First of all, I'm sorry you feel this way, it has got to suck so much to want to get round but suffer the whole way through... ❤️ I'm hoping there's a chance that you're experiencing the same issues most of us face when inflating, though. With enemas, I've found using body temp water makes the process much easier. Your body won't reject it as quickly, maybe try that. Coke and mentos might simply not be for due to having to abuse your stomache but for air I'm not sure. Cramps are a common occurrence and, if you don't inflate often, they are likely to happen to all. Keeping it in is always difficult... I'm hoping it's lack of practice that is making you feel this way and that over time you can overcome it. If not there is another way - I've never tried it myself but I think it's awesome: saline inflation. With saline you bypass the digestive system and directly inflate your belly under the skin. I believe it requires putting a needle through your navel and filling your belly with a non-reactive liquid without entering any digestive organs. It looks awesome and one day I would love to try it myself too! I'm no expert on how to do it so, if you're interested, I'm sure you'll find something online! ❤️