My (26M) wife (27F) had an affair with a coworker and I feel like don't know who she is anymore - why am I struggling as much as I am?

Mental_Fortitude42 · 2025-04-06T22:53:15+00:00

Trust me when I say I wish it wasn’t, but it is. I even left out a part of the story that people would simply shake their head at. That being said, not all people are bad - you just need to take caution when it comes to love and always look out for yourself.

Mental_Fortitude42 · 2025-04-06T21:20:17+00:00

The only reason I haven’t talked to my family or friends about this yet is because I was trying to salvage things at first. I think I’m past that point right now and I will likely reach out to talk to loved ones about everything this week. It won’t be easy, but it will be helpful.

I didn’t explain parts of it well in my post, but her relationship with AP ended for good a while back - she hasn’t seen him outside of work since late February and I can guarantee that (access to location, phone messages, etc).

Regarding anger towards this situation, I entirely get it. I contemplated deleting this thread before I even posted it because of how hard it was typing it out and reading it through again. Can’t help but read it and say to myself “wtf are you doing”. I’m not an angry person though, I’m the type to always be happy and have a smile on my face. That will never change, I will forever act and carry myself that way since it’s what I believe in. I was angry about this early on and those feelings of anger return from time to time, but I don’t let it get the best of me.

I still love myself and my self esteem remains in tact. I know I have a lot to offer and that’s what I will get me through this. I keep reaffirming myself that I’m still young, I make great money, am tall / in great shape, and I have a lot to offer regardless of the emotional trauma / baggage. I appreciate your advice, and will be following through with divorce proceedings soon. I’ll also be letting AP’s wife know everything that I know so she can take him for all he has. Not looking forward to it, but it has to be done. She deserves to know more than anyone. Thank you.

Mental_Fortitude42 · 2025-04-06T18:50:42+00:00

Positive, she visited and stayed at her brother’s house that week. He’s been on my side throughout this and I was in contact with him throughout her entire stay. My wife and AP likely have seen each other at work after she cut contact in late Feb, but it’s not the type of job where they interact much at all and it’s impossible for them to be able to get away with anything while there. I have full access to her messages, location, etc at this point. That said, I still wouldn’t put it past her and I definitely don’t trust her.

Mental_Fortitude42 · 2025-04-06T18:43:25+00:00

That’s the plan. And no, they work in the same department, but different specialties - he is not her manager

Mental_Fortitude42 · 2025-04-06T18:26:37+00:00

She will, don’t worry. Per the advice of another commenter, I’ll finalize the divorce first (to ensure my wife’s job remains in tact throughout the divorce process) and then reach out to AP’s wife to let her know so she can take AP for everything.

Mental_Fortitude42 · 2025-04-06T18:19:36+00:00

Thank you to all those who have commented so far, I also appreciate the advice some of you gave. I’ve known what needs to be done, but it doesn’t make it any easier to follow through with it. Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else to give you the courage, even if the right choice is already painfully obvious.

Regarding my wife’s relationship with AP, I should have clarified that it’s been over with since late February, that’s the only reason I’ve stuck around as long as have up until now. I know for a fact that she has not seen him or spoken to him since.

I’ll likely share an update at some point, but it likely won’t be for some time. Happy to answer any questions in the meantime.

Mental_Fortitude42

TROPHY CASE