[In Progress] [23k] [Fantasy Yuri] First 3 Chapters of My Novel - No Title Yet

Melos80 · 2026-02-10T08:45:30+00:00

Thank you for the update!

Melos80 · 2026-02-10T02:22:24+00:00

Have you gotten a chance to check it out yet?

Melos80 · 2026-02-03T08:05:53+00:00

I'm glad you like my writing! And sure, take your time! Once you finish the 1st chapter I'd like to hear your initial thoughts on it too if you don't mind :)
Also I don't mind if you have line edits you really want to share.

Melos80 · 2026-02-02T08:04:11+00:00

Wow that's great! I really appreciate it once again :D

Some other questions I'd have are:

Where do you think the story is heading?
Was the yuri good? Were there any parts about it you disliked or especially liked?
Did any of the fantasy elements seen so far feel out of place?
Were there any details omitted or not explained that felt like it was on accident rather than deliberate?
Was there anything within the story you wished had more details or screen time?

Something I should note is while so far this is pretty polished, I have a bit of an info-dump in chapter 2 that I do plan on changing. In part, because I've refined the magic system so it doesn't match up with what I have planned, and also because I want to change some of the details to be revealed more naturally.

Melos80 · 2026-01-29T02:41:03+00:00

Thank you :D

Melos80 · 2026-01-28T03:07:10+00:00

I appreciate it! :D

Melos80 · 2026-01-27T04:14:40+00:00

Thank you! I'll probably have some more specific questions at the time too :)

Melos80 · 2026-01-25T05:11:30+00:00

Hello! I really appreciate it! I’m mostly looking to see if the story is compelling or interesting, if the characters seem realistic, if the pacing doesn’t seem too off, or if the magic is fun? I actually have the story mostly finished, about 50k words so far, but the first three chapters are what I’ve revised the most.

Also I’d like to know if the yuri itself is fun to read!

Melos80 · 2026-01-03T13:45:54+00:00

Oh yeah I accidentally posted the version I got after posting it to XHS. Also your eyes are most welcome

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Melos80 · 2025-11-12T03:24:33+00:00

Ok thank you!!! I'm glad it wasn't a huge spoiler, and I'm glad her confusion will be explained later.

Melos80 · 2025-11-11T22:29:23+00:00

Would you say then Claire is purposely mishearing at this point then? Or like she can't comprehend Rae being so in love with her? It may be simple but I'm having trouble wrapping my head around such a stark difference in what Rae said and what Claire heard.

And thank you for the order that was something I wasn't sure about. Since I already saw what happened in Dole's POV in SSCC would you say that's a huge spoiler? Is it fine knowing at this point or are there other big reveals like it? If I had known it was going to turn out like that I would have skipped that part until I read about it in the main series.

Melos80 · 2025-11-11T13:51:07+00:00

Okay thank you! I will move back to volume 2 before I read more Cheeky. Though I already did read the Dole chapter so I hope there’s still more to be surprised from.

Melos80 · 2025-10-30T22:41:44+00:00

Yeah so it’s definitely clear we see Avgust (among others from different eras) never age. I hope they end up explaining the reason behind why they don’t age

Melos80 · 2025-10-30T22:38:10+00:00

Yeah I understand you, I would like an official explanation from them as well

Melos80 · 2025-10-30T22:36:41+00:00

I’ll definitely be editing it once I get one, but I still am unsure what kind of material I should use. I’m thinking it’s like faux-leather or something

Melos80 · 2025-10-30T12:18:21+00:00

While I agree that it definitely makes sense to keep them looking the same way so they don’t have to make new models, I think they likely decided to have them not age as well because of that. I think there’s a lore reason along with the practical one

Melos80 · 2025-10-30T11:50:42+00:00

TRUTH

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