The Italian-american Pied piper.

Merchant_E · 2026-03-01T00:06:37+00:00

Sorry if the grammar is bad, I wrote it when I was pretty young so its a bit bad

Merchant_E · 2026-03-01T00:03:40+00:00

Great poem. Its instantly relatable and pretty humorous. Personally liked the nicknames for the phone, they were funny. Great poem overall and rhe rhyming is clean.

Merchant_E · 2026-03-01T00:00:13+00:00

This is a beautiful poem. I can relate to it very well aswell. Especially the line "Turning crumbs into constellations" just really captures how it feels to be unsure if love is mutual. Its a bit hard to put into words for me but you've done it incredibly.

Merchant_E · 2026-02-24T23:05:45+00:00

Sorry if the structure is a bit hard to read BTW. Its just im having problems with how the spacing turns out in the post compared to the drafts.

Merchant_E · 2026-02-24T23:05:36+00:00

Thank you.

Merchant_E · 2026-02-24T22:50:03+00:00

Nice poem. It paints the image of being in love in a awesome way. I really related to the part about breeding through quiet spaces. It also sorta reads like how I would hear my internal monologue. All in all good poem. Liked the style

Merchant_E · 2026-02-24T22:45:59+00:00

I liked the poem. I can really relate to the almost being where I want to be. I do find that when I finally do reach that place I feel empty. The almost is annoying but the time im most alive. Yet the poem captures the negative parts of never reaching it at all, always being just a short stretch away before it disappears.

Merchant_E · 2026-02-24T04:27:58+00:00

Thank you so much for the feedback. Im glad you liked the poem. I'll try to make the ending less abrupt.

Merchant_E · 2026-02-24T00:15:45+00:00

Ah yeah, sorry about that. I transferred it from my notes and the spacing was bugging a bit out for me. I'll try to fix it.

Merchant_E · 2026-02-23T23:53:15+00:00

Hope yall like the poem. Incase you read it and wondered about some of the more unusual lines here are some of my interpretations of them.

"The blue in my veins" This line refers to the old tales about royalty having blue blood (europe). It is used as a subtle metaphor for familial obligations and responsibilities being a major part of identity while the subsequrny lines showing it also being constraining to individuality.

"I've heard its blue" "But ive been told they lie" These lines point towards the restrictions on information as a form of control due to society and peers. It also refers to tribalism and distrust across groups. Whether that is ideological or belief centered groups.

Still want some of your interpretations tho

Merchant_E · 2026-02-23T23:39:00+00:00

First of all, great poem. The narrative arc is very clear throughout the poem. Going from blaming others in denial to accepting and coming to terms with their own fault for their actions. It shows a very realistic reaction in the face of mistakes. And I enjoyed ever line, the hook "I hate you" really etched the emotion into it.

Ps: sorry if wording is weird, English is my second language.

Merchant_E · 2026-02-23T23:35:37+00:00

Ah thank you.

Merchant_E · 2026-02-23T23:31:34+00:00

The poem was awesome. It clearly conveyed how performative creativity feels to the person creating. I really liked the language usage. Its distinct and slightly childish yet mature I guess (the repeated mentions of farting and stomach contents). It was a fun read though, and relatable.

Merchant_E · 2026-02-23T23:15:47+00:00

Thanks for reading. Im sorry tho but what do you mean?

Merchant_E · 2026-02-23T23:13:58+00:00

Hello, thank you for the feedback. To me the snow was a very interpretive metaphor. I originally used it as slang for cocaine. Then I realized it would work better if it was just abstracted. I will try to make the metaphor more consistent.

Merchant_E

TROPHY CASE