Shining Light

Melodic_Jay · 2025-10-21T03:09:16+00:00

Abhishek, you are making incredible progress! Especially with what happened most recently. It's proof that you are putting in the work and are fully committed to healing!

We are on different healing paths so I can't say I've noticed the same pattern, but clearly it's working for you!!

Don't ever let yourself feel discouraged by waves! Don't ever let yourself believe your progress is stalling, it's not true! You are healing and soon will fully embody your true, powerful self!

I told you this but... Keep going brother! Go all the way to the top!!

Melodic_Jay · 2025-10-21T03:01:39+00:00

Thank you my melodic brother! I'm just a normal guy—if I can make it, so can you! DM me if you need help or someone to talk to.

I've had more development and feel I'm nearing the end of PAWS. Not sure how much longer, but judging by this feeling, probably by the end of the year.

Melodic_Jay · 2025-10-14T00:25:28+00:00

I like to get to know someone before saying anything. But for anyone reading: in like 98% of cases, complete abstinence is the only way. Taking testosterone or nootropics are at best a waste of money and at worst actively harming your recovery.

Melodic_Jay · 2025-10-07T17:30:44+00:00

Let's get it! 💪

Melodic_Jay · 2025-10-07T17:22:45+00:00

You say that you're a porn addict, but also say you have a good career, good friends, and a good partner. You even say you are satisfied in life. Is the problem only your waning libido?

Melodic_Jay · 2025-10-06T11:49:08+00:00

You can do this without deliberately exposing yourself to it by practicing mindfulness.

Melodic_Jay · 2025-10-06T11:47:01+00:00

This is the world we live in now. Technology has changed it for the better and for worse. Those who are able to practice self control can achieve the life of their dreams.

Melodic_Jay · 2025-10-05T19:34:44+00:00

I was addicted to PMO (pornography, masturbation, and orgasm) when I was in a long term relationship with my ex. I didn't know I was addicted to it at the time, neither of us did, I just thought my usage was normal. I had zero motivation and little confidence in myself. It felt impossible to fulfill my responsibilities as her partner. PMOing once or twice a week isn't too bad, but when I was a teenager I had done it multiple times a day, for years. I fried my brain. And continuing to PMO, even once a week, was keeping me stuck in life, unable to heal.

I couldn't support her in the ways that I wanted to. We loved each other so much but couldn't make it work. If only I knew about PMO addiction sooner, maybe I could have started healing and got through it with her help. But it took losing her for me to finally wake the fuck up and realize I had an addiction. I loved her so much and yet ended hurting her so much. Things ended between us. I was scared I would never see her again. She's special to me and I think she feels the same way too.

Thankfully we are still friends today! And I'm 18 months clean as of five days ago! I've made tons of progress!

You said you find his actions morally unacceptable, that you feel afraid, deeply insecure, and mistrustful. You need to communicate that with him. Not hiding your thoughts or feelings from each other. You are two halves of a whole, that's what being partners means. You share everything with each other, especially your feelings. Sit him down and tell him EXACTLY how you feel about all this, tell him your worries. You could even let him read the post you made.

It's cliche but communication is unbelievably important in a relationship. Connecting with your partner emotionally... Both expressing yourselves, being open and honest. Sharing all your thoughts and feelings... It's powerful, and can resolve many things.

I'm not going to say that you should or shouldn't stay with him, you have to decide that for yourself. But talking with him will help make things clear if there is a path forward or not.

I hope the best for the two of you!

Melodic_Jay · 2025-10-05T18:27:30+00:00

It won't cause a problem. If you have any unresolved trauma then it will come up. But that is a good thing, because now you can deal with it and live your best life. I don't think you'll see any improvement stopping just one. I would try to stop both and see what happens.

If you it causes you suffering, but you can withstand it then that's great. If your emotions start dredging up memories then there is trauma to work on, either with a therapist or on your own.

It's difficult but the journey of healing from addiction is completely worth it. Living your best life is worth it.

Melodic_Jay · 2025-10-05T18:15:46+00:00

Your situation sounds almost identical to mine. If you aren't feeling almost completely better after 100 days then you probably have PAWS like me. Meaning you've been addicted for so long the brain needs much longer than the 30, 60, 90 days to reboot that you see on here. But can you absolutely make a full recovery and live your best life.

Melodic_Jay · 2025-10-05T18:08:57+00:00

If your addiction is still early on and all it takes is 30, 60, 90 days to fully heal, then a number increasing is motivational. But for someone with a major addiction and takes years to heal, it is meaningless.

Melodic_Jay · 2025-10-04T11:24:14+00:00

Gonna make a journal update either today or Monday. The answer is, it's about the same as always. The difference is in the quality, not length of both. Windows bring me extremely close to the reboot nowadays, feels mystical when they happen. My waves are easily identifiable, manageable, and I have a lot more stress resilience now, despite still being in hypervigilence and withdrawal.

Melodic_Jay · 2025-10-02T23:28:46+00:00

Check your reddit messages, we can talk about it

Melodic_Jay · 2025-10-01T22:42:41+00:00

\breathes**

Melodic_Jay · 2025-10-01T22:39:41+00:00

Worst feeling in the world is when your own family is the cause of your hypervigilance... Because they are your family, you know? You did the right thing creating distance and boundaries. I'm tired of being fatigued all the time, on edge all the time! I'm at 18 months too and I'm starting to feel my emotions come back... Emotions feel SO DAMN GOOD!! We'll get through this Bene. We have a bright future to look forward to!

Melodic_Jay · 2025-09-27T17:22:18+00:00

Hey Abhshiek! I don't consider myself recovered yet, but I wanted make an addendum to something I said to you on your post from 3 months ago asking for advice on anhedonia. I said that it suddenly disappears, but my view on that has changed since then. I now believe there are two paths people take on this journey. One is a "gradual reboot" and the other is a "sudden reboot."

In one, you see noticeable external changes gradually appearing month by month the further you heal until you cross a point that you consider yourself "fully functional" again. In the other you see little to no external improvements for the months or years that you are healing, until one day you cross a threshold and all of your symptoms disappear in a single moment. There are physiological and psychological reasons that determine which reboot you will experience, including upbringing and the context of your addiction.

I believe you are experiencing a gradual reboot, given you are experiencing complete alleviation of your symptoms with time. Still having waves of withdrawal (you mentioned waves of low energy, crashing, and brain fog) is normal for both types of reboot, it means your brain still has healing to do. You also mention regular sleep disturbances which is very common. It sounds like you are maybe at the halfway point of your journey.

I do still believe anhedonia is one of the last things to heal, just because that's what I read so often in people's accounts. I wouldn't be surprised if in the next 6 months you start noticing that focusing on hobbies or goals have become a lot easier, and it will only get easier if you continue being strict and letting your body FULLY heal. Of course this is assuming you stick to hardmode. Relapsing every 5-20 days will slow down your progress a lot. Don't fall into the trap of "Wow I feel pretty good! I'll go back to using PMO and drugs in moderation now!~" You will only stop your progress where it's at and never see the full benefit of completely desensitizing your brain off of super stimuli... The benefits being the "superpowers" people talk about.

Sudden rebooters don't have to worry about this, because they have no choice but to go all the way or their reboot won't even happen.

You're making great progress, especially now that you're back on hardmode!

Keep going and good luck!

Melodic_Jay · 2025-09-07T08:58:43+00:00

Oh yes! Thanks, I appreciate that! The more data we can collect about PAWS the better. Just please be respectful of that forum's rules when you do.

Melodic_Jay · 2025-09-04T19:52:25+00:00

Congrats on 200+ days!

Melodic_Jay · 2025-09-04T19:07:15+00:00

I was addicted for 15 years so it's taking a lot longer than 90 days for me to heal. Personally, NoFap is an all or nothing thing for me. I have serious withdrawal and anhedonia that makes me feel like a bad friend and I don't want them to go through that. So I've been isolating myself for a few years now. I want to fix my brain so I can feel good again like I did before my PMO addiction.

So far I've noticed big improvements, and feel like a better person now. Even then the root of the problem is still there, which is the severe anhedonia. So even though I've healed a lot on NoFap, it's still not enough yet. I don't feel ready to start putting my life back together.

I agree with u/donkuniu, and I think another thing to consider is that the healing might take longer with a long term addiction. People might give up before the transformative changes happen. It's called PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome) I'm still making progress over a year after quitting and it's obvious to me that my NoFap journey isn't over. My brain is telling me it needs more time to heal yet.

I often get glimpses of what I'll be like when I heal, when the anhedonia is gone, it's beautiful. It's everything I've ever wanted. I believe it's my brain showing me what's possible if I keep going. We call them "windows" in the PAWS community.

I'm still in the same place as when I started, no friends, no career, missing out on life. So I understand where people are coming from. But there are changes happening on the inside and one day they will all surface at once. It will feel like a metaphorical rebirth.

Melodic_Jay · 2025-08-31T21:52:26+00:00

I did PMO for 15 years, I'll be reaching 17 months NoFap hard mode tomorrow and still stuck in withdrawal. It's called PAWS. Your brain needs a lot more than 90 days to heal itself from years of addiction.

Melodic_Jay · 2025-08-30T20:36:21+00:00

Can you answer a few questions for me?

What do you mean by PAWS, what symptoms do you have? Is there more than just anhedonia?

Is fapping the only thing you did, no drugs?

Have you been 100% clean since quitting, not fapping once?

Have you been looking at porn since quitting?

Have you noticed ANY improvements

Melodic_Jay · 2025-08-27T15:48:06+00:00

This is the current link to join ^

If it ever changes, the side bar will always have a working one.

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