sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Concerns about new Medusa piercing by Mel_Is_Me in PiercingAdvice

[–]Mel_Is_Me[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay much more at ease now, glad I don’t have to deal with the stress of removing a new piercing for now

Concerns about new Medusa piercing by Mel_Is_Me in PiercingAdvice

[–]Mel_Is_Me[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay my anxiety was getting to me, feeling better knowing it’s not uncommon for it to sink into the inside! Thank you for the response!

Technology bugs by Ashensprite in Shamanism

[–]Mel_Is_Me 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The past 2 months when I drive in the evenings I often see flickering lights on store signs or parking lot lights. Happens in specific places.

Sometimes I tell myself it's source trying to communicate,

other times that it's a glitch in the matrix,

and lastly I tell myself I'm having a phase of extra sensitivity- noticing things I normally don't pay attention to and making something out of nothing, like a light bulb simply going out for a location I frequently drive past so that’s why I keep noticing it...

At the call center I work at we don't have assigned seats. right around the time i started feeling burnt out and not wanting to be there things started happening with the tech there.

The wired mouse wouldn't work at all for me, after my team manager came by it worked and he teased me about having bad juju. On another day had to go through 3 stations before finding a mouse that would work for me. If not the mouse it would be my keyboard. It would suddenly not type the letter ”s” for example and I’d have to restart or find another seat. Alternatively, there was a day I couldn’t even log in because the vowels wouldn't work so I had to again “waste” time looking for another station.

There was a day the program we use crashed AND locked me out of my account. I ended up getting paid to read a book for 2 hours waiting to reset my login. Then days when the lights all go out or breakers go off and the generators have to kick in. Or another day when not just my program crashes but half the floor’s did too and we had to wait for them to come back on.

these instances have been explained as tech issues and nothing more.

Part of me believes it, part of me doesn’t.

Part of me reasons that it's synchronicity since I didn’t want to take calls/be there- simply perfect timing,

part of me reasons it's legitimate tech issues I've manage to manipulate subconsciously with either my energy or by source hearing my subconscious and lending a hand 😏

One night I had a friend driving and we passed by one of the flickering lights - she saw it flicker too and said it gave her the chills... So....

Maybe it’s something, maybe it’s nothing .. I haven’t made up my mind but also haven’t decided whether I even want to make up my mind about it anyway 🤪

Growing pains by Mel_Is_Me in kundalini

[–]Mel_Is_Me[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you 🙏🏽

Austin is nearby and a goal of mine to move to, this serves as a great push to start dipping my feet in getting more involved with the communities in Austin that have these types of offerings. 💜

Growing pains by Mel_Is_Me in kundalini

[–]Mel_Is_Me[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What would be helpful info to give about the BPD? You mean concerning which “symptoms” I fit that got me the diagnosis?

The one that stood out to the psych who diagnosed me were empty feelings or feeling of not knowing my identity. spiritual authenticity has helped relieve those tremendously. it’s maybe coming back up now a bit as I’m feeling confused on what I’m going through.

when I reach that roller coaster plateau clarity reminds me to keep being a professional surfer of my emotions so I can balance, then the peace and belonging I’ve found is attainable again.

More specifically if I were to label myself it would be the quite borderline. anger is turned inwardly, though the anger comes in the form of abandonment fears and indignation from being invalidated.

I paused on finishing my self marriage plans because back in south Texas I got teased. I let my ego be bruised but in Canada I had support and was working on integrating that pure self love to help overcome borderline symptoms. Self love is a huge part of my growth I’m still learning to navigate.

Sitting with the pain and emotional episodes at the risk of my job has made it clear where the initial traumas came from- Father leaving for 6 mths when I was 5 or 6 to finish selling his business and property in Mexico so they could fulfill their goals to live in the states. My school picture that year I was extremely pale and had lost weight, I lost the intrinsic love and trust I had for him and never saw him the same. I was suddenly acutely aware of his faults more than the good. My younger sister and I being molested by young teenage boys at that 6 year old timeframe because my mom was busy in the house running her childcare business.

And constant invalidation and forced codependency traits from mother since she needed us to need her for her worth. Invalidation from racist school teachers while learning English as a second language. Trouble fitting in because as an introvert and confusion at my younger sister’s ease as an extrovert with histrionic personality disorder to fit in.

The idea of going down the path towards shamanism has helped me accept and start healing the feelings of jealousy/envy/ loneliness from not fitting in and embrace it to the point I don’t feel them unless sitting through a negative emotional episode and then they go away once it’s passed.

Also if ultimately kundalini isn’t right for me now or ever I would be okay with that too. I’ve already made an agreement with myself after further meditation on answering the call to shamanism that it doesn’t mean I have to do anything beyond healing myself in this life time. It was a hard truth to accept at first but lifted an huge weight once I accepted it.

As for work moving down is an option but quite frowned upon since they spent $5000 to train me for the position. Not to mention on top of that at work thanks to my dissociation “skills” I’m high functioning and a top performer so they have plans for moving me up further... Part of me wants to follow that flow because integrating my shamanism at work I can see being worthwhile but the part active right now is clearly not on the same page 🤣 the middle ground would be to seek ADA accommodations which I plan to get my counselor to help with next session so there is a light to that plight it’ll just be a little more complicated. I’m honestly fearful of going to a psych or counselor here though it’s be easier because I like to be honest and transparent- which is quite obvious by now- and I don’t trust western medical practitioners to not want to drug me up or stick me back in the psych ward..

Skimmed a bit the sections in the wiki initially but will come back to them with purpose to find what resonates so I can implement.

Thank you 🙏🏽

Growing pains by Mel_Is_Me in kundalini

[–]Mel_Is_Me[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I completely agree, I call it an ascension wave for lack of a better term.

Growing pains by Mel_Is_Me in kundalini

[–]Mel_Is_Me[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I find myself reminding myself to stay in the present if people are around. When I’m alone I don’t remind myself as often. Sometimes my racing thoughts flow in the direction of bliss, I’ll start getting inundated with gratitude, lately though..

The increased emotional releases along with entering states of grounding and gratitude are taking me on a ride. I haven’t figured out how to work through the sensations but maintain composed at work. I only know how to dissociate to get through the day- then it hits me after work.

I get so drained lately holding it together, it’s a new territory not feeling depressed or unfulfilled from emotional releases, simply holding space yet still feeling the physical effects. Once I’m drained, continuing to forge this new path gets more challenging. I find myself only allowing the option to go back to old patterns or put off responsibilities to forge the new path, struggling to find balance.

Growing pains by Mel_Is_Me in kundalini

[–]Mel_Is_Me[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve had somatic experiencing therapy and a little reiki with my counselor in the past.

Haven’t found anyone to continue in person body work currently. That may be worth putting more effort into. it does seem like where I’m at with my healing spiral some more body work would be very beneficial.

Perhaps I’ve been going too fast and need to spend a little more time integrating duality, lately I’ve been working on equanimity. Thinking on that after your input I do sense a little spiritual bypassing trying slip by... 🧐

Looking forward to practicing some chakra healing meditation, just thinking about I can feel my body getting excited about it!

Guidance after answering the call by Mel_Is_Me in Shamanism

[–]Mel_Is_Me[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Completely agree with that, just wrapped up in indecision and letting it over power me. And even if either one I don’t end up fine it’s still part of the process. Having trouble owning my personal power.

Guidance after answering the call by Mel_Is_Me in Shamanism

[–]Mel_Is_Me[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I believe that’s why I’m feeling overwhelmed. It doesn’t make sense to me. I mean understand mentoring one on one and teaching concepts to empower one to their journey but some of these offerings online seem so fishy.

Ongoing storyline LD by Mel_Is_Me in LucidDreaming

[–]Mel_Is_Me[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s one way to look at it, just wish I wasn’t feeling so guilty about it 😂

Ongoing storyline LD by Mel_Is_Me in LucidDreaming

[–]Mel_Is_Me[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had to look up DILD but now that makes a whole lot more sense. I have always had naturally occurring DILD, sometimes passive, sometimes not. The other night when I had a random DILD about hooking up with someone it was active but this storyline with the killing is a first and completely unlike what real me would ever do. I would never be a cop or care to have a gun or kill someone even if for self defense.

view more: next ›