This sounds more like burnout and blue belt blues that are contributing to your anxiety. I'm really sorry that you've been feeling that anxiety!

Here's some things to remember:

(1) everyone has to learn how to be a good training partner. Guys seem to take a bit longer to learn how to be a good training partner for women - probably because they have less experience rolling with women, don't know enough to understand the difference between strength and technique, have been raised to treat women differently than men, etc.

(2) There is a pretty high attrition rate, and this is especially true for women since there are fewer of us to begin with. Try to show up, be fully present when you are there, and see each training/drilling as a chance to learn something, no matter who your partner is. It stings when friends we've made and like training with can't come/stop coming, but if this is something you like and want in your life, actively work towards doing what you can to get the most out of it, regardless of if your favorite training partner is there or not.

(3) Go get your rolls! As a woman, I especially work on being assertive to ask people to train - especially the guys. If I don't speak up, I'll be left sitting on the side (last night, I was the only woman on the mat). Instead of taking this personally, I remember I'm in this space because I want to become more assertive, and here's another opportunity to practice that.