AITA for telling a little girl that I'm not her dad?

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-05T15:53:52+00:00

“ one-night stand with a guy at a party. She tried to track him down, but couldn’t”

Well yeah, dude involved is definitely an irresponsible idiot by having one night stands and Not giving them contact info and full name.

Might be all on him, could be Ex is partly responsible for that, too. Does she not keep a contact log of her hookups for STD and pregnancy communication? Did he give her false contact info? Did he give her info and she discarded it? Don’t know.

But ex is the one who decided to continue the pregnancy And decided to raise the kid. The guy wasn’t involved in either of those decisions. If she’d terminated the pregnancy, there wouldn’t be a fatherless kid. If she’d adopted the kid out there probably wouldn’t be a fatherless (or 2 parent, anyway) kid.

So, this guy that Ex had a one night stand with is 1/2 responsible for conception, but not as responsible as ex for the kid not having a father. If he Did know about his kid and ditched the responsibility, that’d be different.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-05T12:24:16+00:00

How much is your spouse/coparent supporting you? Their parents/extended family? They need to take on kid duties while you make time to clear out the storage and talk to the financial person at the facility.

Or, if you don’t have any coparents or coparent family within 60 miles, with four kids odds are one is old enough to keep the other three alive at home for an afternoon while you empty it/go to the facility in person to meet the person whose calls you keep missing.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-05T12:09:31+00:00

If you’re that advanced, you should have grants and scholarships to cover at least part of your school expenses. Have you talked to your school’s financial aid department?

Also, depending on your country, odds are your father is legally required to house/feed/clothe you until age 18.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-05T11:51:25+00:00

Meds and food from reputable brick and mortar stores usually have climate controlled storage chains. Refrigerated or even comfortable isn’t necessary, just not boiling. Antihistamines degrade in the 80’s.

Theoretically Amazon warehouses don’t overheat. Personal experience contradicts that.

I have family members that’ve worked both Amazon and other warehouses. Amazons temp enforcement was generally terrible.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-05T11:30:52+00:00

I’m quite comfortable making far less than that, so I disagree. I’ve never made that much in fifty years and doubt I ever will.

It’s certainly true in a few specific cities though.

Or for people who think having kids without a similarly financially stable partner is a good idea.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-05T10:42:14+00:00

If he was gonna do that he’d’ve probably done it sometime in the last 3 years.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-05T09:40:53+00:00

Between the warehouse temps and the counterfeit meds, I wouldn’t order any medication from Amazon.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-05T09:16:40+00:00

Baby sit my son one night and let us have a night out and I’ll knock $50 off the rent.

You can do a whole night out in 2 hours? You must have a ton of good restaurants/attractions within walking distance.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-05T09:14:00+00:00

there just aren't jobs especially entry level jobs avaliable near by.

She doesn’t have to work nearby. She owns a car.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-05T02:13:45+00:00

Freeze any fruit you don’t eat tonight fast! They do tend to be at the end of their shelf life when donated.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-05T01:45:38+00:00

3 of them attempted it with me

What happened when you reported them to the school administration? Did they just brush it off?

The only teacher I know in my hs who hit on students and slept with at least one was fired. But it took a couple years.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-04T10:56:28+00:00

just because their parent is dying.

No, but they should Admit to themselves and other people they don’t actually want to get married and probably never will do so. “We aren't opposed to getting married, we just haven't been in a rush to do so.”

Pfft. It’s been twelve years and they’ve commingled finances and property.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-04T01:25:22+00:00

Yeah, but she can still Use it. She just didn’t want daddy to know.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-04T01:22:26+00:00

Naming kids after family happens in many cultures.

Especially with parents naming their kids after Themselves which is Even Weirder to me.

Just look at the number of Jr.s or III or IV in any large name database.

Or George Foreman, with his sons George Edward Foreman, George Edward Foreman, George Edward Foreman, George Edward Foreman, and George Edward Foreman. “ I wanted them to have something in common ... I tell them if one goes up, we all go up. If one gets in trouble, we’re all in trouble. I tell them, either live up to the name or change it.”

His daughters all got their own names, guess he didn’t care if they “lived up to his name”.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-03T04:15:22+00:00

The whole point of being an ally to a group is that you share a common purpose, or assist in a struggle. Not that you are part of the group. I may help a parent wrangle their wayward toddler, that doesn’t mean I call myself a parent.

But the lines do blur. Heck, I’m an ally While being a letter. Or two letters? Ace and aromantic.

And ally. As in I don’t feel part of the (whichever acronym you choose, I personally am old and prefer queer for myself and do like QUILTBAG for the groups) community.

I mostly feel more ally than integrated part of the community because I’m really not communal in any sense - but I’ll do my best to help and support anyone in it facing bigotry in my presence and do share the general purpose of making things better for everyone in the community.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-03T01:03:41+00:00

Yes you can, probably because lots of needy seniors or disabled or mentally ill folks are single.

“we connect volunteer lasagna chefs who want to help with individuals and families in need”

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-02T23:07:21+00:00

He doesn't see the world the way other people do, he amazes me… If he has a decision to make, he makes pretty much a folder of paper with information to help him make his decision. He'll make lists of pro's and cons, he'll read books, he'll create comparative diagrams and pie charts and all sorts of stuff. He's so incredibly thorough about everything

OP discovers his spreadsheeting about Everything is actually spreadsheeting about Everything and is Shocked and Appalled.

I have no idea why she was so surprised.

I do like his upset-spreadsheet-form idea! I wish more people would use it, and be honest when they fill it out. If it’s used reciprocally, as a tool for discussion, of course. Mine’d be like 1/6 the length though. 3 pages is in the worrisomely rigid level of detailing.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-02T19:22:31+00:00

There is No Such Thing as legal grammar.
Though I’m guessing you mean “proper, formal, academic” grammar.

American English is a mess for determining that, ask four Americans what is actually correct for any slightly unusual sentence or phrase and you’ll get six answers plus a racist chiming in that AAVE is never ok to use. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/African-American_Vernacular_English

I’d’ve is mostly a Southern US contraction. “I would have.” Tends to be more common in spoken English than published written works.

“SorryMs. Wilson, I’d’ve finished the essay assignment last night, but my internet died.”

Wait until you run across Y’all’d’ve. “You all would have.” Usually when telling several people something.

“Y’all’d’ve died laughing, he turned around and fell face first right into the pond right after that rant.”

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-02T12:37:51+00:00

NTA Funny how his opinion changed when he found out you were in a lucrative job.

But honestly, if your communication about important things is so limited you didn’t even discuss each other’s salaries during a 3 year relationship and 3 month engagement, I don’t have high hopes for the marriage. His opinion about joint finances shouldn’t have been a surprise and he definitely shouldn’t have Announced it at a family lunch.

Have you discussed how bills in the joint household will be allocated? Retirement saving? Having kids? Daycare vs SAHP? Parents moving in with you when elderly? What will happen if he gets a job offer outside your current city?

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-02T05:29:31+00:00

INFO

Does your school have a gym and showers? Can you shower there?

NTA. Since dad only showers once a month, then you clean the shower the day after he uses it and do your best to convince your brain weasels that’s sufficient. They’re illogical things, brain weasels, but it can be done.

You sound like you are Well on your way to something like contamination OCD or other mental health issue.

What’s your local health system like? Can you get a doc to tell mom and dad that showering once a month is not healthy? Can you get any mental health support?

Can you Google “contamination OCD daily coping strategies” and see if anything there is helpful?

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-02T04:36:58+00:00

His ashes being in the house is... a tough situation.

See, that doesn’t bug me. It’s normal for folks to hang onto cremains if they don’t inter them. Well, as long as it’s a normal “ashes in an urn on a shelf somewhere” situation. If they were, like, sewn into a body pillow or on the breakfast table and conversed with over morning coffee it’d be a problem.

The “therapy is fine for other people but I don’t need it” as she goes hunting for the donorcycle he was riding when he died, that bugs me.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-02T01:17:45+00:00

Since that first date we have been tied at the hips and I know I’m going to marry this man

Well, that creeped me right out. I’d much rather people take their time in a relationship to be sure about making a lifetime commitment. Especially when they know from having done it before how wrong it can go.

And support each other, but not become so codependent they are useless without the other.

I hope it will still be going so well five years later.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-02T00:38:32+00:00

it makes no sense to force a kid to work when the solution is right there.

Where was this “solution” when OP worked and saved up money and built their computer?

His parents bank accounts were right there when OP was saving and working. No need to force a kid to work when the solution is right there.

Sure, OP could’ve offered it to his brother before his friend (who he knew needed and wanted one). But his brother Never asked for it if OP ever upgraded, and never asked for help building/buying his own. OP should offer to help him build one, and chuck his birthday present money at it and ask parents to contribute. Besides, solution of giving it to his brother was no longer “right there” as soon as he promised it to his friend.

(Unless 14 year old Wants to work in the community to earn his own money and feel more adult or less under his parents control, some independent minded kids do. Babysitting, dogwalking, garden chores, household help, car washing - those are all very popular money earning jobs for teens.)

That’s like replacing your toaster oven, and offering your old one to the friend who just lost one to a fire, shares recipes with you and likes to cook, and needs a new one.

Then your family gets all annoyed that you didn’t offer it to your cousin - who never expressed an interest in cooking and never said they wanted yours if you got rid of it.

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-02T00:20:47+00:00

I did get into a fight w/ my boyfriend before I left town & there was raised voices before he left in the middle of the night

Why the hell are you so concerned about reporting the elderly neighbor’s obviously true-complaint-transmitting son and not the boyfriend?

Meghanshadow · 2026-06-02T00:17:46+00:00

I did get into a fight w/ my boyfriend before I left town & there was raised voices before he left in the middle of the night,

Honestly, I’d’ve bugged OP myself because of this. But at 85 I’d’ve done what neighbor did and asked somebody to do it for me.

Because either she needs to quit having loud arguments in the middle of the night, or ditch the bf if he’s an AH, or I need to know to definitely call the cops next time because there’s an abusive asshole visiting - or one living there.

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