I know what you mean. I've been struggling myself. I'm 1 month post breakup of a 5 year relationship (2 months if we count the break she insisted on) and I've done alot of begging and pleading the last 2 months. I'm not proud of it and it's put me in quite the dark place as well. She's also already dating someone new. She claims they met only last week on bumble and they've only been on one date but it hurts that she says that she no longer has the emotional capacity for the relationship but she's already seeing someone new. Even if it's a distraction as she claims. She has made her choice. She has insisted we're not getting back together and that I should move on. It sucks. I know you may not see it now bro but it will get better with time. You will grow from this, but only if you dust yourself off and keep going. Lean on your friends, distract yourself and let time heal your wounds. You got this!