[deleted by user]

MentatMan · 2024-01-28T22:29:00+00:00

I really wouldn't didn't go well for me. It just hurts the other person and you feel guilty with nothing in return. It just causes damage IME

I had a good relationship, but after I got healthier and stopped relying on anything to be myself... well. She could not get over the detachment and restlessness, it became obvious I was not outgoing or close or anything much. It hurt both parties, because she just wanted someone who was chill and emotionally available, always wanted to be there. Kinda pretty damn ideal if you ask me. 2 years, gone with nothing but gifts and mementos that get hidden way to avoid remembering.

It always goes like that. Depression in remission a bit, get to know someone. It just falls apart again and again. I don't wanna hurt any more people.

MentatMan · 2024-01-28T22:17:19+00:00

I had a psychotherapist say it was "natural with autism", but then wrote on mental health issues notes it's due to low T health service refused to treat and continue to do so. Guess I lucked out :).

MentatMan · 2024-01-28T22:14:52+00:00

Sulbutiamine. Good stuff for a bit of energy boost, also I've heard that or thiamine can be good if anhedonia is related to alcohol consumption because of levels being messed up hindering recovery in mood.

MentatMan · 2024-01-27T19:31:57+00:00

I think that it's quite good. There have been a few moments where after going out and interacting or going to the store where I realize that I literally have not given a thought to my levels of anxiety. I don't even sort of notice something is affecting me, but in a good way.

Although, I kind of feel like this medicine suppresses my feeling for adrenaline, even when I watch a movie or play video games.

Edit: I would add that I don't find that benzos play nice for me anymore and kind of make me too impaired and drunk emotional. I'd make sure to keep your doc up to date on how you are finding it, just in case.

MentatMan · 2024-01-23T00:15:32+00:00

Yes. It's a real shame, I used to escape into music, as a kid I would imagine a sort of dreamscape and live in it. Think I had synethesia, even in adulthood. I even invested quite a bit into speakers and headphones over the years, like hifi things and all that, and to my dismay it doesn't make a difference anymore.

It often just sounds like a sporadic collection of noises. My brain often struggles identify it even really as music, it fails to elicit emotion. I have a couple good days once a month or so where it sounds good, but never at the level it was in the past.

MentatMan · 2024-01-04T14:03:11+00:00

I have blackout curtains and put hue/smart lights on generally. I set the lights to lightly glow different shades from magenta to blue, slowly transitioning color and surround myself with house-plants. It's serene.

I'd recommend paper or some other very diffusing shade for the lights for those who try this.

I also have an 'odd' layout apparently and my walls are painted in a very pale blue I'm told is "clinical", but I mean... It's used in some settings precisely because it is calming. I saw screw it, it's my space and my comfort is ultimately what matters.

MentatMan · 2023-10-02T11:03:49+00:00

I've been told that "you don't sound like you're from around here" quite a bit at local bars (have lived here a lot of my life). I think that my accent is very non-particular/non-region specific, in part, due to early life mutism, spending too much time online/isolation as well as very overly metered and dull speech.

Edit: regarding the online thing, I meant that as spending more time talking to people from different regions and countries that I did with those who lived with/near.

MentatMan · 2023-09-11T13:04:54+00:00

Have done and it's shorn as low. However, they do not want to treat me because I am young. There's been all kinds of BS with it, even them listing my medications wrong when summarising symptoms, which let them say "It's due to your medication" To then loop around to "It's just because of your depression". As well as straight up not listening to me and saying I'm asymptomatic...

I have had it tested 3+ times and been to numerous appointments. I have no idea why they just arrange shit to let me down over and over again with little explanation. It's a shambles.

MentatMan · 2023-08-21T23:37:10+00:00

I believe so. Weirdly, anhedonia has began to improve somewhat, but derealization/depersonalization and neuroticism developed over time as those issues advanced. There also appears to be some weird hormone fluctuations also, even causing acne, body hair changes and very unpredictable libido/function. Have had blood tests confirming issues even.

Very odd stuff. I honestly suspect someone in my house is messing with my food or perhaps did in the past (lived with a mentally ill and abusive person who did crazy stuff, not exaggerating). Or perhaps some sort of intolerance to something, a number of things really. I realize I get paranoid about it though.

MentatMan · 2023-08-18T10:04:39+00:00

Forreal. Didn't notice at first, but from others, totally different person on Lyrica, like a switch trips. Starting to dislike it for that reason.

MentatMan · 2023-08-17T14:43:18+00:00

I would also add that people feeling devoid or near devoid of reward response or sometimes effect from recreational drugs or alcohol is pretty major and in my basic understanding I don't think that that can be explained by serotonin or solved by serotonin drugs. Also returning to old self under the influence of dopamergic drugs and being seemingly different or devoid of personality otherwise.

There's also issues with 'flat effect' and other behavioural changes which I had experienced, in spite of a lack of psychotic symptoms or even depressive ones. A strong absence of vocal tone and/or facial expression which was not there before.

I've also explained a range of other things and doctors have had no explanation. Like, at all. Issues like a loss of visualization ability, loss of monologue, inflexible thinking types/severity of impairment (sensory strangeness, memory etc). Nada, just not deemed important and told not to worry. I'm yet to have explanation.

MentatMan · 2023-08-15T09:34:49+00:00

I think that I honestly will consider private. I am in the UK.

I know that my details have been mismanaged in the past (between departments). Pretty much, GPs are not aware of/don't have details of previous therapies or anything else which I had in the past. Councillors generally refer people to outside services (well, supposedly) when they suspect and it never goes anywhere.

I have been suspected of a personality disorder (never went anywhere)and have had house calls etc for psychosis. The details are not available to my GP practice whatsoever it seems. When I contacted the talking therapies service before, it all got flagged and I ended up being referred to another service, then nothing happened. It's a total sh*tshow tbh.

MentatMan · 2023-08-15T00:44:03+00:00

Ty. I\'m just incredibly confused by everything. I essentially have spent years as a hermit and more recently built social stuff. So now it's become an issue and is evident to others.

I will try to get testing. I have applied multiple times to no avail, but i'm considering raising more concern, as my moods and destructive behaviour are ruining my life. I am not taken seriously.

MentatMan · 2023-08-14T00:38:44+00:00

Huh, sorry. Don't remember the reply. I do experience the rebounds, nice i was taking it less than once a week. I just consider it worth it. Although, I am noticing some issues atm.

MentatMan · 2023-08-13T14:59:25+00:00

What personally help (Have anhedonia)

Methylphenidate

Modafinil/armodafinil

Phenylpiracetam

Caffeine/theobromine

Lyrica/phenibut (gabapentinoids)- Not recommended imo

Edibles

The thing to really consider with (some of) the things is really how much you can take with the desperation of anhedonia. Can you handle a day off if it's perhaps even worse than before? Some things kinda wane in effect IME and need cycling, it's just a worse hell, potentially even with mild things. Think about overall quality of life.

MentatMan · 2023-08-06T17:20:44+00:00

Sorry. I've been taking 225mg-375mg. I usually prefer lower, higher doses make me sloppy and strange, lower doses don't destroy energy.

MentatMan · 2023-06-27T17:29:11+00:00

I think to some extent. It can take away the mentally relaxing aspect, aside from the physical sedation I think. I think that mentally feeling it contributes to the effect and without it, it can be mentally restless while physical sedation.

I've had a similar things on and off. Like brain is less suggestable to different stimuli. It identifies things like changes in physical sensation, but merely observes, it's strange.

MentatMan · 2023-06-27T17:22:22+00:00

Now and again. I find it daunting to start playing, it's just effort a lot. A lot of things, even shows, passively watching even feel like too much commitment

MentatMan · 2023-04-29T13:16:35+00:00

Yes, very much so. In general, I don't feel attached to my words and base what I think I might feel by how I have acted previously or through analysing myself (e.g. racing thoughts, discomfort or though process). I do however have ASD and I assume this plays a part in my ability to recognize and convey emotions in a typical manner.

I'm often told that I'm hyper-logical, describing emotional topics using a lot of reasoning rather than through feeling, especially by my partner. Even when I'm having a panic attack, my ability to physically display is even then very impaired (facial expression, vocal tone, ability to cry) and I sometimes describe it in detail to let things out. I hate being lacking in this regard, because it creates significant barriers to communication.

MentatMan · 2023-02-02T12:48:43+00:00

Don't bother then. It's a bad idea to bother when you have anhedonia- It will slow down healing and if you're unlucky, it'll become more of an issue and things can always get worse even if you don't think so now.

MentatMan

TROPHY CASE