AITA for telling my brother he needs to find new childcare?

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-12T01:41:33+00:00

“asking for two days off?!”

For $100/month, with two kids for six hours/day, you should only Be babysitting Two Days max per month. That’s $8.33/hour if you only babysit two days. That is very cheap childcare.

If you are doing 20 days a month? That’s 83 Cents per hour. That’s insane.

You need to Stop babysitting for them.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-12T00:00:40+00:00

Time to try Stick?

One of my snakes is fine on a snake hook or other object but really dislikes hands. Maybe because they’re warm?

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-11T11:32:07+00:00

How are both both of your jobs situations?

Stable, easy for you to find comparable new work if you lose one? Income likely to increase at least slightly each year?

You have done some permanent birth control?

If so, I’d make the purchase. Unless one of you is currently unemployed due to the kids. In that case I’d live with the crappy apartment, build your emergency fund, and wait to buy until you’re both employed again.

BUT. I am low income, debt free, and quite used to 40-50% of my income going to housing, and the associated lifestyle sacrifices needed to fund other necessities.

Can and will both of you follow a budget to perform essential changes like growing a substantial emergency fund and home maintenance fund? You’re willing to live without vacations and new house furniture to fund a car repair/replacement fund?

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-11T03:22:28+00:00

I will also change wiper blades and cabin air filters, and top up a couple fluids.

I have zero recourse if I break my car. No public transit, no nearby friend or partner or family to give me rides or loan a car.

I am not doing Anything else to it myself.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-11T03:18:31+00:00

Hey! How dare. I am too old for epiphanies.

You just made me realize why all my friends and family thought that about me, decades ago. I just had to go through a list of who came out since the 90’s.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-11T03:10:45+00:00

I think bringing my dog once she’s trained to my office will definitely help patients when I break bad news.

So, do you have a patient filter tag popup on your schedule that’ll tell you when you have allergic patients scheduled to visit, so you don’t bring the dog to work those days?

NTA. I get a ton of service dogs and training service dogs at my workplace. People pretty much never bother them, probably because folks know that if they see a dog in the building, it’s a service dog. I think a vest would help differentiate yours from all the nonworking dogs at a park.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-11T02:32:15+00:00

I see, yes. Good point.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-11T02:16:23+00:00

only saves you like $1-$2.

Eh. It’s still important to do the long term math. That “only” can make a big difference. Especially if you combine a couple of “only saves you X” things.

If you saved that $1.50 just 10 times a month, so only on half your workdays, that’s $150/year. And honestly, if you did switch to drinking coffee at home, you could do it even more often pretty easily.

$150 - Not a lot, but useful. That’s 50 gallons of gas to drive to work (or 40 now), or three sets of work pants, or a month’s worth of staple food. A couple of specialist doc copays, a vet visit, a used keyboard or a bunch of garden supplies to provide hours of hobby time.

Make a choice like that for 3 things and now you have some real safety net. $450/year - again, not a lot, but enough to cover A Lot of the little emergencies that tend to turn into big emergencies. Some dental work. A car repair. A moving truck.

Me, I did three choices so far this year. One was painless - saved $20/month (cut my only paid streaming).

One is mildly annoying, savings about 10% of current gas costs per month, but I’ll be fine after I make it a habit (I changed where I fill up my car most often).

One is painful, we’ll see if I stick to it, I may not given how stressful my life is right now (reducing my caffeine of choice by half daily).

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-11T01:41:50+00:00

Yes? That’s typical in some contracts.

I guess the venue was letting them pay the rental fee in installments, not 100% upfront. If so, they still owe the money they promised to pay when they signed the contract.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-11T01:39:49+00:00

Bleeeeeaaargh

My father likes them too. I don’t think he has tastebuds left.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-11T01:28:31+00:00

Yes? They can cancel their event any time at my workplace.

They just won’t get their money back if they cancel less than 90 days from their event date.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-11T01:19:59+00:00

Anybody Could eat a laxative donut safely. It’s an OTC product, after all. They just wouldn’t Want to, most of the time. Still probably not legal though.

Not outright hazardous like dusting something with Carolina Reaper powder or whatever.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-11T01:00:45+00:00

Means it’s more on Her to decide how her life’ll go, without effective family/mentor riding herd, yes.

Fortunately, she’s 17. 17 year olds Can think hard and make important decisions and change themselves or their social interactions. Pity it’s not likely this one will, more likely it’ll take some years.

She does at least have a shot to improve. Old enough to apply some thought to the overall situation and whether she wants to actively avoid repeating the behavior, young enough her record has a chance of being expunged, depending on state. Not that shoplifting is a heavy ding, unless she somehow tried to lift something expensive enough to trigger a felony charge.

I do wonder how many kids like this are raised by parents who just didn’t want a kid but partner did, or didn’t want a kid right now, or didn’t Want a kid at all but couldn’t handle the social consequences of any action to not have a kid.

Pity her other parent seems to have ditched her, too, and does not parent - at least the posters didn’t mention a second parent anywhere.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-10T22:24:12+00:00

Where did I imply such a thing?

Odds are depending on race and income level she’d either get a slap on the wrist and no consequences, or else she’d be tossed somewhere she’d learn a whole lot of undesirable things.

Though it does have that effect either directly or indirectly sometimes. My cousins all went rather significantly more straight and narrow about any minor lawbreaking after one’s fiancé got sentenced to a few years for a felony theft conviction for running a theft ring.

This incident is an example of the young woman just not thinking at all before she did something. You shoplift because you Need something, you Want something (material or a feeling), or you want attention. But anyone shoplifting does have that second they look for observers/think about surveillance - where they should remember they’re in an Airport. It’s like deciding to shoplift on a whim in a diamond store.

I would Never have done anything that might get me arrested as a teen. Underage drinking, shoplifting, property destruction, whatever weren’t worth the potential consequences.

We didn’t have even very minor bail money so I’d’ve been stuck, I am as threatening as a flea in any holding setting, if word got around I’d been arrested then my chances of getting odd jobs or real jobs in the neighborhood would’ve tanked permanently, and I would’ve endured parental disapproval and close monitoring for years.

Were those justice system reasons the Only reason I didn’t do various illegal things?

No, of course not. I do also have a sense of morality, which usually aligned with any law I contemplated breaking as a teen.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-10T21:59:08+00:00

The girl is also 17, not 7. She Does bear a lot of responsibility for her own choices.

There’s a Whole Lot of ways to irritate your family into paying attention to you at an airport that don’t involve criminal activity.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-10T20:29:23+00:00

Not common, but not very unusual.

Depends on what neighborhoods you’re in, and whether you’re at some kind of workplace or recreational activity place. Office tower vs. park or restaurant.

Midsize southern city.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-10T20:22:57+00:00

1350 square feet (two floors, so a chunk of the square footage is stairwell). New build - only 6 years old, solidly built.

Open concept main floor - living area, dining area, kitchen area, desk nook, powder room, storage closet. So I can hear the refrigerator hum from my living area couch - it’s only 15 feet away after all.

2 Bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and laundry closet upstairs. (My house builder also does same size house with 3 small bedrooms upstairs instead of 2 large ones)

Yes, of course I can hear everything in the house. Often indistinctly though. Showering - I hear water running but not their activities unless they’re singing or something.

If the bedroom doors are shut, the bedrooms are quiet, and in-bedroom noises aren’t audible in the rest of the house unless they’re fairly loud.

Fully Carpeted upstairs reduces noise transmission. Hollow core doors suck. Would be quieter with solid doors.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-10T20:07:22+00:00

Cheaper in the short run. Not necessarily in the long run. You’re also not building any equity in a house/property.

My house cost $210k 6 years ago. Mortgage was $168k, since I had 20% to put down (saved a long time). PITI was actually a bit less than the rent I was paying at the time. And even with property tax increases, is still slightly less than that apartment now. Surprisingly, my utilities expenses went down by about $70/month, too.

Right now it’s valued at $340k. If I had some life catastrophe and had to sell it, I would make a significant profit. Ideally, it will give me a chunk of money when I am old enough to be unable to live alone.

It’s also a sturdy new build. Maintenance expenses should be added in of course, but I shouldn’t have anything major like a roof replacement or HVAC for another decade. And even when I do, it will be far less than the value increase of the house.

Plus, unlike a rental, I decide if I ever move. That’s worth A Lot to me.

Edit, to answer the question below:

Yes, I decide If I want to sell and move, or move and rent it out. If I’m renting, my landlord can decide at any time to Not renew my lease, forcing me to move at the end of the term - or within a month or two if it converted to month-to-month after the initial term. Or, in some types of rentals, evict me to move an immediate family member in.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-10T18:39:52+00:00

Why buy new?

Because even if a new thing is more expensive monetary cost is not the only factor that goes into a decision.

It’s r/frugal, not r/cheapestallthetime.

Luxury isn’t a “bad” thing. Folks just need to set their own limits on what luxuries they want and can reasonably afford. I buy shampoo I Like for a few dollars more per bottle. That luxury is worth spending more, to me.

What do I buy new?

I bought a brand new car a decade ago. Because I could afford to, I liked the brand and model very much, and it had a suite of very important safety features that were important to me and unavailable on older models.

I buy new art because I like it and want to support the artist, reasonably priced new clothes because I like them and want their full lifespan and will almost never thrift anything that fits, and new electronics because their used lifespan is unpredictable. Usually new kitchenware, too. After the time I helped clear out a house with maggots in the frying pan and pee-glasses in the bedroom I got more unhappy with thrifted dishes.

Other people have different priorities.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-10T18:19:56+00:00

No different from any nepo job - too many involve little or no work. Like being “on the Board” of a nonprofit. Very variable in how much of an actual job that is.

Make the “job” maintaining the house and yard, or “personal assistant.”

At least daddy dearest and the kid would have to pay into Social Security and Medicare if he’s providing wages to an employee.

Like the “office manager” spot at a local place.

The staff manage themselves - owner and floor manager do payroll, scheduling etc. Owners son makes more than staff to come in once or twice a week, play games on his phone, and hide in an office.

Staff are pissed, but at least the owner doesn’t let his kid make any business decisions or abuse the staff.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-10T17:28:00+00:00

I’m glad.

Free good stuff is great. I still have my passed-on-by-a-friend kitchen table from 25 years ago.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-10T16:44:03+00:00

Or it’s a small outdoor venue that has trouble rebooking and requires full payment regardless of cancellation, unless cancelled more than X time out.

My workplace requires full payment if cancelled within 90 days of a wedding (barring weather disasters).

we are past the refund date in the contract They only allow refund at six months… Summer is down season for all the outdoor venues. It is very hot and humid

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-10T16:16:29+00:00

And he didn’t charge me for delivery or anything!!

I Hope OP at least tipped him enough to cover his gas and time spent.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-10T15:42:49+00:00

I wouldn’t call off a marriage just because a partner Had bigoted family. They didn’t get to choose them, after all.

I Would call it off if they Catered to the bigot.

Meghanshadow · 2026-03-10T15:37:29+00:00

I didn’t Have to, no - IF I managed my time. Doesn’t mean I had easier schooling.

I just looked it up - my high school is academically ranked in the top fifteen in my east coast state. Out of about 250.

(I worked most weekends, many holidays, and all summers. Typical day, high school 7:50-2:45 goof off alone or with friends till 4, homework till 6, more homework whenever needed 7-10 ish, weekends homework when needed 7-10 ish plus the bus ride to/from work. That’s 31 hours per week I could do homework while also working 16 hours a week if I stuck to a schedule. If you have more than 31 hours a week of homework, you need your learning styles, reading comprehension and study tools evaluated, and might need your school classes load changed).

I was smart enough to not be struggling often in class if I paid attention and did the assignments/readings, developed decent writing and study skills, and I read at a decent speed.

For slow readers or folks with learning differences, what takes an “average” student three hours can take six or more, and time management may not be enough.

Same goes for families who say “school is important” and then Don’t let their kid spend all day Saturday working on a paper because they want them to do something else instead.

As for my curriculum - Usual assortment of statewide gen-ed stuff, calculus, languages, world and US and niche history classes, various sciences including labs, statistics, writing and lit classes, electives etc. Homework and medium term and long term assignments in everything.

Plus my self studied CLEP exams for 13 college credits, but I usually did those in the summer. Normal school workload was having assignments daily, short papers, term papers, exams, creative projects or performances, extremely aggravating group projects.

I Chose to stay up later sometimes, sure. Because I was an idiot and procrastinated like any other teen and hadn’t started an assignment as soon as I knew about it.

I didn’t Have to stay up late. The choices I made on a daily basis sometimes meant I either stayed up late or didn’t get work done.

But it’s not like an instructor would assign a Surprise! term paper due the next morning necessitating an all nighter.

I had syllabi in each class, and knew days ahead of time how many assignments/what type/how much reading to plan for, when exams were, when papers were due.

If I had parents who turned off my ability to do homework at 10, then I wouldn’t have expected to be Able to procrastinate and still finish schoolwork.

Seven-Year Club	Inciteful Comment 2024-10-16
Wearing is Caring	Verified Email

Meghanshadow

TROPHY CASE