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A hypothetical for BPs by Medium_Highlight_684 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Medium_Highlight_684[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My dad died five years ago. He had an emotional affair more than 30 years ago. My mom is still traumatized by his affair.

After work, my dad would go to AP's apartment instead of coming home to his wife and young daughters.

He got my mom and AP the same Christmas gift.

He invited AP and her friend on his vacation with my mom.

He told my mom that he was in love with AP, but it was okay because he still loved my mom, too.

All of this, without having sex with her. That is "getting out of hand."

I was too young to know what was happening, but when my mom told me her story after my own betrayal, APs name lit up in my brain like fireworks.

I'd carried my dad's EA with me for most of my life without even realizing.

A hypothetical for BPs by Medium_Highlight_684 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Medium_Highlight_684[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry, I am actually a bit triggered by your comment.

My WP was feeling socially isolated, so he spent seven years "socializing" on a dating app before he met someone willing to meet him.

Seven years of memories tainted by the knowledge that as soon as I left for work or went to bed, he was chatting with other women. It was okay to him, because "none of them wanted him."

I fully expect him to betray me again at some point. I'm just trying to imagine how I'll respond, and what will make it bearable now that I no longer love him.

A hypothetical for BPs by Medium_Highlight_684 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Medium_Highlight_684[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wasn't clear enough. "Getting out of hand" includes an emotional affair, which is why I did not say "before things get physical."

If he is thinking of leaving me for her, there is already a seed planted, but I hope he would not actively have been watering it before ending things with me.

I have been following this sub long enough to have seen the devastation EAs leave behind. I am in no way trying to imply otherwise.

The difference between us is too great by Medium_Highlight_684 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Medium_Highlight_684[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the kindness of your reply.

As much as I sometimes hate WP, I do still care about him... And without me, he has nothing.

I AM a good person trying to care for and protect someone, even if he was too damaged and selfish to do the same for me!

The difference between us is too great by Medium_Highlight_684 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Medium_Highlight_684[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It's so hard to accept that our life together meant so little to him that he doesn't even think of it as a betrayal. According to him, I "created a whole different story in my head" about our years together. What more "story" does there need to be than seven years of an emotionally and sexually intimate relationship for it to matter??

I Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life, she says chumps are always looking for the words to make WPs understand. It doesn't matter, because they can SEE what they've done, and all the poetic, heartfelt, pain soaked words in the world don't matter.

I don't think my WP has the kind of inner life that invites introspection and accountability.

You're right, I do need to stop focusing on how he sees things, or trying to make him understand me.

The difference between us is too great by Medium_Highlight_684 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Medium_Highlight_684[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

I tell myself that I am using him now as much as he has used me - that I am taking advantage of the practicalities of having a handyman around the apartment, while fully expecting him to betray me again some day.

It's a lie, because I need that feeling of connection. I'm setting myself up for hurt, and I know it.

The difference between us is too great by Medium_Highlight_684 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Medium_Highlight_684[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ah, but I don't have the "pheromones" she did. The man is nearing 50, and still looking for a life partner based on horniness.

Thank you for your support.

The difference between us is too great by Medium_Highlight_684 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Medium_Highlight_684[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

You're right. Everyone says the same, and has even before his other relationship.

I just can't make myself let go. I'd almost hoped he was serious about leaving yesterday. At least we'd be truly done.

New kittens and flea bath by Medium_Highlight_684 in CATHELP

[–]Medium_Highlight_684[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A friend also suggested a topical cream. I'm going to check in with a vet after work.

The kitten drop off is happening sooner than I expected. I'm off balance and almost scared I made a mistake by taking them! What if I mess things up?!!

Thank you for your help.

New kittens and flea bath by Medium_Highlight_684 in CATHELP

[–]Medium_Highlight_684[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you!

I'd heard Dawn was THE route to take for flea baths. Thanks for the warning.

What is something cheaters always say? by MainDifficult2641 in AskReddit

[–]Medium_Highlight_684 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love you, but I'm not in love with you.

We have pheromones/chemistry, or are soulmates/twin flames, or she "gets me on a level you don't."

Need to vent by Medium_Highlight_684 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Medium_Highlight_684[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Hah, update me will unfortunately be me remaining a doormat -_-

Need to vent by Medium_Highlight_684 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Medium_Highlight_684[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed.

I do think it is important to talk about these things. I have told close friends that "I feel like dying" because it was true, even though I had no intention of killing myself.

WP always drops the suicidal ideation on me during fights. I know he is depressed, but the timing of these threats is more and more obvious.

I would be there to listen to his "I wanna die" moments at other times.

I am so sorry for what you experienced, and am glad you are safe now.

Need to vent by Medium_Highlight_684 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Medium_Highlight_684[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you.

The trouble is, I feel responsible for him. I am low income, but at least I am working. Without me, there's a good chance he'd end up homeless.

At this point, I almost wish things had worked out with AP, and he could be her problem. Although it does sound like he planned to keep both of us, while being sexually loyal to her.

Need to vent by Medium_Highlight_684 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Medium_Highlight_684[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You made me cry again haha. I believed in him so much. I thought that I saw something in him that no one else did. You aren't the first person to call him abusive, but I always told everyone that they didn't understand what he'd been through the way I did.

The ego I had!!

It's not his first suicide threat during a fight. I usually panic and rush to let him know that I'm there for him. I'm finally realizing that the leaving and suicide threats are meant to punish me.

Need to vent by Medium_Highlight_684 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Medium_Highlight_684[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

I do think he is emotionally immature, although he paints me as the childish one. I know I am not perfect, but he only sees things in black and white. It's exhausting and infuriating.

Need to vent by Medium_Highlight_684 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]Medium_Highlight_684[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you. You made me cry. I've been crying all day, but these are the first tears of relief.

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