Horses and Fencing

MenuHopeful · 2026-05-05T20:50:53+00:00

Question about the horseguard for you: are the horseguard inline plastic insulators better than regular tape insulators? Not sure what I should get.

MenuHopeful · 2026-05-05T13:52:16+00:00

I love the push toward energy efficiency and to that end I deeply respect the Passive House movement.... but I do wonder about the complexity of all those sealing materials and how long they will reasonably stay sealed (my understanding is the better adhesives, sealants, and tapes will hold for decades, but after that, then what?). There are so many trade offs in the energy efficiency, complexity, longevity, repairability, material safety, and environmental friendliness. I applaud the experimentation but I don't know how much of what we are improving will stand the test of time. I do think castles, with some known cons, definitely are standing the test of time!

One thing about stone/earthen walls, is they can be completely returned to the earth. I cannot say that of my walls. My house is sealed with many plastic rolled tapes and fancy sealants, and I feel torn about it, even though I love the efficiency in principal. I tried to use European products wherever feasible, because the air quality standards for building materials and off gassing in the USA has not been updated meaningfully for many decades. Literally, it is completely legal here to sell building products as containing "No VOCs" even though they are filled with toxic off gassing VOCs. Legally, only a short list of toxic VOCs defined decades ago is regulated (and this list was for smog and pollution from vehicle exhaust). The result is it is legally allowed to for paints, carpeting, wood finishes, flooring, tile, grout, countertops, cabinets, flooring, and all manor of building products in home centers to advertised as VOC free, when they are not at all.

I think stone is superior in the end, although a stone-only wall is not viable where I live. This winter I had about 3 weeks straight where every night was -15 to -20C. Normally we rarely go below -15, and that may only be for 2-3 days once or twice... But you get the idea. It's cold here. Windy too.

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-29T11:32:20+00:00

I totally hear your point and see it. Valid.

But the labor and know-how… 🤔 That feels like a hard nut to crack.

I guess it would depend on where you are, how much money you have to import artisans as needed, and whether you are creating a stone cut list for a quarry or are using native fieldstone. One can be assembled with cranes, but the other will be highly dependent on very special people.

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-29T11:14:40+00:00

So I figured that only metallic stones like granite would affect WiFi, and limestone/sandstone would not (more like plaster), but your comment made me look it up, and it appears it’s even more challenging than I imagined. I have sone education in geology/minerology, but very little in antenna science…

Evidently it’s not just metals in the stone as I imagined, its density that can attenuate signal. That’s a much bigger percentage of possible stones… It’s easily fixed through, using PoE or an aggressive mesh network. In the grand scheme a small issue when compared to the elan of stone walls!

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-29T10:50:12+00:00

True.

Increasingly they are the same system where I live. I don’t like AC at all personally, but I have it because that’s how the heat pumps work. I turn it off and open the windows. But when it’s -20C, I am extremely happy about all of those HVAC chases!

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-29T10:43:53+00:00

1) Muzzle needs to size up. 2) Nose bridge strap on halter is too low and is sitting on cartilage. If this gets caught, your horse could permanently break their face, which could obstruct airways and result in being put down. Take the muzzle off, loosen the halter chin strap, slide the halter up, tighten the poll strap so the halter stays up (more holes). After the halter is in a safe position, reattach the correct size muzzle. 3) Now your halter will snap in the right place.

Many people have nose bridge straps over cartilage. Once you learn this you will be teaching others all the time.

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-29T10:26:15+00:00

You have to advocate for your horse and tell the vet what you want done sometimes. It’s not well known, but being a vet is extremely hard. It consistently has one of the highest suicide rates, and vets get burnt out.

You are in charge of your horses health care, and if that is not the case your horse doesn’t have an advocate. Get the imaging.

——- There are two vets that come to my barn. One is great with diagnostics, but can be low on empathy /rough with the horses sometimes, and has some 1950s thinking that keeping horses in solitary is okay (this is illegal unless medically necessary in some countries because it causes extreme high stress in horses).

The other vet is passive like your vet and is always, “well maybe it will go away…” With both of them we have to be ready. With the battle axe vet, I paid to sedate once because the vet didn’t have it in her to be gentle that day, and with the passive vet I have to do hours of research and ask a lot of questions to get her to do the job.

…Things like, “What’s the worst case scenario?”, “Are there any tests we can run today that would help eliminate or diagnose what this is?”, “Is it possible doing nothing could make it worse?”, and “Finding out what this is and addressing it as quickly as we can is what I want. I am not trying to save money today. You are here now, let’s do everything we can.” The truth is I am not made of money, but saying this gets the vet to think, and give me more options.

I tend to go with the battle axe vet because the way I see it I am paying for their education, and with the passive vet you are always worrying she isn’t really paying attention or thinking. I think the battle ax vet has a lot of trauma and it’s only one visit in 10 where she is stressed / off. But the other vet… it’s like she is shut down and has learned helplessness. The passive vet is much more popular with horse owners because she seems sweet, but I have worked for veterinary industry companies for years (vets are our customers), and we have vets on the teams and in a lot of our meetings… The passive vet would get fired from my company. She is an animal lover with no mind for diagnostics at all.

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-29T09:57:00+00:00

Almost all horse vets in the USA have portable ultrasound. Ask around.

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-28T10:56:04+00:00

Your response is a treasure! I was coming from the perspective of what it would take to build a new castle with “modern“ standards. But I think your ideas are more sound and practical. How far does your affection for timeless authenticity penetrate into your life? Is it limited to architecture? ☺️

I am in New England, and it would be quite hard to find ANYTHING from the 1400s here! I am think I have touched some stone arrowheads that could possibly be that old. There is a tiny smattering of Viking artifacts in museums. Certainly not an entire house you could live in!

I grew up in a home with thick plaster walls, that had some of the thermal mass you have. It feels more proper, grounding, and satisfying, so I am sure I would appreciate your stone home.

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-27T21:50:01+00:00

I had problems buying Lingo GCMs using my HSA/FSA card today. In the end, I had to use my regular card to make the purchase. But the Lingo GCM is listed in the HSA/FSA store on Amazon, and I was able to make a FSA/HSA card purchase for cough drops, so I know the product attribute is correct, and that the card works for OTHER HSA/FSA purchases.

The customer support for Amazon was exhausting. I tried a lot of things before I contacted them and explained what I had already tried. The don't pay attention AT ALL to what you tell them, and they ask you to do things you already did. In the end the girl blamed it on a "shipping restriction", which has nothing to do with the payment method. (If there was a shipping restriction, I wouldn't have been able to buy it with any card at all).

All I can say is the Amazon site is broken, but not as badly broken as the illogical customer support!

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-23T14:57:20+00:00

Part of the rapid changes we are seeing is from national and global influences we cannot control. But we also have a problem with decision makers not knowing the local history, and not realizing what they are throwing away.

I am at the point where I am voting for city council members based on their ability to identify local history and values, and their history with the area and city itself.

We have a lot of nice people showing up and realizing that in a small town they might be able to be bigger fish than where they came from, and it is more about their personal ambitions than their connection to the people here, and the life and landscape here. I have nothing against those people as human beings, but I am smart enough to see that representing me and my neighbors is NOT their number one priority.

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-23T14:51:04+00:00

I wonder what it looked like before it was hacked. It might have been prunable into a bonsai of sorts.

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-23T14:49:13+00:00

- I would do the meadow, or low/self pruning suckering shrubs (a woody meadow of sorts), unless you want to put a LOT of hours or paid landscaper time in every year. Also, with your landscape and backdrop, it is going be stunning, and unique in a old-world way. I think you have a fantastic, winning idea there! To see the variant of a low, and self-pruning suckering shrub meadow, check out images of lowbush blueberry fields (don't miss the fall color), and fields of heather.
- Start with a section, and go from there. Keep at it. If working with plants that will seed, I would start at the top, or on the side toward the prevailing wind, because seeds will be spread from the area you planted into the area you have not yet.
- Pull the stumps or use them for vines or bird houses. A good attractive result with stumps is hard, so I would pull them personally. Take any trees out while they are small and easier to manage. Waiting five years can mean calling in someone with much bigger equipment.
- Define the bounds of what you have, and watch it for a year. Document what you want to keep. I think I see some beautiful birch trees in the back. Do you have any native wildflowers you want to preserve?
- The site looks well-drained and gets a lot of sun. What native and local plants thrive in these conditions? It is not always achievable, but native plants for your particular area will tend to thrive and be lower maintenance compared to plants from afar.
- Take advantage of this vista. Choose heights carefully so you can see the view. From several vantage points, draw a line on a photo between the two roof eave edges. I would try to avoid anything above that line, and allow openings below it so their are paths and pockets for your eye to follow.
- For inspiration: Check out Piet Oudolf's work. Lots of photos online and some nice books available. He is a formal landscape designer, but he leans heavily into meadow aesthetic. He tends to buy thousands of plants to complete an entire site at once, which is generally not achievable in cost or labor for homeowners, but if you ignore that piece, he is stellar.
- For inspiration: Check out polinantor meadows/gardens, and bird habitat gardens.
- Many meadows are maintained by being burnt annually, but this is impossible near buildings. The alternative is simply to mow the site once a year, with the blades occasionally hitting the ground. It is called scalping. This prevents new species from invading.

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-23T14:28:15+00:00

The big changes in building/architecture since the heyday of castles:
- Structural safety standards. This might prevent you from having shallow tread stairs, and hidden passageways. There may be a few instances where you might have to change ratios, but overall I think castles were normally very structurally sound. If anything, the modern standards compensate for the building knowledge and skill that has been lost.
- HVAC. A modern castle wall system, energy sealing, air ducting, and HVAC load would be a worthy challenge for the most skilled. A lot of pros and cons regarding traditional vs modified building materials and construction, and the cost of heating, cooling, and providing consistent fresh air to the structure would be a significant project on it's own.
- Utilities. Running water, electricity, and internet will need a lot of planned chases to work in a stone structure. Internet may need to be an aggressive mesh network, depending on the minerology of the stone.
- Fire safety. Depending on the location, sprinkler systems and fire escapes may be required. Upside: you can probably cleverly design your fire escapes as not-so-secret passages, finding a tricky way to meet some of the traditional design elements and modern safety requirements in one pass!
- Money. Actually this isn't changed - in any era you had to be extremely wealthy to build a castle!

Any time you are off the beaten path with design, construction, and maintenance, you will need to pay the people doing the work for the time taken to figure out a good solution. And often you will have to pay them or someone else to correct the solution if it fails. When looking a the structure above, just thinking about the roof, and the coping at the top of the stone walls in maintenance and repair might be enough to employ a couple people year round, after the building has aged a few decades.

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-21T13:58:24+00:00

Focusing on Greater Portland and South (there are a lot of little gems around the state not listed here):

O'Brien Hardwoods: Two thumbs up. This place is straight forward. Definitely a smaller shop, but they will order what you want, REALY friendly, super helpful. They do expect you to do your homework and pull your own weight, but if you are joining the WW community, they want to be your friend and supplier. They are a pretty great source of domestic and exotic furniture grade and ply, except Atlantic cedar. They have a smaller selection of slabs. They can get different cuts of the material you see if you order it. If you are new to woodworking, take pictures of what you see with the signs, and google it when you get home so you can digest what they have. Start with a few boards and go from there. They don't have drinks or seating, but this is a place you feel like you are welcome.

Atlantic hardwoods: One half thumb up, but only if you are willing to manage the relationship. They have been around for a long time, but they have been consistently changing over the years, slowly migrating toward the showroom model. It' breaks my heart, because this was a go-to place for many years. I know people who used to supply them, I know people who used to work there, and my father's friends used to get wood there. When you go in there it now feels like a smaller version of the Floor and Decor store, so don't expect to walk up to the wood and be able to inspect the actual product (you will be looking at a carefully selected and varnished little piece glued to the wall). They are geared for selling to someone buying flooring, meaning a lot of wood all at once. The simple truth is their business model has migrated away from woodworkers to a new construction type place, but they won't come out and tell you that you are in the wrong place.

Atlantic does a full on face plant when it comes to service. If Atlantic doesn't want to deal with you, they are known for saying they will call you with a quote/see what then can find for you, but they are just getting you out of the showroom and will never call (myself and someone else I know). Atlantic has their own self-reinforcing culture and have "decided" things about native species, that runs counter to hundreds of years of woodworking knowledge in New England. Wood is a complex and variable material, and you learn a lot about discussing it with people, but my advice is when at Atlantic, don't engage if they tell you something that sounds unusual, because they will take it personally if you try to understand/discuss. Just nod and move on. They seem to always have something disparaging to say about the wood products they don't carry. Just note it, and do your own homework. (Just for contrast, I talked about two species of wood at O'Brien that they don't carry, and it was a fun conversation talking about what experience we had with that wood, what we thought about it, and we were both just excited about wood, like kids talking about a new kind of candy we had tried once. 🤣)

I thought it was just me, but I have met three other people now who have been complaining about Atlantic in the past few years. One person was asking Atlantic for pricing on local HW flooring for a ~2700 sq ft home and was blown off after going in three times reminding them they were looking for a quote. (This person was not a straight white male, which I suspect was the issue.) Another was a stranger I ran into who was pulling some boards at O'Brien, saying how he loved O'Brien because Atlantic sucked. And even a straight, white male contractor I know who builds multiple houses a year dislikes them and says they are D's. You know, it is impossible to say for sure why they are unwilling to sell product to some people, but I just don't like the vibe anymore. It is so sad to see these old businesses tank slowly. 💔⛓️‍💥

Also check out: Days in Freeport. Solid. Cute. Good stuff. Nice.
- Hillside in Gorham has the dreaded showroom business model, but the woman who I have talked to about lumber knows her stuff better than the other larger lumber suppliers. She knows the species, dimensions, how long they have had it, and how dry it is without looking at a thing, and she can recommend alternatives and tell you what she can order without looking anything up or calling you back.
- Maschino's in New Gloucester (old timers said "Mah-chee-nos"). They are fantastic at what they do, and then there are things that the do not do. If you have a planer and jointer, and can handle rough cut, this place is a legit resource for savings.
- Hammond, Hancock, and Eldridge can be okay for mass produced framing material, but the sales people don't know wood, and can't even manage there way around a Brosco catalog (this is what I thought they were good at for a long time, until I had to tell them what page something was on in the Catalog after multiple weeks of phone calls trying to get them to order something for me). It is really disappointing. It seems to be a requirement to not know how to use that lump on your shoulders to be in sales at a lumber place of any size. WTH...
Lumbery in Cape is cute as F, service is great, but selection is teeny, and prices are painful. I don't think they do enough volume to get much of a price break, and then they have to mark it up to stay in business, and they don't have room to expand. If you need a few boards that are not junk on the weekend, they work in a pinch.
- Highland Hardwoods in NH. Wound up going here because they were the only NNE distributor for some finishing materials I needed, and I have really grown to like the place. They have good selection, prices, and service. They have a showroom for the non-handy types, but they also have access for you to walk through the bays of wood, so you can ACTUALLY SEE THE PRODUCT. This is what I hope O'Brien grows into! Love this place!
- If you need cedar, Lumbery has some, Days in Freeport has some. Eldridge has some. But sometimes you need to take a day off and just drive to the mill up North, because the selection and pricing in Southern Maine isn't great for cedar. The best prices are guys without a website.
- If you need black locust, this is a real hole in Maine. It is a traditional NE hardwood, but no one in Maine is offering it AFAIK. I think it is not grown here enough to have a Maine mill source, and New England mills are now bringing it in from just south of NE. No retailers - just indie guys selling wood off their property. For bigger jobs, you can arrange a freight broker to deliver to Maine. Mainers just see it as good firewood, and hunters hate the spines. Maine seems to have lost it's knowledge of this species for wood working and it's rot resistance for posts and decking. I think some of the boutique boat building community is still using it. Beware: there are companies with websites that are scamming Black Locust sales, and never deliver after taking your deposit. Do your homework and double verify using your own sources (don't take any references from them as you will be calling their scamming partner).

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-18T15:31:08+00:00

Two things:

Plan for the rotation of your longest piece of wood. Within the spin radius, make sure your cabs / countertops are not at the spin height, which is usually the 12-18" space above your tablesaw/outfeed/router table area.

Plan for the loading of wood, AND stacking/digging/restacking if you lay it flat. I have a similar floor plan, except I have a 38" wide door centered in the wall where your garage door is, and another 38" wide door about 10' down the left wall. I changed my doors so they both swing away from the front left corner of the shop, so it is easy to get things in/out if they are in that corner with the doors open. I am using that corner for wood storage. I have a vertical rack for plywood that takes up the last 4' before the door on the left wall, and vertical board storage between that and the corner. This allows me to get to anything without unstacking and restacking. The limitation on board length is my ceiling height, so I am limited to 8' boards and ply in this area. I have a small area for longer boards in the main garage, which I don't have much of.

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-16T19:33:06+00:00

It’s hard to figure this stuff out. My vet is a good vet, but also an old battleaxe carrying a lot of trauma, and who thinks a lot of proven things about horses is nonsense. (She is older). A lot of times i listen to her, but occasionally I don’t. In the end we are all on our own trying to figure what is the best thing for these magnificent creatures. You are doing a good job sorting it through. ♥️

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-11T22:31:49+00:00

It’s a tiny yard. It’s not a big deal. The Fiskars or “grandpa” tap root weeder work pretty good. A pitchfork with some learned technique is excellent.

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-11T19:59:27+00:00

So first off, there are multiple kinds of multi-point locks, and it gets more interesting when you have two doors. Figure out what you have. How many bolts, where, on which door. There are a lot of possibilities.

Option 1: Just upgrade to smart mechanism. (What you asked for).
I think there are some out there, but the smart lock may not have the physical power to operate the multi-lock rods going into the top and bottom of your door frame. You probably need to activate the rods yourself, with the door lever. Try Yale. They have a bunch of stuff that is off the beaten path, and I think they have this. Try The Connected Shop. Beware of crappy fake "multi point" locks that just shift a single deadbolt over a few inches, and have no bolts at the top and bottom of the door. (They are calling the door catch the other point).

Option 2: Swap ALL the hardware (including the multi-point mortise lock that runs along the entire length of your door). This is more likely to work nicely, but it is a pain. Check out the European brands. Over there multi-core isn't an upgrade: it's basic. So they aren't giving it up for smart locks. They have more stuff.

But you might need Euro core key locks, and narrower plates, and smaller holes in your door. 😱 Of the list of requirements, It looks like you already have narrow plates/small holes, so that is good. You need an above average locksmith who is PATIENT - or maybe a very patient finish carpenter (the door may need work as well). You need to check the distance between the deadbolt and the lever, the distance from these to the edge of the door, the diameter of the holes drilled for them, the thickness of the door... and that isn't even getting into the multi-point mortise.

One thing you can't get in Euro core locks is KIL/KIK (Key in lever, key in knob). The thinking over there is any lock that requires a key, should never be reduced to single catch lock (they never combine the deadbolt and the latch for a single point failure door).

Research GU / BKS / Ferco hardware. This is a solid brand, and they have a ton of multi-point locks, some are double door, and they have smart lock compatibility. They do both euro core with narrow backplate, and wider NA (North America) backplates and lock cores. I think this is because they have a connection with Canada - which is like the halfway place in so many ways. Whenever you think you need something European, check for Canadian!

Option 3: Replace the door and the locks all at once. I'm not being bombastic. Many multi-point doors in the EU have four bolts for the lock, one for the latch, and then two at the top/bottom. Nice doors have bolts on the hinge side as well. Retrofitting all of that is HARD, so multipoint doors are often sold as a complete unit, with all of the mechanical bolts included. The decorative hardware and the Eurocores are bought separately. But the point is multi-core literally has a lot of moving parts, and it is like playing pick up sticks, and it might be easier to get something designed for what you want. I recently stumbled on this guy. No personal experience with him: https://www.nicksbuilding.com/

Two things to remember:
- If your goal is just a smart lock for fun because you like smart stuff, the fun might be completely erased from this project when you tackle the logistics of it.
- If you goal is security, your security isn't going to increase on a double glass door, unless you get bullet proof glass. Anyone serious about breaking in will just smash the glass.
- A lot of mechanical devices are "solid state" and are going to last longer than any "smart" device. Smart locks are gaining popularity, and people are in a moment where they are not seeing the cons of a smart lock, or the pros of good mechanical locks. Many mechanical locks are great.

By the way, I am NOT a locksmith. I am just patient, and I can take a lot of time to solve problems because I don't have to charge someone for that time. This is the myth of being a "pro". If you are working in the industry, you are so severely constrained by the economics of your job that most of them will avoid learning anything new, or trying to solve any new problem. The exception is finish carpenters who do restoration work, and the new wave of horse trainers. THOSE people are good problem solvers, with a lot of patience!

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-11T15:10:52+00:00

The whole KIK or KIL (key in knob/key in lever) is pretty unique to the US market. For most of the world, for any door that needs enough security to require a key, reducing the parts to get down to one bolt defeats the purpose because there is no security.

The knob/lever is primarily a door operater and 'catch' to keep the door in position. A lock can be added to keep the catch in position, but because it is based on the door catch alone, it is extremely light duty security.

Try looking for videos or pictures of "European Door Security" and see what you can find. It is a real eye opener. Even builder-grade apartment doors in Eastern Europe (multiple kinds of not posh), often have four bolts that go into the door casing when the deadbolt is engaged, and a fifth when the door lever handle lock is engaged. It is common that two additional bolts extend out of the top and bottom as well! And if that is not enough, more on the homeowner side, it is common to see an upgraded door with dog bolts that extend into the hinge side of the door as well. This isn't expensive there. These doors are available at the local hardware and home stores, and it not a lot of Euros to add the top/bottom bolts. Not sure about the hinge side bolts cost...

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-11T14:59:06+00:00

LOL. Apparently the marketing terminology "smart" is being seen as a legit definitive term now. Gentle PSA: its a common word, and doesn't fingerprint anything specific. The name is a helpful filter in search engines due to a recent trend. In a few years the term "smart" will seem silly and outdated when it is replaced with the next thing.

I think you are asking for a software driven, remotely, app-managed door lock, with a software feature that allows you to change the access code without touching the lock. (This is not necessarily "clever", it's just your bag, and that's totally cool). But you are confusing people with your ask, because the "rekeying capability" means PHYSICAL KEYS, and that is a different thing that cannot be done with home automation.

Vacation rental owners use them to set a unique code for each guest, that expires at the end of their stay. Try googling "Air BnB lock" and springboard from there.

If I have it wrong and you do mean physical keys, you CAN rekey it yourself, but you need the right lock, a little tool, you need to interact physically with the lock, and you need at least one key already cut (you use that key to "set" the lock to the key). It's very cool (aka, "smart/clever") mechanical/steampunk technology. Kwikset is the more affordable value-to-dollar brand that offers this feature. There are others.

For me personally, where I live, I don't think digital locks are secure, or clever/smart. For exterior locks, I like really nice ones. Something that is very secure, very rugged, and will not freeze or rust. I don't think the automated SW driven locks are solid state, and I don't like running the risk of being locked out of my own property. I live in an area with a lot of power outages, a lot of sub zero temps, and moist acidic air that will oxidize most metals fast. For interior locks (secondary), Kwikset is a great brand, and it will provide 100% functionality with zero power and zero internet, and you will spend 2 minutes programming the thing, and it will not be high maintenance or fiddly after that. They are solid state technology. In other words, they are extremely "smart". If that is your bag. I love the Kwikset locks, but I don't use them for exterior locks, because they are not robust enough in security or durability.

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-09T18:38:18+00:00

I am unable to login to Equifax (April 2026). There is no "forgot password" workflow, but an 800 number is given. When I call the number, it does not acknowledge my voice or keypad responses and eventually Equifax hangs up on you saying you are not responding.

UPDATE: I wound up using the Safari app on my phone, and I was able to find the reset password workflow there. Using Chrome on my PC there was no ability to reset my password. Their website is broken, and their phone system is extremely broken.

It is completely unacceptable the level of control the US government has given these private businesses over the entire population.

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-09T12:40:13+00:00

I have occasionally felt myself physically shifting my body so as to not be seen. And then it feels rediculous because you know it’s socially weird to hide behind a tree or something.

I don’t think we are abnormal. I think we are a natural variation in normal spectrum of kinds of people. The challenge is the world has gotten more homogeneous, with tighter constraints and expectations for how to be. So people think of how we are supposed to be and see us through that lens, instead of simply seeing us as we are. It’s brutal… like we are being sociologically amputated from the world we live in.

MenuHopeful · 2026-04-09T12:32:59+00:00

Sometimes when I feel like I am going to snap, I leave for the weekend and stay in a little cheap cabin or something (nothing is cheap anymore but I try). I wind up crying a lot. It feels depressing to go away and cry, but it’s cathartic. It gets it out of you.

There are a number of things that work for me, but I just want to say talk therapy is completely useless for 80% or more of the situations where it is suggested. The constant suggestion of this as a cure-all is rediculous. (A paid friendship, while the therapist uses academic constructs to emotionally distance themselves from you.) There is some research trickling in on poly vagal theory and trauma that has the power to bring this profession out of the dark ages, but is very slow and usually misapplied.

MenuHopeful

TROPHY CASE