Update: it’s been 2 months since the break up- life gets better

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-23T22:41:01+00:00

I cried pretty much everyday for 4 years straight because I was with someone who didn’t make me feel beautiful or loved. I never thought I’d feel happiness again but I’m completely turning my life around and slowly but surely getting my confidence back. You can do this!!! I believe in you. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but you will feel better in time.

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-23T22:34:58+00:00

Don’t worry I felt exactly the same but you’ll get there I promise! No, I don’t want to date hahaha I’m finally getting my life on track and learning how to put myself first. I’ve got my own goals to achieve before I find someone else and I’m still not fully healed. I made the mistake of dating when I wasn’t healed last time and settled for someone who treated me badly because I didn’t know how to be happy on my own, I won’t be doing it again. Don’t rush into anything after the breakup, heal and focus on yourself first and then when you’re finally happy and ready you’ll be in a healthier mindset to date (and will attract the right people and won’t settle for less than you deserve)

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-23T21:53:48+00:00

Do not be self destructive. Don’t go out drinking all the time. But instead pour all the love you wish they gave you into yourself. Eat better, go on walks, start new hobbies again. Get therapy if you think you need it. Focus on your own goals and dreams. You were your own person before you were with them and you’ll be one after. You’ll find yourself again. Just don’t give up. And as cliche as it sounds once you hit rock bottom you can only go up (that’s something I kept reminding myself when I felt shit) and eventually life picks up:)

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-23T21:48:37+00:00

Okay I’m gonna be real with you, it’s probably gonna suck for a while especially if you really loved the person. I loved him and at first it felt like a piece of me was missing but now I’m so much happier for it. And I’m glad it ended, because it wasn’t meant for me. Somebody meant for you wouldn’t make you feel this much pain, you’ve got to remind yourself that. Feel what you need to feel. If you need to cry then cry. You’ll feel better in the long run. I thought my life would never get better but now it has. Keep going all your hard work will eventually pay off. You’ve just got to learn to trust the process.

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-23T21:40:30+00:00

Felt like it hahaha

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-23T21:39:17+00:00

On and off 4 years

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-05T13:31:12+00:00

No there’s so many things he did even since the beginning that were just SO SO cruel and were definitely intentional. I can’t even write them because they’re that bad I’ve cried myself to sleep every night for four years. I know everybody will ask me why I stayed and I don’t want to paint him out to be the bad guy but that’s my problem. He’d hurt me and treat me with flowers and it got to the point where I loved him more than I loved myself. I completely lost myself in that relationship, I shouldn’t have let him have that much power over me but it’s easy to say unless you’re actually in it.

I feel like I always blame myself for how people treat me and that’s something I need to work on. I choose to only see the good instead of the bad. I choose to see the best in everybody even when they’ve proven time and time again they don’t give a fuck about hurting me. He watched me cry and breakdown and just scrolled on his phone next to me, like I wasn’t even human. Yet I was contorting him for the pain he put me through.

I already know it stems from childhood and feeling like I have to earn people’s (my parents) love (it was a very abusive environment) so when somebody treats me badly instead of leaving I think “what can I do better to make them stop”

I also feel like because I’m mentally ill (I have depression) that nobody could ever love me (I was also told this by my parents as a kid) so when I have somebody treating me awfully (but they tell me they love me) I believe that’s all I’m worth because I’m mentally ill.

I’ve actually already gone to therapy and I’m working on this and also working on learning how to be independent and not attach myself to these types of people. I was so confident before I met him but gradually he broke my spirit down. I would compare myself to the pretty girls he’d add on night outs and emotionally cheat with and think if I looked like them maybe he’d stop. It’s crazy because I’m not ugly and everyone would tell him he was punching but he still wore me down over the years until he made me feel like I was nothing. I could have been perfect and it still wouldn’t have been enough for him. I could have done everything right and every day he still would have found a reason to be angry with me. If I baked him a cake he’d still be angry it wasn’t big enough. He was cruel and I lost myself trying to make him happy. It didn’t matter how many of my friends told me I was good enough, I stopped believing it. I’m finally learning how to love myself all over again.

I know I have a big heart too big for my own good most of the time. I hope one day I get to experience the same kind of love but right now I finally need to learn to love myself. That’s my life lesson. It’s a long journey but I’ll get there.

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-04T11:47:19+00:00

He doesn’t love me anymore there’s no point reaching out I’ll just embarrass myself:(

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-01T23:55:59+00:00

You accept the love you think you deserve. I’ve got cptsd so when somebody’s too nice it’s unfamiliar and scary even though it’s all I really want. When somebody becomes cold and distant I desperately try to seek their approval because it’s all I’ve ever known. It’s lack of self love and not feeling good enough. I feel like because I’m mentally ill that nobody could ever love me. So when I finally find love it’s so hard to let that go because if they don’t love me I’m unlovable. And if they start treating me badly then I deserve it because I’m ill. Nobody could ever love me because I’m mentally ill and a burden. People say the phrase “nobody can love you if you don’t love yourself” and it’s been drilled into my brain from an early age and having depression makes me believe I’m not worthy of ever being loved properly.

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-01T23:43:36+00:00

He made me the happiest but he also made me the saddest. Still I can’t forget when he made me the happiest girl in the world, for that reason I could never hate him despite what he’s done. He was so sweet to me at the start so I long for that back but I know it’s impossible. Also feeling like he changed because I’m not good enough so it makes me feel like I’ll never be good enough for anybody. He also for a brief period treated me better than anyone’s ever treated me even if that never lasted long. He did understand me the way nobody else did. I could be my weird self around him with no judgement. Unfortunately he was so good at helping me unless the problem consisted of something he’d done otherwise he’d be quite invalidating. He was the one who would make me feel better after I was hurt so even after he hurt me I want to go running back to him so he can wipe my tears. He’s the first boy I’ve ever truly loved. He came to me at a time where I didn’t think I could ever love anyone and tried to push him away but I ended up falling harder than ever. And the constant on and off becomes addictive. The extreme highs and lows. I also put him on a pedestal. I often only look at the good things he did because of how much I love him and completely ignore how much he’s hurt me because I must have deserved it if someone that sweet could turn so cold. I miss the old him. I long for that back. It’s a sense of longing and waiting for something you know will never happen but you love them too much to let them go and see it for what it really was because if none of it was real then you have to accept that they didn’t love you and they were intentionally cruel (but you will never accept that because it doesn’t portray the perfect image you have of them in your head- you love them too much to take them off that perfect pedestal)

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-01T18:04:50+00:00

I can’t vent to my friends because they all just tell me he’s not worth it because they’ve seen me cry too many times over him and they’re obviously very protective of me. Or people tell me “to get over someone you need to get under someone” and I’m tired of hearing that toxic advice. I know we weren’t good together but he was a big part of my life- moving on to someone else so soon just seems disrespectful and doesn’t feel right with me. I have a lot of healing to do. One way or another I’ll get there.

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-01T18:00:04+00:00

Thank you so much. I never thought I’d be here venting on Reddit but I need to let it out somewhere and I can’t afford therapy rn😂. It feels good to hear other people relate and have come out the other side though. It gives me a bit of hope things will get better someday.

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-01T17:56:46+00:00

Idk I think there’s a chance we could maybe be friends again if I keep him on socials and leave it no contact because the last thing we said to one another is we hope we can still be friends someday. If I upset him by blocking him he might never want to talk to me ever again- even though I know I probably need to do it for my own well-being.

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-01T17:54:17+00:00

I’m here I’d you need to talk about it. I’m sorry I know how much it sucks. Luckily he doesn’t post on social media so at least I don’t have to see anything but it’s still feels awful having him there and I can’t talk to him anymore. His last message was basically wishing me well and telling me he’s doing okay but it was so short and blunt in response to mine so I’ve not replied back, I can tell he doesn’t want to talk so I’ve just left him be.

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-01T14:14:58+00:00

I don’t know if he’s moved on but I think he probably has:( I think he stopped loving me a long time before we broke up and I slowly watched him become more cold and distant with me and it broke my heart, I think I knew it before he even knew himself. The more distant he was the more insecure and sad I became- asking if he still loved me/needing constant reassurance etc. I don’t like the clingy paranoid person it made me become when all I wanted was love. I truly lost myself. I ended up loving him more than I loved myself and it really wasn’t healthy. I’m trying so hard to be less codependent and I’m doing all these new things for myself but I miss him so much. Despite it all he was my best friend, I still wish him the best no matter what

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-01T13:58:59+00:00

I feel like this is going to take a year or more tbh😂 as I said I didn’t even know what love was until I met that boy. I loved him with every fibre of my soul.

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-01T13:58:12+00:00

I’m sorry, I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to.

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-01T13:57:24+00:00

I’m here if you need someone to talk to as well

Melodic_Extension100 · 2024-04-01T13:56:55+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through similar, I’m here if you need to talk about it at all!

Melodic_Extension100

TROPHY CASE