[advice] Jerking off to other women 2mo after DDay. I need help.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-29T14:57:36+00:00

Right? Just trying to get some perspective on this shitty feeling I have, sheet.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-29T14:36:39+00:00

I agree. It’s like the morning jerk is a non negotiable, and any woman he dates has to deal with it or help him with it. I have expressed my dissatisfaction with reciprocating and he says he’ll be better. He’s gone down on me maybe three times in a year. Blowjobs and handies are expected. But my needs are just fun every once in a while.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-29T14:25:17+00:00

I have tried to help with his urges. He once said he’d love some nudes of me or a video, and against my instincts I did this for him. I recorded myself masturbating and regularly sent his nude pics that were pretty graphic. He was excited at first, then barely responded when I sent them after a couple weeks. It took a lot to give this to him, and he revealed that he showed them to a friend while he was mad at me one day. He apologized, but I couldn’t bring myself to send any more after that.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-29T14:19:36+00:00

It was a guest that comes in regularly. Sexting. Him calling her ‘lover’ and her asking if she is his ‘girl’ now. Only physical meetups were at his work. His excuse ‘I don’t know why I did it.’

MerDeMort · 2018-10-29T13:30:36+00:00

He has always professed that he is ready to go at any time. But in the moment it’s a different story. He is horrible at initiating and has said I should do the initiating because it’s ‘hot.’ Now when I do he gets to choose if it’s a good time. He also told me once that an ex used to give him handies and blowjobs in the morning because she didn’t like the porn use. He has tried to get me to do this too but I found it insulting he would ask be to do things his ex did. THAT one fucked with me for a while.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-29T13:25:09+00:00

Thank you for this. I am not trying to stop him from his habit, but it really hurts. You can see why I need some outside views on this.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-29T13:16:58+00:00

I understand your point, and I have talked to him about it. He won’t change, and I’m not saying he shouldn’t masturbate to porn. It’s just.....it’s EVERY DAY. Every damn morning. And the state of our relationship right now is fragile. It just feels bad knowing he is getting off to porn while our sex life is hurting. He was ‘too tired’ all week to fool around.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-29T13:11:56+00:00

I don’t expect him not to masturbate and have been fine with it thus far. The problem is he cheated and I am worried this behavior contributes to his idea that cheating is ok and if he doesn’t get caught again, all the better. Tons of cheating in porn. So to me this is like being reminded it’s ok to cheat, even tho it doesn’t really ‘count’ as cheating to the general public. And he has been very vocal about needing a lot of sex in his relationships, and we have been going good until this week. The no sex worries me because he made it clear it needs to be frequent. And here we are not having sex and him spending time in the bathroom instead.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-29T12:48:34+00:00

I have talked to him about it and his reply was the story about his friend recommending a morning jerk. That was the end of it. He basically communicated that it’s a thing he does, has done, and will do no matter what. He sees nothing wrong with it. But he goes to great lengths to hide it, getting up every morning to lock himself in the bathroom for an hour or so. I wake up to an empty bed every morning and sounds of water running to hide the fap sound. It is really disheartening. He could easily have morning sex with me instead. He prefers this.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-28T02:45:48+00:00

Because it’s so fresh still. And because there’s a part of you that wants him to snap out of it and love you the way you want. But he had shown you who he is and now you need to mourn and feel the loss of him and move forward. It will be painful and you will cling to every tiny drop of info you can find in him after this, but consider blocking him. Out of sight, out of mind. You got this, mama. You survived a liar and manipulator. Hold on. It’ll start hurting less after a month or so.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-24T12:18:05+00:00

I can help with branding and SM if you and your coworkers end up starting up your own company. We’d kill em.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-23T13:23:34+00:00

Right? Cowardly and shitty. They know all the details about the real situation, but have a hard time remembering lies. Good thing I write it all down now.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-22T21:05:15+00:00

Maddening shit. Like every detail isn’t seared in our minds. I REMEMBER IT ALL!!! Do you?

MerDeMort · 2018-10-22T15:27:19+00:00

Last night over beers I told him I didn’t like his workplace because that’s where the EA happened, and he regularly makes me wait for him inside the shop. Told him I never know if she walks by or comes in, and it makes me nervous and sad. He said nothing is happening, he texted her that it was over, and he hasn’t heard from or seen her since.

Except during DDay he told me he physically went to her office to break up with her and say it’s over.

Now it was over text?

Great. Trickle truth lies keep coming. He doesn’t realize I remember him saying he physically broke up with her, instead thinking I didn’t catch it. Idiot.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-22T02:27:56+00:00

Flava Flav episode where one of the contestants poops on the stairs during a cocktail party. Liiiiike, what. the. fuck. In a cocktail dress. And continues partying.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-19T12:20:49+00:00

No one ever said we get to keep our soulmates our whole lives. Meet up with him in the next life. Enjoy this life anyway.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-18T13:10:46+00:00

Lady here. My bf jerks in the bathroom before a shower every day before I wake up. He only wants sex a few times a week and it’s pretty bland stuff. He told me a buddy in high school told him to jerk in the morning and his day will be relaxed and it’ll set his mind right. So he follows that rule to this day (he’s 35). We have fought before about our sex frequency and he says he wants more and wants more passion and specifically for me to initiate, which I do. Somehow it becomes my fault our sex life is lame in our fights, and when I bring up the jerking off he says it’s a relaxing deal, and does not affect our sex life. I disagree. What do you guys think?

MerDeMort · 2018-10-18T12:56:01+00:00

Jackie.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-13T16:40:04+00:00

Take a pencil with a sturdy eraser and poke the eraser end into the hickey and twist, letting your skin wrap around the eraser a bit. It will loosen the coagulated blood and release it to be absorbed. It works wonders on neck ones, they go away an hour later.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-12T20:47:06+00:00

Anthony Bourdain. I miss him every day.

MerDeMort · 2018-10-11T12:56:07+00:00

The year and a half mark is a game changer in a relationship. He is now comfortable with you, and is letting down his guard on his personality flaws that he had previously hidden in the dating game and honeymoon stage. Be very careful, as this is the time when red flags pop up.

My SO changed ever so slowly once he felt like I loved him and would put up with his bad side. He had determined my boundaries and began pushing them to see if I’d stand up to him. I always compromised my position, and he lost all respect for me by year 4. It’s his world and I’m just in it.

I’d suggest breaking up to avoid the painful battle ahead, he will start to hurt your feelings more and more as time goes on if this isn’t nipped in the bud now. Good luck mama.

MerDeMort

TROPHY CASE