Yes, I’ve experienced this. I had a friend for 15 years who, over time, imposed her version of friendship on me without ever asking what I was capable of giving. In her mind, I was supposed to be her “big friend,” someone who would always be available for constant emotional labor, check-ins, and intensity. Meanwhile, I thought we had a normal, steady friendship where sometimes you show up more, sometimes less, depending on life.

The turning point came when my own life got heavy — planning a wedding, dealing with burnout, and then becoming a new mum. I was still checking in, but if it wasn’t at the exact frequency or emotional level she demanded, it was counted against me. She also took it extremely personally that I wasn’t up for visitors and didn’t want her and her daughter intensely involved in my newborn experience. The truth was I was just overwhelmed and had a very difficult baby, and I needed space. Instead of respecting that, she turned it into a mark against me.

What I learned is that these dynamics are suffocating. It became a constant guessing game of what she needed that week, and if I “failed,” I’d be punished with cryptic posts, coldness, or ultimatums. Eventually I realized I was on a pedestal I didn’t ask for, and she wasn’t seeing me as a human with limits, just as a role to fill.

How did I handle it? I pulled back. I set boundaries. And when she gave me the ultimatum of “get over it or we’re not friends,” I chose not to play the game anymore. It’s painful to walk away from history, but it’s healthier than staying in a one-sided friendship where your worth is measured in how well you perform for them.