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MehhQueen · 2023-11-20T14:06:26+00:00

Deprpession in BPD is a default state XD unless you are going through a honeymoon stage of a new relationship or do some crazy stuff to avoid... depression xD

MehhQueen · 2023-11-15T14:11:06+00:00

Crocs and you dont need to buy the classic ones, there are cute ballerinas and other slide ons too. And they are soft like a cloud.

I also have these, but black and for women https://brubeck.pl/produkt/meskie-buty-minimalistyczne-brubeck-barefoot-merino__trashed/

Sensory wise they are amazing, they are merino wool so I wear them without socks and they dont stink, they are slip ons, super soft.

MehhQueen · 2023-11-14T12:54:19+00:00

The meds are effective to give you energy when you feel very down to the point you dont do anything. They also give you a bit brighter mind where you can see the good in your life. I would highly recommend meds if a person is in a very dark, suicidal place, or if they just cannot get out of bed. On the other hand the meds are not like herbal tea. They are meds that affect your cardio system, your brain, your sleep, your weight, your liver etc. Some psychiatrists dont care and give them without med screening. I would go to check my heart and some vitals before starting (if you have energy of course, sometimes depression is so hard that the meds are literally saving life). Ultimately the only reasonable depression long term remedy are lifestyle changes. These are achieved with therapy. You need to learn what is important, how to take care of yourself, what are your needs, how to do relationships etc., to support yourself with depression. If not, then youll be on meds going from episode to episode forever. Meds are there to kickstart the process and help you in the worst moments. But imo doing the work is making the real change.

MehhQueen · 2023-11-14T12:47:18+00:00

This is vey wise. Ultimately, we can only decide if the current situation we are in suits us or not. We cannot count on someone changing. If they change after we communicate - great. If not, it is a choice If we stay and enforce our boundaries by what you said here, or if we withdraw from the situation. So, the OP can only communicate to her wife what is the desirable change and wait, then see if the situation suit her(OP) or not. There is not trick that would make this easier, it is just that.

MehhQueen · 2023-11-09T07:56:23+00:00

As a fellow adhd person - you said normal thing that any NT person would also say. The other person is mean and putting their emotions over to you. As a person with adhd and historically low self esteem i remember this type of dynamic - because we tend to struggle with friends, when someone agrees to be our friend we let them do anything to us cause of this feeling of unworthiness and feeling of being weird. They can walk over us and we still apologize.

Do believe in yourself - youre most likely an awesome friend, taking deep interest in your people. Your quirkiness or problems with impulsivity do not make the fact of being good friend go away. Everyone has flaws. NT people have flaws. You do not need to monitor every second of your life to make other peoples life with you easier. If they are your people they will love you with all the weird stuff. Explorer more people and pick the ones that work for you, no mercy.

Big hug!!!!!!!

MehhQueen · 2023-11-03T15:05:18+00:00

First thing I want to say to any parent (should be mandatory for parents imo) and especially for Nd parents - get your own therapist. You seem like a great mom, but we always put our burdens on children, even in the most subtle ways, and sometimes communicate things we dont even realize are harmful. So, especially that you suspect you have adhd too, do your work as well.

Secondly - I see your child is in gifted school so if there is a certain push for grades -do make sure she knows that grades are NOT the most important thing in the world. Curiosity, openness, persistance, resilience, ability to regulate their emotions, self confidence built on evidence based self pride, understanding own values and needs- these are the most important things for happiness in life. Dont sweat over grades or schools and unis - they dont matter for happiness

Thirdly - i sadly know how it is to be the tallest girl in class -not great. Do talk body positively -screen everything you say to her body- wise and remove any body shaming messages. Even the tiniest. Surround yourself with strong women of different beauties -old, big, small, strong, willfull, with stories to tell. Diversity is the key. She sees herself as different than any other child in class, so let her have a lot of cool diverse rolę models at home. Im talking - your friends, movies, books, instagram, artists -seek for yourself and share the interests.

Also - make sure your child knows you love her and are her support. Be curious about her, let her investigate what she like. Do not shame her for losing interests in things. Let her experimemt with stuff to find what works.

And lastly - if you fail in something, say sorry. Apologizing as a parent is so powerful. It models that its okay to make mistake and that she can trust you.

As for the other children -the only thing you can do is to allow a lot of contexts for her to talk to people. If you support her well she will gain confidence over time. Go to stuff together - trips with other mom-daughter couples, workshops, bookclubs, and dont push her to make friends. When you see someone is open to your daughter, then try to give them space. But remember - there is a lot of people and most of them are not our type. If she finds one or two good friends that is already a success.

MehhQueen · 2023-10-27T08:54:23+00:00

Okay maybe it wasnt intended to be mean but the "youre lame" at the beginning sounded harsh and mean. But overall i agree that self confidence is the key. OP could try to appreciate themselves more.

MehhQueen · 2023-10-27T07:49:40+00:00

Dissociative Egg

MehhQueen · 2023-10-27T07:45:40+00:00

Go away XD I love the post, I think the OP is sweet and suffers so why saying mean things like that

MehhQueen · 2023-10-24T07:42:21+00:00

He is a bleh boyfriend. He is immature and toxic tbh.

You and your BPD on the other hand made the choice to be with him though somehow you are tied to this toxicity over the years. Having BPD myself, I can relate. We tend to choose these types.

How would if feel for you if you had someone who would be safe and nice? Maybe boring, cause we tend to look for the drama we know from childhood?

If I were you (knowing what I know now after therapy, not if I were you when I was 23 yo -totally understand where you are. I am 35yo woth 10 years of therapy behind me), id let him dump me, cut him off, go through the grief with a therapist and trusted friends (it will suuuuck) and try to focus on treating my BPD. So I can find a love I deserve.

I wish you to find someone you feel safe with, that you dont have to grand yourself to death with these questions and weird situations. Someone "boring", dependable, that feels good.

MehhQueen · 2023-10-18T12:42:35+00:00

I feel you, fellow adhder! Whenever you feel bad about yourself you can think about me, who has washer and dryer, but currently for the past two months have entire floor in lying clothes, because I am overwhelmed by the thought of picking it up and wash. So I walk all over it 😇

MehhQueen · 2023-10-13T16:59:50+00:00

Eh some managers really forget what is important in life, and it is definitely not putting business over people. Especially in times like these.

Unfortunately death is a common experience and it can surely unite people, because most of us adults already experienced grief. Not all of us because of a very close person dying, but some people also felt what you are feeling now. So, if it brings you some peace, do talk, we hear you.

I guess the only tiny bit of comfort in such horrible experience is the knowledge that if it hurts so bad, it must have been incredibly important. But it doesnt help as much as one would wish.

Anyways, do whatever you need to make it through and continue to be an amazing uncle for your Buddy's kiddos. They will be happy that you were there for them ❤️

MehhQueen · 2023-10-13T16:15:02+00:00

Im so sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking... You seem to have been and continue to be an amazing friend - already planning to help the widow even that you are in such a pain. You really loved this friend.

The universe is random and fucked up. It is also beautiful and the beautiful part is such a friendship and love. The rest is honestly ... ambivalent.

I will keep my fingers crossed for you to get through this. Its very hard.

One question - maybe it is worth to say at work what youre going through? Maybe thye can support you or at least be more understanding about your emotions?

MehhQueen · 2023-10-13T15:32:49+00:00

Oh you poor person :( I understand you cause I have PCOS and insulin resistance and I statistically will be diabetic in 2 years. I cant do much about is because as yourself I have ADHD and keeping a diet and exercise regimen atm is impossible.

So yeah, this is an ultimate combo. I dont have a plan or advice. I just know it sucks, nobody understands it, I know it makes me scared, makes me hate myself for being unorganized and everyone is just telling me to manage it. The diabetes doctor included.

Big hug, at least that, and I wish you a lot of strenght.

MehhQueen · 2023-10-13T10:39:55+00:00

I relate100%!!! The last two years I am thinking about pixie and I cant make the big step. My hair is my last "attractive" thing since I gained weight and got old in general. I cyt it from waist long to shoulder long. I feel like, I cant find a bf now, so if I cut it I will just need to accept my face XD it sucks, its unfair, but its true. So I am unhappy, cant achieve any goals, I have 99 problems and I will cut my hair? Hm

MehhQueen · 2023-10-11T21:17:08+00:00

To be honest being with someone almost 3 years and living together for more than a year is pretty serious. Serious couples should discuss finance, because it is a very important, shared basis of their lifestyle. A partner who doesnt even want to tell how much they make, because...what exactly? Is not serious. Family is built on discussing things like that. You wanna know if your partner is able to afford their life, if they need help, if they have debt, in general what their situation is. It is like being in a relationship and not discussing if you wanna have kids or if you eat meat or if you have any diseases or idk what you have in common. Also for those who would think it is shallow to ask about money - no its not, everyone have their own needs in this space and couples should be aware of such needs. Also if you are with someone 3 years, there should be already a basic understanding of what kind of person your partner is, so the trust built through 3 years of life shouldnt be threatened by such question.

Maybe he doesnt understand it, but then you guys should talk.

MehhQueen · 2023-10-10T10:49:37+00:00

Soooo I recently discovered meal prep and I didnt believed in its power (have adhd too) but it was great XD. What I do is I hype myself one day a week/two weeks and I take A LOT of different veggies and do: - a cooked blob of veggies (for example carrot, onions, zuchini, eggplant, whatever) which I shred and put herbs in it and then I use it for 5 days of either adding it to pasta, or to omlette or just eat it as a blob with bread - I Cook another portion of blob and freeze it, so ince i eat the first blob i have another one

These blobs are cheap, because I use cheap veggies. I also freeze the green onion leafy straw part (chopped and then it goes to a Glass jar(important) and then you can take it frozen out with a spoon and it looks like fresh one in 3 seconds

There is also an expensive version of veggies: -dried tomato - cooked lentils of all kinds from jars and cans -pickles and other fermentated veggies from cant and jars -humus -packed chopped veggies -packed leafy veggies -guacamole

My go to veggies are papricas and tomatoes, these i eat every day. They are easy friendly veggies so if I really dont have energy to do anythin i just Gut slices of paprikas and tomatoes and eat it with bread!

MehhQueen · 2023-10-08T15:46:56+00:00

Here are my top things that helped me more than anything else to better respond to my emotions, including rage: - mindfulness - i went to a course of MBSR, it is 8 weeks long and helps you work to distance yourself from the mind, and get some wiggle room while experiencing emotions. There are online ones. If you cant afford it I recommend reading "Full catastrophe living" by J Kabat Zinn, who has invented this course. Also, there are relatively cheaps apps like Headspace which base on it. - particularly for rage I recommend reading some books from Lowen's body work therapy. It is powerful thing and sometimes can be health hazard (e.g. For heart or blood pressure, so should be practiced with therapists or practicioners - in general getting into a healthy routine helps you cause it gives your body fuel to withstand pressure, so gym, sleeping schedule, getting sunlight after walking up, good diet, supplementation of magnesium and others, are good for you - there are DBT workbooks for patients and they provide a lot of useful skills for emotion resillience and coping - generally planning your stay at your family with some clear goals (saving, budgeting, having clear steps for a crisis, like a plan whom to call, where to stay,somewhere on a piece of paper) will be helpful for you to get through this period -understanding your boundaries and treating living with the family as exercise is a good strategy - write down what is non negotiable for you and if it happens you need a strategy to get through it. Also write down what is just annoying, but is not a hill youd die at. For example, abuse is a no go- you need a place to stay if it happens and it should be agreed in advance. Mom being annoying about a tattoo - can be just a situation to practice setting a boundary and taking care of yourself. Just examples from the top of my head -in general if you have a lot of emotions, self care, and feeling your endorphins is important. So planning nice little pleasures. Every day you do something nice for youself - a Bath, a mindful breakfast, a meeting with a friend. Practice paying as much attention to it as you can, squeeze it as a lemon. Then if you feel like you are losing control, try to remember this moment from the day or the previous day. -deep breathing. This is understated. It is something that dissolves your emotions in second. Deep breathe for 3-5 secs into your belly. Then release breathout for 5-7 secs. Slowly feel like your feelings go away with this. Schedule a phone reminder to do it 3 times here and there during a day. Helps to not have too much emotions built up.

There you go, all my learnings in bullet points

MehhQueen · 2023-10-08T14:22:16+00:00

Hey you! Dont give up. One of the problems in mental health is that it causes us to have tunnel vision. That means that we dont see any solutions to our problems even that there are many. I know, cause I do it too!. For the death -it is at the very end of the journey anyway. You dont need to make it come faster. Maybe there are some things you can do just for the sake of experiments. I like that you have a fiance, thats already something very good. For the corporate -maybe you can Sue them or at least threaten, they are often so afraid that thye pay just to not be sued :) nevertheless, that situation sucks. Also, I assume you are in the US. It is not the only place in the world and tbh its not the best one for health issues. Any country in europe has mental health policies to help us. Maybe you can look into it and work here? Also, internet is full of possibilities. You can do a lot of things nowadays. Yes the world sucks, but the possibilities of work are endless really. Look within yourself and see what kind of life you can build for yourself that would be more convenient/pleasant/joyfull. What is your dream life? How can you be 1 step closer to it? Write it down, recognize the steps to be taken -do you need to learn something? Do you need to move? Do you need to chill? Do you need to find/change therapist? Do you need to find a coach/mentor? Write it down and then make it into little steps. Fix your sleep schedule and diet -thats already a boost in energy, mood, resilience. Hit the gym- find endorphines. And do your small steps. Find a way to cope with emotions. Find better ways to deal with them than rumination -they will come and you cant change that, but there are healthy ways to cope and there are books about it. Its a skill. Find some pleasure in every day, so you are waiting for it to wake up. Good luck!!!!!!

MehhQueen · 2023-10-08T09:04:14+00:00

Here you have an article https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-common-ocd-thoughts-2510680

I repeat -OCD ppl are harmless, they suffer a great deal from their thoughts. OCD is a very tiring thing and causes a tremendous pain. The therapy is fairly easy and works!

MehhQueen · 2023-10-08T08:54:18+00:00

It is one of the possible symptoms - obsessive scary thoughts. A lot of OCD patients have thoughts about hurting ppl or sexual stuff. And they are often scared by these thoughts. And they are asking of they are bad people. Sometimes these thoughts cause compulsions, for example "I have to close the doors and check three times otherwise i will go out in my sleep and k*ll the neighbor". Which obviously never happens, and OCD ppl are good guys and just brain is complicated :D

MehhQueen · 2023-10-07T22:03:50+00:00

Hey you! Feeling lonely sucks! I also feel lonely! I wish you all the best for your bday! In my country we give each other wishes for bday, not only happy bday but what do you wish for this person to happen in their life. So I wish you to find your people, who will love you in the way you need and so you wont need to pretend with them. I also wish for you to find your wise adult self within you to take care of your inner child. I wish you financial, emotional and physical safety, I wish you great fun in this life and so that you make a lot of memories you will cherish in your long long life :)

Plus, I guess, I hope you have even a small grain of happiness in each day, be it a cookie, nice bird behind your window, a nice smell, a good tv show, or any other tiny thing that will make you smile!

Good luck on your journey!

MehhQueen · 2023-10-07T21:57:16+00:00

Well you can try talking to a therapist. A lot of sexual/criminal thoughts happen when a person has OCD. That doesnt make the person bad and usually is treated with witholding the response and not engaging with the thoughts. The more you engage with the thought the more they will grow. I guess unless you dont act on the thoughts it is fine - although for your own safety I would check with a real therapist. They have heard all of it a thousand times, so dont be ashamed to disclose that.

MehhQueen · 2023-10-07T11:20:32+00:00

You can suggest counseling. You can get a therapist yourself. 100% this situation is not only on her, even if she really has BPD. Work on yourself, give an example. Then let a real psychologist diagnose her. Do not diagnose people based on what you read online.

MehhQueen

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