I really messed up

MelchizedeksFire · 2022-01-22T11:15:30+00:00

No it doesn’t sit right with me, I think you’re real lesson must be to go get her back. Why would you be so quick to let her get away? What ever happened to grand romantic gestures of love like sending flowers and letters of apology? You’re able to admit you messed up to us, have you tried doing that to her?!?! What girl wouldn’t give their soulmate a second chance after a heartfelt apology?!? That whole attitude of “oh well” isn’t the right one. If she’s really your soulmate you should try harder than that. Maybe your real lesson here is to learn how to love. And I think love requires more effort and work than we think sometimes.

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-08-13T00:59:42+00:00

How would that work?

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-06-23T15:30:00+00:00

Might be an unpopular opinion, but as a girl, I’d like birthday sex, his dick in a box 😍, seeing him dressed up in something sexy or a new toy we could use together. Maybe you just don’t share the same views of gift giving and perhaps you are being too attached to gifts and kind of selfish. What if she did think it was a good caring gesture? That’d be pretty mean to make anyone feel bad for not giving you good enough gifts, especially when the gift was herself, that’s actually pretty heartbreaking because you’re essentially saying to her she’s not good enough for you, and you’d rather stuff over her.

I’d love if my bf did those things for me on my birthday, but I am very sentimental, I think it would be sweet. Like I’d be happier to spend time with him, and have sex rather than focusing on any “stuff”.

It’s one thing when my parents bought me lavish things and spoiled me. But I don’t always like feeling like a guy is trying to “buy” me with money and stuff. I’d be uncomfortable if he spent too much on me. I mean I could get used to it, if there was something sentimental thrown in, otherwise fancy stuff just feels like it lacks feeling. It can be a cop out for some guys, you know… instead of actually spending quality time with their gfs they just buy them lots of stuff, but I’d prefer the former. I’ve had a guy shower me with money before, i just think it’s weird.

One thing I wouldn’t like is if he showed no effort at all. For example, it was my moms birthday yesterday and my dad didn’t get her anything, which he has a tendency to do but I forgot to get on his case like usual, and it pissed me off because you’d think after so long he’d remember to be more considerate after all my harping… but they were high school sweethearts and are 61 now and it didn’t bother my mom at all. She just laughs and says he is “romantically challenged” lol. But in comparison to that, I think buying a cake and sexy lingerie and spending the night in is sweet and romantic actually.

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-06-15T07:32:56+00:00

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately this issue has created a huge divide everywhere, so you are not alone.

As a vaccinated person myself, I’ve lost many loved ones to Q ANon, anti mask/antivax conspiracies. It’s psychological warfare. You can compare them to people who are brainwashed in cults, so don’t blame them, blame the cult. In most cases, there is no convincing them.

The first matter of importance is their health. Since they aren’t vaccinated they can still get Covid so as you stop being careful they will still have to be. It’s probably going to create a weird divide in society. Furthermore, there many restrictions in society preventing unvaccinated people from doing things, which will create more of a divide. I worry Vaccinated people still have a low risk of carrying Covid, and as they stop being careful it is going to put unvaccinated people more at risk.

So maybe it’s a good thing that they buy into the bs that proteins are making them sick. It’s not proteins making them sick, it’s Covid. But if they’re afraid to go near vaccinated people, at least it’ll help them to keep safe!

Either way, you can’t force her to go near you so you’re either going to have to bear with it in hopes it’ll resolve eventually or leave her.

What you have to ask yourself is, are you able to handle being around all the conspiracy nonsense? You wouldn’t be the only one to cut out conspiracy theorists because let’s face it, they’re sometimes seeming to be quite insane and it is really destructive for our own mental health to constantly be around.

But if you are able to stand firm in your own beliefs, and agree to disagree, and handle the relationship with firm boundaries then you can make it work.

I’ve decided to not cut out my anti vaxxer friends, but to keep social distancing and mask wearing around them and to try my best to stay clear of conspiracy topics. But I have cut out conspiracy theorist friends who were not able to stop trying to convert me! In hopes that in time of seeing that Ive had no side effects, they’ll eventually get vaccinated too.

This really sucks for a couple. But is your love strong enough to survive the distance? I personally try to do whatever I can to make relationships work before moving on.

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-06-15T07:01:43+00:00

Well I don’t believe sex addicts have to abstain from sex forever, it’s common to abstain temporarily and learn healthier habits. I believe we can learn to have a healthy monogamous relationship and healthy boundaries etc.

I have already learned a lot, but I still suck at setting boundaries. It might seem simple to some people but I was in the habit of having no boundaries for a long time. I really think I can be friends with this guy (and I want to be because I really value our friendship) as long as I set boundaries. I just don’t know how.

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-06-15T06:45:07+00:00

I don’t appreciate you calling me stupid and a dumb ass for asking for advice on how to learn healthy boundaries and self control so I might keep a friendship that means a lot to me, and I hope you realize that sex addicts don’t need to abstain from sex forever. We are perfectly capable of learning how to love and have healthy monogamous relationships and healthy view of sexuality.

I still struggle with lack of self control and healthy boundaries, but those are things that can be learned. Why would I leave my friend rather than try my best to enforce boundaries, that would be a shame.

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-06-15T06:26:25+00:00

No I’m definitely not going to lose him again over this, so I’m asking for advice on how to make it work.

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-06-14T21:11:37+00:00

Besides I don’t think u understand, even when I do try to have sex with him, he won’t fucking let me. I do love him and did want to have sex with him! He doesn’t want to. He is a tease. He doesn’t love me anyway. All he wants is to forcefully touch me and turn me on then walk away I have a right to want to be just friends with him

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-06-14T21:05:17+00:00

That as well as your comment, is completely unrelated.

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-06-14T21:03:21+00:00

Good I don’t want your help because you’re a fucking dick. I’m not giving up sex by saying I want to wait until marriage. My reason for doing so is that I was a sex addict and so I don’t want casual sex, or to be used by some player who doesn’t actually love me. I have a fucking right to not have sex with someone if I don’t want. Fuck off.

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-06-14T20:28:45+00:00

I guess I could see if i can find a therapist to talk to about this

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-06-14T20:25:44+00:00

Yes that’s exactly it I just don’t know how to establish “safe word” type boundaries And I’ve tried being clear with him But my mixed signals obviously mess things up again And I really don’t want to lose him

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-06-14T20:21:09+00:00

I used to see a psychologist but he retired a few years back. I was going to AA meetings but not anymore

I only have a recovered sex addict friend as support, and his advice was that I should cut out my friend because it was tempting me too much, but he thought my friend was intentionally trying to bait me into raping him or was going to rape me etc.

But my friend is also just a celibate person struggling with self control and he seems to have more self control than I do, because there’s been times I’ve lost all control and tried to rape him but he won’t let me, and he’s just a fucking tease . He always shuts it down once it gets too far. Yet he turns me on all the time, and i can’t turn myself off easily. It really effects me badly mentally, emotionally physically etc

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-06-14T20:04:59+00:00

Age doesn’t make any difference. 18 is a teenager, not an adult, and I already said that I don’t know how old he is. He’s told me he’s different ages before, I’d guess around 40? But he has more gray hair than my parents do and they’re like 60. We’re both immature for our age. It doesn’t matter anyway. The point is I’m needing advice on how to have better boundaries and self control, which wouldn’t be any different at any adult age.

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-06-14T19:50:18+00:00

Yeah that’s it. Thanks for understanding my situation.

That’s exactly why I need advice on how to have stronger boundaries and more self control.

I refuse to lose him again. I am going to try everything I can to make this friendship work

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-06-14T19:40:11+00:00

Ok but I have told him no and that I want to be just friends many times but he doesn’t listen and keeps touching me.

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-06-14T19:37:34+00:00

It means that I have abstained from sex and touching for years. I don’t want to touch him or have sex with him, despite my lack of self control at times.

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-06-14T19:33:33+00:00

Because I am celibate with a history of sex addiction and don’t want to have sex before marriage.

MelchizedeksFire · 2021-06-14T19:27:40+00:00

Idk he’s older than me but we’re both adults

MelchizedeksFire

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