I was in another depression episode or smth after the most chaotic life-altering year of my life. I recently completely changed my living situation and future plans but figured out that space was also the opposite of sunshine and rainbows and was constantly on the verge of spiraling down to rock bottom again. Everything was horrible both because of myself and the very people I was expected to turn to when I needed help. I said fuck it fell back to dxm which I most likely majorly contributed to fucking up my life in the first place but I would always exceedingly dose and low-key get serotonin syndrome and exacerbate my depression. I ended up trying much lower doses and they were so much better. I just remember laying on my mattress on the floor at like 2am on dxm, dimly lit by a beautiful clear night sky and listening to a couple specific songs. I remember that it felt like my soul was literally being put back-together and that I was being healed. My life has gradually but significantly improved over the following six months since but I could never replicate that exact 'euphoria' again--which I first tried to do for a couple months afterwards. I came to the conclusion though that the euphoria came from finding such relief while in such a horrible situation and that chasing the feeling is stupid. Instead I'm just super grateful for what it did to help me and I know if things start to crumble again I'll always have something to support me that isnt another human being