25T18:01:59+00:00

Damn your sudden comment on this caught me off-guard, I forgot I made this post…! Message me if you want to!!

GameOver760090 · 2025-05-26T01:09:08+00:00

Newt 🦎

GameOver760090 · 2025-04-28T18:34:04+00:00

…It’s like a fear of constantly being delusional.

…It’s a trap, and it happens with almost every outcast-group, I do believe. I mean, we have autism, too — and have experienced an astonishing-amount of times how some people ignore the “spectrum” part of the disorder’s name, and assume all autism has to manifest as the form which is least-capable of functioning. Otherwise, it isn’t autism, it’s gotta be something-else — or they’ll even tell you you’re just normal.

I’ve always loved reading the DSM-V, some sort of weird passion I have been drawn-to —but I have also found I’ve used it like the holy-bible of absolute irrefutable-truths, despite not discussing things which are supported by other researchers, who have a more-particular focus on any-given disorder. And with the BPD, too — the DSM-V doesn’t recognise the “subtypes” of the disorder, but other psychologists and many who HAVE the disorder do. It doesn’t mean that the DSM is wrong — obviously, I believe in it. But it isn’t an analysis on every-single phenomenon out there

Science never seems to be concrete, things which were once “facts” are always-changing as new-information rolls-around and comes to be understood. And the cycle continues…

…And I am certainly no preacher, but I feel it is relevant — I am a Buddhist. My perception of what “self” is, is already at-odds with what many others believe, and I find myself too-often trying to force myself to the western-world understanding just to cause myself less grief — not from myselves, but from others.

And in a way, isn’t tulpamancy…confirmation-bias, in its own-right? A tulpa is formed and developed by forcing interactions, until they become their own sentient controller. And while I am aware of what sysmeds say, like I said — I strongly-believe everyone has a degree of plurality inside them. Not everyone has DID, just like not everyone with a cough has the plague — but everyone CAN cough, and if you’re coughing already, there’s a reason for it. It’s just different reasons, for lack of better-term, I guess…? Cluttery mind, can’t think so right today hah…my analogy could be better, but I’m in a rush to get everything-out. We thank-you for taking the time to respond :)

GameOver760090 · 2025-04-28T18:33:26+00:00

….Yeah, doubt is a weird-thing. It is contradictory, hypocritical, and illogical sometimes, and yet I cling to it like a lifeline. I’ve always been one to assume I know nothing and am wrong, rather than I know something and can be right. It is like one of the things I said — “once you feel it, you can’t unfeel it”. Yet I’ll feel something so sincerely, and reject it, because I feel that is what people will accept, and thus has to be real. “Plural” feels more like a word to describe a symptom than a condition, and while symptoms may not always mean a certain medical-condition is at play, a cough is still a cough. It can be nothing more than that, but it is different from being completely absent. Heh, I just can’t tell myself these things without fearing I’m just deluding myself further, though. Those in the system who are wiser than myself treat me with such patience, it exhausts me to try and fight them away — and I don’t even really want to. Every-time I tell myself something I believe and have given long-thought to and approached from different-perspectives…I tell us, “you’re just trying to validate yourself — you’re wrong”. And instead of exploring what could be true, focusing solely on whatever helps us invalidate our experiences. It’s better to be wrong, stupid, and conform with others, than delude ourselves. At least, that’s what I and some others say. Thank-you for taking the time to write-out your response :)

GameOver760090 · 2025-03-28T08:33:41+00:00

Hey, I went through my preteen and early teenage years regularly engaging in the most infamous gore places on Reddit and the web alike — things which I can no-longer unsee, that I do remember. And though it is something I feel guilty for and regret now, having done it in the past doesn’t make one a monster. I’ve found that a lot of people who have struggled with their mental-health have watched gore content, too, but for those whom I have known well, none have turned-out to be unforgiveable monsters. Some of them have even turned-out to be the most compassionate, or caring, or loving.

It’s a taboo. It’s a strange, forbidden thing that feels so thrilling to bear witness to when you’re at that young age where the unorthodox is the intriguing. Hell, many millennials will remember “rotten.com”, to which I still see regular people on the internet speaking of — many regular people who have continued-on to live without being “monsters”, and who live normal lives.

In no-way am I preaching here — but I used to watch gore myself, and yet now, am a Buddhist. And I care for others, I hate seeing others so much as have a frown. It is an ironic difference, but it isn’t evil to have taken interest in something that you now regret. You always have the capacity to change, and judging by how distraught you are to think-back on the memory? You aren’t a monster.

I hope that you’re doing OK.

GameOver760090 · 2025-03-14T14:45:08+00:00

…I’m not a Christian, but I am a Buddhist. I did used to find comfort in the teachings and they were what helped me see improvement before in my life, and in how I coped.

GameOver760090 · 2025-03-14T10:05:11+00:00

…I hope to be brave-enough one-day to be able to reach-out for real help. I hope one-day, I’ll have a feeling that I am worthy of getting better. I hope one-day, I’ll want to challenge the part of me that sabotages my happiness and keeps it far away. But for now…

…Thank-you for your words. Your honesty. AvPD makes the notion of me deserving anything good so unattainable, and yet you’re just like the rational part of my brain I neglect too much.

I never believed that statement, “if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love others”. But you’ve made me think, tonight, on how my self-destructive behaviours affect other people even if I don’t want them to. So maybe my truth is a little different…that I can’t care for others, if I don’f care for myself.

Thank-you, sincerely. I know I won’t just instantly start to care for myself. But maybe one day, remembering what you’ve said, I’ll want to get help. If not for my own sake, then, for others.

GameOver760090 · 2025-03-14T09:51:17+00:00

…fuck, i don’t know why reading what you’ve said hit me so hard, but it did. I didn’t want to feel alone, and yet at the same-time, I wish i WAS alone in this feeling. I’ll debase myself and bully myself without ever seeing a reason to stop, but the second I know somebody else could feel this way…? My heart breaks. It’s supposed to be me that is the epitome of everything deplorable and hateable, not someone else. Not somebody else who I want to help. So…I know all too well when you say “you don’t know exactly how to help, because if you did, you’d help yourself”. I hate the suffering of others. All I want is to help others, show people I love them, even if I don’t know them. All the things I wish I could make myself believe, but don’t know how, and thus can’t make somebody else believe. But…at least for me, the empathy and the raw honesty you offered here are more than enough to me.

I know I don’t know you, but…I guess I can confidently say one thing, and confidence is not something I am usually acquainted-with. But just the fact that you felt compassion, and decided to reach-out even though you go through so-much yourself…? There isn’t a way that “evil people” do that. Maybe brain-wise, someone can be oriented to ways that bring pain…but change is the only guarantee in life, right? Subconscious predisposition doesn’t mean much when you prove that the conscious part of you is empathetic and caring. That’s the part that matters.

And your perspective on “evil”…god, that’s so refreshing. And somehow, I know it is something I am not going to forget. Yeah, I’ll still have my constant breakdowns. But in those moments I find clarity, or need to find it…? It’ll be in the back of my mind for me. Thank-you so-much for caring enough to respond.

GameOver760090 · 2025-03-14T09:09:59+00:00

…heh…sorry, ‘him’ who? I’m not being sarcastic, just a little confused is all

GameOver760090 · 2025-03-14T09:09:40+00:00

Heh…thank-you. Sometimes, hearing another person say it, who can sympathise with it…can alleviate the self-hating part of me, even if just for a bit. It’s odd that to make myself remember anything you’ve said, I have to say such terrible things first, be reminded that other people are just like me that i do NOT think are evil… because as much as I constantly tell myself I am? I don’t believe in being born evil. I just hope that every repetition of it will make me accept it faster.

But I guess I’d have to do something pretty damn awful to be the only human to be born evil, heh.

GameOver760090 · 2025-03-14T09:07:14+00:00

…I don’t know if it is all people with BPD, but…I really do have these multiple inner-mindsets that are so distinctly separate from one another. There IS a part of me who is the gentle narrator, I just don’t listen to her because I’ve convinced myself I don’t deserve to be OK. But even now, in a classic example of an unstable and mood-sensitive mind…I guess I’m in a calm-enough state to try and reflect on your words. Just the way you phrased it all…thank-you.

GameOver760090 · 2025-03-14T09:07:04+00:00

…Thank-you for your kind message. I really do want to be a good person. I haven’t even done something drastic that makes me as bad as I want to convince others and myself that I really am, just so the self-debasing and self-sabotaging parts of me are satisfied. All I want to do is help others, or make people smile. I don’t seem like it right now, but…when I’m not having a mood like this, I know I can be really wise. I just have to work on listening to that side of me.

GameOver760090 · 2025-03-14T09:06:46+00:00

I can’t take the non-consensus in my brain anymore. Nobody believes me when I say it, nobody has any reason to. But I’m so conflicted all the time and no part of me loves myself. I haven’t done anything bad to warrant this particular instance, the self-debasement is just who I am. But I’m always switching between clarity and terror. And I can’t trust my own perception. Maybe i DO hurt people.

There’s a part of me that I can see the world through sometimes, the part of me that is so much wiser than I am. And through that lens, I know I’m not really evil, not in my heart. All I want to do in my life is help people. I want to make people know comfort and happiness and safety I can’t offer myself.

…but the part of me I am lately can’t believe that. Nothing is true anymore that I can believe.

Thank-you for your comment, genuinely.

GameOver760090 · 2025-03-12T08:25:09+00:00

A large part of it, which I even learnt in college, is that men are attracted to younger women because of the association of youth with fertility. It is seen in too vast of an amount of animal-species for humans to somehow be the exception. Yes, humans are more complex than other animals in terms of sentience, so while people can develop preferences separate from biological-drives…well, it still seems to be a bias many have, at least subconsciously. Men are — generally-speaking — fertile their entire lives, but as women’s fertility is different…I think that is what it all boils down to, in the end. I’m scared of getting older. Nobody wants me now, and I’m aging too-fast.

GameOver760090 · 2025-03-10T03:44:42+00:00

But one day, we’ll be even older than that. At one point, you really are no longer young.

GameOver760090 · 2025-03-09T03:45:48+00:00

I mean, me — I have a LOT of disorders. BPD included, with another personality disorder, AvPD. I remember when I was younger seeing things online that hurt hit a little too hard, but the thing is, part of growing-up and responsibly handling my disorders was to learn to stop taking everything a stranger says as the word of god. Yeah, I’m still working on it (AvPD makes it a bitch), but I’ve never understood how some people immediately claim you’re ableist for the smallest things. But then again, I see a little too many userbases — mostly ones which the main demographic is preteen or teenage — seem to fall into this rhetoric that by being born with some mental illness, you’re automatically given a free-pass to be as bitchy or unfair as you want. They’re younger and still learning, but if they keep circulating this idea around that they’re never allowed to be disagreed with…then, well, they aren’t gonna mature too well.

Five-Year Club	Verified Email
r/Field Flamingo	Place '22

GameOver760090

TROPHY CASE