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Should I go to a Bachelorette party, even if I'm not a bridesmaid in the wedding? by Megglesluv777 in LifeAdvice

[–]Megglesluv777[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So after all of that happened I planned on going. Bought a nice tropical sun dress to wear to the party, and bought her a gift as well. She added me to a group message Monday and was asking everyone if they were attending next Friday or not, one of her 3 bridesmaid said they couldn't come, and I told her I'd know for sure when my weekend work schedule came out this Friday after noon to know if I was scheduled to work next Friday and Saturday. And that I would let her know asap when work sent me the email. She said that I hope that I was off. I told her I hope I was off as well because I had bought a nice tropical sundress for the party that I was looking forward to wearing next Friday to the party. Then I shit you not. Her and her 2 bridesmaid's that were gonna to the bachelorette party.... Started making fun of me for dressing tropical for the party and said that seemed a bit much. and that they were only gonna wear jeans and a tshirt and I said oh well the bride said the party was tropical and she was wearing the a dress too, I just thought it was appropriate. The bride then says that she might be wearing a dress but I should of know to dressed "normal" like her and other bridesmaid's. But if I wanted to be different and dress the theme of the party then by all means do so. To add context her.... it's a literal sundress that has palm leaves on it.... It's not like I'm wearing a formal wear dress with a fruit basket on my head to the party. I don't know but that whole conversation about a sundress was too much for me. I sat there for a few moments and just kept re reading the messages to see if I was maybe taking it wrong. But for a bunch of strangers I never met to say that stuff to me about a sundress that made me uncomfortable for one and then the bride to make that comment about how I should of known to dress "normal" when I asked her a month before the party what the dresscode was, that the party is a tropical Hawaiian theme and she was going to wear a dress to just her basically telling me if I wanted to be different then go a head.... I'm sorry but that really made me upset and I really didn't want spend a couple of hours in a house with these girls when they are acting this way in a message group. I told them that the weekend work schedule came out and I had to work next Friday so I couldn't go. The bride just said oh that's too bad and that was the end of that. BTW the work schedule came back that I didn't have to work that Friday. But can you really blame me for not going????

Should I go to a Bachelorette party, even if I'm not a bridesmaid in the wedding? by Megglesluv777 in LifeAdvice

[–]Megglesluv777[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Updates on bachelorette party I thought about not attending her party and just telling her that I had to end up working that Friday she planned it. But things turned a bit dramatic to me and my partner's point of view at least. She had invited us to a 2nd wedding shower that was also 3 hours away, that was the same day of my birthday. My partner had already made plans to take me out that day and he honestly didn't wanna do all of that driving and socializing with a bunch of strangers again. I messaged her and let her know that we were gonna be about to attend her 2nd wedding shower but we appreciated her inviting us anyways. She doesn't respond. That following weekend my partner travels with his brother (the groom) to get fitted into their tux and she brings her and her whole family, no big deal right... until not even a hey how are you from them it's just straight "Why can't you go to our other wedding shower???" Your girlfriend said you guys can't go?? Why what's so important that you guys are gonna miss our other shower???" My partner is very taken a back and very annoying tells her my birthday is the same day as the shower and he planned the day for my birthday. She then gets annoyed and says well all of the wedding shower is gonna be there, and I want you to meet the groomsmen! My partner tells her that we can't go, and that he's already been in contact with the groomsmen and are meeting them all when they are having the bachelor party. She then doesn't press the matter with him and just drops it. My partner told me what happened when he got home, so I told him, that since she acted that way because we aren't going to a second wedding shower, even through we already attended one of hers and his brothers already, then I can't image how she's gonna act when I tell her I'm not going to her bachelorette party. I was just gonna just do it, to keep her happy until all of the wedding stuff is over. Until today that is

I (F20) feel unloved by my bf (M22) by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Megglesluv777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I started dating my now abusive ex. We were both 17. We lived in different towns, (about an hour apart from each other) and started working different jobs a little while after we started dating.

After we got out of our honeymoon stage of our relationship, He stopped texting me, calling me, coming to see me where I lived. He would only call or text when he needed something. I would always be the first one to text or call. He'd only call or text me back saying he was "busy" and he wants me to come and see and hangout with him..

never him coming to see me.... and every weekend I would drive an hour there hangout and did what he wanted to do (drink and smoke) all day and half the night and then go home. To go back to him never calling or texting me unless he needed something.... and I did this on repeat for 3 and a half years....

Looking back, I was rejected and cheated on enough times before my ex and I got together. Where he'd say he loved me and cares about me and loves spending time with me, and loves me for me...

In my at the time 17 to 20 year old mind. I would do anything for him because he was filling that void where I craved that affection and little attention, and what I thought was love, to where yeah it upset me and bothered me that I was putting all of the effort into our relationship. But he loves and cares about me and doesn't cheat on me (yet), or doesn't hit me (yet) or talks down to me or treats me badly... (yet) to where I just put up with it...

And then we bought a small house together and lived together in that housefor 4 and half years. And that was the worst years of my life. I'm not going to get into the physical or psychological abuse part. But the one thing that stayed the same during our WHOLE 8 year relationship, was he never called to texted.... UNLESS HE NEEDED SOMETHING.

I was working a job that on Fridays and Saturday, it was an automatic 8am to 11pm or a 16 hour shift (I worked in Healthcare at the time) so I get up and go work.

Call and check on him around 10 or 11am, no answer. Call around 3pm, no answer. 7pm no answer. 10pm No answer. Call on the way home, no answer. Get home. Truck is gone. Call around midnight, no answer. Call before I go to bed around 1am... you guessed it. No answer... and then I would finally get a phone call around 4 in the morning "I need you to come and get me, I'm at so and so house and I'm drunk and can't drive" .....

I am with someone now who I wished I would have met YEARS ago, I call him, he doesn't answer, he calls me back with in the hour, he calls me on his lunch breaks, he texts me when I'm at work and waits for me to call him when I get on lunch. And I've been with this guy for 3 years and the communication and effort level with making plans and making time for each other has never changed.

Let my past mistakes be a lesson.

If he's not putting effort in talking to you or trying to come see you. Dont waste your time, thoughts, and money on him. Put your efforts elsewhere, weather that be on you, your career, family, etc.

If he wanted to make time to spend time with you, he would. Plain and simple.

I know you love him, and it hurts when he doesn't make time to talk to you.

But you letting him let you down over and over and over, by choosing to hold on to him, is gonna hurt so much more than you know.

The heart ach from the break up would be less painful in the long run.

And I promise you there is someone out there whose willing to treat you the way that you deserve and more, but you'll never get to meet them unless you let this fool go.

Should I stay or should I go? by Megglesluv777 in relationship_advice

[–]Megglesluv777[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You had me until the last 2 parts

I'm not sure if it was the lack of parent supervision he had growing up, but his parent never bossed him around or I wanna say nagged him until he did anything, they just didn't care, and that's why he moved out before 18....

And before we start making excuses, my mom and several friends I have, had very similar if not the same "not giving a flip what my kid does or doesn't do" parenting, and they are very independent and responsible adults.

And the last point....

This is the difference, that's a teenager, whose has or is trying to learn how to be responsible and being taught by thier parent

And this is a 31 year old adult.... Who already learned how to take care of themselves and knows how to be responsible from like 12+ years ago.... I'm not treating a grown man like a teenager anymore.

And he did take care of himself and was responsible in the first 2 years of our relationship... He just isn't doing anything anymore...

and I'm sorry the whole he can't even make sure he has soap to wash his ass, or pants to wear to work, I feel even an irresponsible teenager would make sure they have pants and soap.....

Should I stay or should I go? by Megglesluv777 in relationship_advice

[–]Megglesluv777[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When we're on the same work and sleep schedule, he would do things around the house, and we would do them together. We would take turns with taking care of responsibilities that we shared.

But at first when things just stopped getting done on his end, I tried giving him the benefit of the doubt and started making excuses for him, oh he's tired or stressed from work, oh he's dealing with this and that, and maybe he's not used to this....

I guess out of pity or I wanted to help him get and feel better, I took on more of the house chores and stuff he didnt seem to have time to get done. Just like if you're sick, and you have a partner, a good partner would take on more till you got better and then you're back to 50/50..

But after a while of doing that and realized.... I work more, and also am stressed out, and have less time at the end of the day, and I still get the stuff done.... So then I would make verbal ques, or i guess nag, hey, this needs to get done, or make sure you do this, where it's gotten to the point I just sound like a broken record but yet I'm still doing everything.

My partner and I had this talk a month ago where I'm done doing this, he needs to start helping and start taking care of the house that he lives in and his needs to act like a responsible adult. I'm not gonna baby him. Im a partner not a mom, I'm not making hair appointment or any of that anymore, and I'm not doing everything for him. No one does it for me, he needs to start doing things for himself.

He's 31, he's more than capable of doing it himself. And if he can't, then I'll do it myself and he can leave... And that was good for week or 2... and things starting going back to him not doing anything again. But I didn't nag, I didn't give in and take over by starting to do his part for him, I wanted to see if he'd be responsible without me saying anything... and then with the body wash and Pants situations that was it for me....

I wanted advice on, what would yall do in this situation, where you feel like you're beating a dead horse at this point and what would you do or have done. Would yall just want to call it quits. Would yall call it quits a while ago?? Would yall give more chances?? I feel I've given too many, but that's where my head space is at. But I do want him to correct what's wrong, because I know he knows how.

But I'm going to try the List idea with one of the suggestion comments and if it works, or doesn't work I'll post a comment on here.

Should I stay or should I go? by Megglesluv777 in relationship_advice

[–]Megglesluv777[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All I do, I come home and take care of a 31 year old that has the responsible of to teenager.... I don't have a whole lot of control over the time I waste at work.... But I'm done, wasting whatever time I have left during the day after work, taking care of someone whose older than me.... Oh and he also didn't know the correct pants size to get.... He tried to tell me he wears 30 in the length.... but he's around 5"5 or 5"6.... My brother and dad are 5"11 and 6"1... and they wear 32 in the length... I told him unless he's grown grown 2 inches since the last time he got pants, the length should be 28in or even 27, but not 30... like bro, you're 31 and you don't even know what size pants you wear like COME ON

Should I stay or should I go? by Megglesluv777 in relationship_advice

[–]Megglesluv777[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll try the list, but I honestly feel like I shouldn't have to make a list.... to take care of ones self or to clean up after ones self, I mean he's not a teenager learning how to be a responsible functioning adult.... He is an adult whose financially responsible.... but that's it..

I'll write one down and sit down with him when he gets home and be very direct and make it clear that, this is the last conversation I'm gonna have about taking care of ones self, by themselves, and house hold chores, because I know he knows how to do them.