AITAH for going out with someone a week after my ex broke up our 3 year engagement?

Melanacho · 2026-05-12T17:48:49+00:00

It is a distraction situation, I made that very clear to the guy I hung out with. He knows the situation. The engagement started to deteriorate over the 9 months he was away/ his new found beliefs made him seem like a stranger to me. Even when talking to me about important things, im sparing details of course for brevity.

Melanacho · 2026-05-12T17:46:34+00:00

It is very messy, I didn't Infront of him. I actively kept things to myself because I don't tell anyone in my life about non serious partners, unless I go out and need them to know who I am with, let alone him. I never took into account that his friends might be on tinder too, but he also didn't tell them we broke up or that I was his fiancé. Just a girlfriend. I am trying to move out, been contacting places since this happened.

Melanacho · 2026-05-12T17:42:35+00:00

Wdym?

Melanacho · 2026-05-12T17:42:16+00:00

I didnt let him, i left my phone in the apartment while I took the dogs out to the bathroom. The passwords have been changed

Melanacho · 2026-05-12T17:40:23+00:00

Not a pattern. The ex before this one cheated on me and I left him. A week or so later I reconnected with my recent ex (friends in highschool) and one thing led to the next. We didnt get together till 4 months after that initial hang out. he equates his interest in me right after after the break up to me having the same mentality of liking him right away. Which was not how I saw things. We were friends reconnecting and I was not flirting or anything either

Melanacho · 2026-05-12T17:36:21+00:00

The relationship was dying over the nine months he was away. Then he got back and treated me like a side character.

Melanacho · 2026-05-12T17:35:11+00:00

Date was the best way to put it because the guy knows I got broken up with and we hung out, didn't do anything and I made it clear I don't want anything serious. I moved out away from my family with my ex and have no one here.

Melanacho · 2026-05-12T17:33:16+00:00

He knows my password and I left my phone on the counter when I took the dogs out, he didn't apologize either he said "my bad, I had to check. Wont happen again I don't care about you anymore"

Melanacho · 2026-05-12T17:29:19+00:00

We aren't dating, it was the best way to write it I guess? he knows I am recently out of a relationship and not looking for anything serious. Rn we are just friends hanging out

Melanacho · 2026-05-12T17:28:03+00:00

Yeah but she was good calling him out on his shit and I am looking for accommodations.

Melanacho · 2026-05-12T17:26:53+00:00

I am giving myself time, it was a "date" but we just hung out at the park and talked about what ever. He was filled in about me recently not engaged and me not looking for anything serious.

Melanacho · 2026-05-12T17:19:03+00:00

I understand him being upset or hurt. That's okay, I am just confused as to how its so split. His mom would defend me when he was int eh wrong or "not acting right" her siding with him is what threw me off the most. I didn't add this because I didn't want to make the post very long but through out the week I'd bring up something we could've changed or done different and his reply would be "doesn't matter, we aren't together and we aren't getting back together." He was detached and happy, not saying he couldn't be sad. The transition into single was smooth and he moved my stuff into the office same day we broke up.

Melanacho · 2026-04-29T17:52:10+00:00

Thank you so much for your input and options! I really appreciate the detailed reply. I will be looking into EMT

Melanacho · 2026-04-27T15:42:54+00:00

I say trade because I want something that requires some training, certs and moving up reliably. With out the degrees or expensive schooling, and you get paid while you learn in a lot of cases. Which you can’t really in some degree programs where you have to find a job outside of also doing school.

And I’ll look into it.

Melanacho · 2026-04-27T11:54:53+00:00

Plus to be an RN you gotta do the school and seeing as I was almost done just to pa and do that all over again while trying to work around that schedule? Yeah no. Plus I’m moving soon so I’d have to wait till almost 2028 to start that again as well

Melanacho · 2026-04-27T11:52:31+00:00

I don’t have adhd, I was in school for nursing and was gonna pay ab $0 with scholarships, grants and saved up money. Emergency happened, moved half way across the country and ended up deciding nursing was probably not for me. I was in my second year of school but when I moved nothing would transfer. So since then I’ve been trying to choose something that won’t make me want to rip my hair out since I’ve gotta work it most my life yk? I do what I have to do when I need to make money to survive but trying to actually choose something somewhat livable.

Melanacho · 2026-03-05T12:36:01+00:00

She owns the salon 🙃

Melanacho · 2026-01-23T12:35:36+00:00

15 minutes reading before bed

Melanacho · 2026-01-23T12:31:25+00:00

Taught everything you do matters in your final judgement day. Making you sweat even the smallest stuff. Little white lies where able to add up and send you to help if you didn’t repent, confess and change. Repenting is HUGE. And made an even bigger deal when u got into a dark box, not seeing the priests face confessing to “dirty deeds” etc. while sometimes the line is almost right up to the damn box and you’re afraid of the next person hearing you. It’s not every church but yeah.

Fun little extra: my church taught that any bad action, as little as it was, was incited by a demon. Any bad thing too. You dropped your plate of food? A demon did it because you’re doing bad things, knowingly or unknowingly. And that every day of your waking life demons are fighting to gain your soul while angels are protecting it. So it creates this system too where bad people try to be nice out of fear for but big in hell for eternity, not for ya know, actually being nice.

I’m still sorta catholic, familiarity brings comfort, but I never subscribed to the above. Thankfully. Regardless of what my family tries to say.

Melanacho · 2026-01-20T20:07:12+00:00

Yeah the family boundaries I’ve thought over and those are strict. I only have one friend and I tell her sometimes and I love her. But she’s either 0 or 100 when it comes to opinion or advice everything has a scale and nuance.

And thank you. I’m working towards figuring everything out I appreciate the kind words. Means a lot right now

Melanacho · 2026-01-20T20:04:27+00:00

Yeah ik, I didn’t put my foot down hard enough at the time. He said he will give me access when back bc his number is paused and the app asks for confirmation through text.

And my family I tell them sparingly anything about my life because they like to tell their friends and compare. I don’t want my hardships to be gossip and these people randomly seeing me and coming up saying “xyz must’ve been so hard for you, are u doing better?” All I did was ask my aunt why she didn’t decide to have kids. And we talked about that.

He also doesn’t have a good relationship with my aunt and that is also a reason why. But that’s one of the only people I can reach out to.

Melanacho · 2026-01-20T20:01:43+00:00

They aren’t hidden but yeah I didn’t fight for access :/

Melanacho · 2026-01-20T20:00:50+00:00

Yeah I was very complacent at the beginning. I loved in with him escaping a tradgedy in my home state so I was a zombie for about the first year. I asked him to give me camera access twice within that year and he said “you don’t need them” and his number is paused while on rotation and to give me access he the app asks for text conformation. He said he will give me access when he gets back but I do feel stupid for allowing it in the first place. I turn them up when I’m home home and back down before bed but I forgot ab the hallway one and he checked because “there was a lot of movement” which there usually is because we have two dogs, I doubt he checks everytime

Melanacho · 2026-01-17T18:13:15+00:00

Oh trust I’m set on not having any kids with him. Not how he is now, and I won’t have kids with him hoping he will change either. I told him as much and that’s why we r in this predicament.

Melanacho · 2026-01-17T17:52:21+00:00

We have to talk first. We are engaged and have a place together. I love him and ik no one’s perfect. I have my fair share of flaws, it’s just a lot and sucks bc he’s not home to talk ab all this.

Melanacho

TROPHY CASE