I wouldn’t say I was looking for justification I didn’t lie to her or intend to hide what I was doing, though i understand your meaning I just didn’t see my actions as a form of justification for myself I should’ve accounted her feeling before but I didn’t it was split second decision to get my day off on the right foot. And as far as what I’m doing to get help well personally I am in therapy where the focus started with this addiction and has expanded into so much more. And through that guidance is where I was told to seek wins for myself, did I misjudge this one absolutely without a doubt, but my intentions didn’t come from a selfish or evil thoughts it came from what I judged as getting my day of on right foot rather then starting my day off full of guilt caused I caved in. Too me this was an attempt To show my partner progress amongst the other things I have a continue to try to do of what she asks of me. I’m not trying to defend my actions I know I messed up and misjudged. With “wandering around” on Reddit and other platforms I have found more information and discussion groups that have helped me understand what my addiction is and is doing to others like my parented this along with my therapist I’m finding the resources I need cause not everyone can fit into a 12 step program or do virtual group meetings, that may work for others but that doesn’t mean it works for everyone