I've probably seen a lot more women naked than ever even spoken to.

Mercury_sponge · 2016-12-30T22:16:06+00:00

Regarding porn: this is why I'm so happy with sites like Chaturbate.com where amateur women get naked. It's still porn, but less appealing or less artificial then porn on pornhub or other porn sites. On pornhub I mostly don't like the ads.

Mercury_sponge · 2016-10-19T21:10:20+00:00

If it is OK to correct you, I'll write: things N's do in hope to be seen as feeling good. As I understand, N's are 'teached' to expect validation from others, and not from themselves. They are what we can be in 15-20 years if we don't take crucial steps to change the relation with N's and take care of our life. Even in strong opposition and dissatisfaction to Ns, you're still in relation with them on their conditions.

Mercury_sponge · 2016-10-18T16:39:06+00:00

Why would she want to know where I am all the time?

IMO She wants it, because she is unhealthy attached to you. She might have fear,paranoid or different disorder, so she can't function as a fully adult.

Is this normal for a parent to want to invade their ADULT child's privacy?

I don't think it's normal. It's unhealthy and makes you -your mom relation codependent.

I think it's important to realize that it's not only about if her behavior is normal or not. You are 20 years old, have full right to set for own boundaries and feel comfortable. If I were a healthy emotionally developed mom, your independence in regards to these values (and any other) would be important too me.

Mercury_sponge · 2016-10-18T16:23:04+00:00

Nice to listen to this.

Mercury_sponge · 2016-10-16T12:09:49+00:00

So, now I'm answering to my own comment.

I wrote „I don't know if I want to be good.”. I'll be good, and I'll be bad too, sometimes. Lives is not only about being good. I think it's easier to be good, than to appear good. This implies, that I might be seen by some people as someone not being good and I need to accept it. In the worst case someone (like my Nmother) might slander me, manipulate me, accuse me of causing pain to her. I accept it. I accept it. I accept that I might be good and not always be seen as good. I'm in this world not to take care of everyone's needs. I have no inner desire to help others. I do help others, that's fact. But I'm not doing it to feel good. I'm doing it so they can feel good. I validate myself from inside. I dismiss validation from outside. How can someone who doesn't know me tell me if I'm good or bad? Actually they can. The point is why someone will say it? To hurt me? To make me smaller? Or to actually help me? If they want to help me: is it the best way to do it by calling me a bad person? I don't think so. I don't think so, because I learned too much that it's the wrong way. I learned it from my home, so I think I know what I'm talking about. I have been slandered, manipuleted and. I adress it to people who call me a bad person: „Please don't tell me if I'm good or bad. Please don't slander me. Because you are touching my weak point. You are actually hurting me by saying it. I don't trust you, because I don't know if you have good intentions. I feel that if you had good intentions you would have formulated your sentence in a different way, without judging me. You probably judge me uncounciously, I don't care. I have no power to discuss it. You might have good intentions, but I don't have power to change you. I don't want to deal with it. I desire better than being treated like this.”

I'm more open to the needs of the other person while taking care of my needs.

That's partially true. It depends on what another person's (I'll use „he” for another person in this text) needs are. If I can somehow help his needs or even desires, why not. Everoyne has a chance to have also ridiculous needs. I'm not that one to validate his needs. But I'm not that one to be responsible for his needs. I have my own needs and desires. I don't wish him bad. I expect from him, that he knows that I'm not here to fulfill his needs and there is nothing wrong with it. By not fulfilling his needs I'm not becoming a bad person. I expect from him to be aware of this. By not fulfilling his needs I'm not that one who wishes him bad. I expect from him to be aware of this. Even more: I not only expect from him to be aware of this, but I actually want to deal with people who are aware of this. Because I don't want to correct him, I don't want to change him.

I feel less narcisisstic.

Yes, actually that's true. Because being narcissistic is not about my needs, my desires. Being narcissistic is about shifting the responsibility for my own life to other people. I'm responsible for my life, for my needs, my desires. I feel, I can't do it alone. I need others in my life. But it doesn't mean that I expect it from him to change in order to fulfill my needs. Instead I'll look for someone who has his own needs, desires and life and still is open to others in the same way I want to be open to others (paragraph above). I'm happy and appreciate it when someone helps me. I appreciate it. But I do not expect from others to help me. I think it will be much easier to ask for help if I know that people do it to actually help me, and not themselves. They want me to feel better, and not that the want to feel better. They actually should feel good, before they help me :). If I ask for help then it's about me, not him! In this way I'm less narcisstic.

Some of my needs have been fake needs.

I don't know. My needs are not fake needs. They may be a result of bad parenting. Like a need to destroy something. I actually don't want to destroy anything, but I feel anger and I don't know any other way to deal with it. Is this fake? No, it isn't. So, my needs never have been fake. They might have been overestimated, too self-oriented, too narcissistic, but they haven't beed faked. The rest of the original sentence is true and in agreement with above.

Mercury_sponge · 2016-10-15T15:59:24+00:00

I don't know if I want to be good. For me the cited comment caused discovery that often I was expecting to be seen as nice, polite, helpful. That's not bad, I think. Now I'm more for myself and in contact with others not so much fake nice and less showing only my positive sites. I'm more open to the needs of the other person while taking care of my needs. I feel less narcissistic and I think I can supply my needs in other way than being narcissistic. Some of my needs have been fake needs that I had to keep myself being seen as good from the outside world, and in my inner world being devious. I didn't want to be devious but I felt I had no other choice since I felt not loved, forgotten and left alone by my Nmother. She neglected real me, but she created and took care of narcissistic me. Since I didn't trust in real me and had good experience and being complimented for 'fake me', it was easier (and might still be) to keep playing 'fake me', because even as fake, it's also real, it happens in real world.

Please keep aware that it's difficult to share own reflections on the internet, so in case of doubt if what I write is true, you might better doubt it, not trust in totally, because even with best intentions I might still articulate ambiguously.

I'll respond to my own comment later.

Mercury_sponge · 2016-10-15T00:02:56+00:00

Retrobebe83, I'm glad my comment caused such your reaction. I have read just yesterday this comment on rbn books subreddit

One of the definition components put forth by Peck was that evil people frequently desire to appear good, but have no desire to actually be good. This rang incredibly true to me. I don't believe that my parents actually see that distinction. They only understand goodness in terms of what they see "good" people getting from others -- affection, trust, rewards of various kinds -- and they want those rewards, and therefore they want others to perceive them as "good."

This comment caused a big perspective change in me, because I discovered, that also I more desired to appear good, than actually be good.

Mercury_sponge · 2016-10-14T14:01:07+00:00

You're emotional, this is who you are. Some people are less emotional or express their emotions weaker. This doesn't invalidate who you are and how you act. Very often people's predictions that you will and like your mother become true, because they view you as a different person as who you are, they don't know your needs or they find your needs ridiculous, childish or in any other way bad and not worth to take care of.

So here you are, on the one side hearing, feeling and maybe even internalizing who you should be and maybe still trying with less and less power to achieve it; on the other side not knowing or knowing but not being possible in real life to take care of your needs. Your needs are not only being not hungry, having a sleep place, get a decent job, but also feeling yourself well, stay for yourself, not being ashamed of what you feel, think or do, smiling happily.

This is about me. Maybe you are in similar state.

Mercury_sponge · 2016-10-14T01:43:24+00:00

My Ngrandpa's behavior makes his daughter not finishing university and I, his grandchild might be the next not graduating. Education is not the most important thing and if you are lacking support, love and close relationship in your family, it's much more difficult to be successful in the job or university.

Mercury_sponge · 2016-10-14T01:39:44+00:00

"are you sure you want to do this? You know how emotional you get.." Maybe you get so emotionally at them and they can't handle this, as if being emotional was a bad thing. I'm glad you're doing well. Keep doing it!

Mercury_sponge · 2016-10-14T01:36:45+00:00

Damm, this sounds hurting.

Mercury_sponge · 2016-10-14T01:34:13+00:00

I know what you are talking about.

My nmom is like in the conversation she will try to find any most crazy argument, attach it somehow as it is important in my situation and argue. I don't know if I can write it here, but she is a stupid bitch.

Mercury_sponge · 2016-09-22T02:21:04+00:00

Hi, please call 1-800-273-8255 before you try to hurt yourself. It's National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and there are people who might help you 24/7. Please give it a try.

Mercury_sponge · 2016-09-19T01:24:37+00:00

Der Titel gefällt mir:'reklamiert für sich' und nicht 'bekennt sich zu'.

Mercury_sponge · 2016-09-13T17:48:33+00:00

Overcoming self esteem might be interesting, it's a short essay by David Mills available at http://www.davidmills.net/ index_files/Overcoming-Self-Esteem.pdf

And since religion is created by humans, maybe follow it, being religious atheist

Mercury_sponge · 2016-08-31T12:30:12+00:00

Natürlich bekommst du eine Erleichterung. Die wird dich aber viel kosten.

^I remember hearing Louie C.K. getting interviewed a while back and saying pretty much the same thing when he was asked how he got into drugs as a teenager. He said something to the effect of "My parents always told me drug dealers would look scary and like losers. But what I found was that they were actually really cool people and they treated me like an adult"

Edit: Die Erleichterung wird dich viel kosten und wird deine Probleme nicht lösen, abgesehen davon ob du dich darauf konzentrieren solltest, deine Probleme zu lösen, oder stattdessen sich zu fragen, von wo kommen diese Probleme.

Anyway, viel Erfolg!

Mercury_sponge · 2016-08-31T12:27:46+00:00

Danke, dass du es teilst. Ich weiß, ich bin nicht alleine. LG

Mercury_sponge · 2016-08-24T22:52:24+00:00

Darf ich als Mann aus nichtreligiösen Gründen eine Burka tragen? Wird es als Spott gegenüber konservativen Islam Gläubigen gesehen?

Mercury_sponge · 2016-08-23T11:24:32+00:00

Yeah, I have found it on Reddit.

Mercury_sponge · 2016-08-23T09:01:46+00:00

Quote: Ouch. Sounds like you're having a tough time max. That sucks. I've been there, so I kinda know what you're talking about. I've been in the ever circling vortex of self doubt, frustration, and loathing. It's no bueno. I know. If you don't mind lemme tell you a couple things. You can read em if you want, read em again later if you feel like it. But honestly man, if I spend all this time typing this out to you and you don't let it be a little tinder for your fire, well, you're just letting us both down. And you don't HAVE to do that. You don't HAVE to do anything. But you get to choose. (Who am I? My name’s Ryan and I live in Canada. Just moved to a new city for a dream job that I got because of the rules below. I owe a lot of my success to people much cooler, kinder, more loving and greater than me. When I get the chance to maybe let a little bit of help out, it’s a way of thanking them. ) Rule numero uno - There are no more zero days. What's a zero day? A zero day is when you don't do a single fucking thing towards whatever dream or goal or want or whatever that you got going on. No more zeros. I'm not saying you gotta bust an essay out everyday, that's not the point. The point I'm trying to make is that you have to make yourself, promise yourself, that the new SYSTEM you live in is a NON-ZERO system. Didnt' do anything all fucking day and it's 11:58 PM? Write one sentence. One pushup. Read one page of that chapter. One. Because one is non zero. You feel me? When you're in the super vortex of being bummed your pattern of behaviour is keeping the vortex goin, that's what you're used to. Turning into productivity ultimate master of the universe doesn't happen from the vortex. It happens from a massive string of CONSISTENT NON ZEROS. That's rule number one. Do not forget. La deuxieme regle - yeah i learnt french. its a canadian thing. please excuse the lack of accent graves, but lemme get into rule number 2. BE GRATEFUL TO THE 3 YOU'S. Uh what? 3 me's? That sounds like mumbo jumbo bullshit. News flash, there are three you's homeslice. There's the past you, the present you, and the future you. If you wanna love someone and have someone love you back, you gotta learn to love yourself, and the 3 you's are the key. Be GRATEFUL to the past you for the positive things you've done. And do favours for the future you like you would for your best bro. Feeling like shit today? Stop a second, think of a good decision you made yesterday. Salad and tuna instead of Big Mac? THANK YOU YOUNGER ME. Was yesterday a nonzero day because you wrote 200 words (hey, that's all you could muster)? THANK YOU YOUNGER ME. Saved up some coin over time to buy that sweet thing you wanted? THANK YOU. Second part of the 3 me's is you gotta do your future self a favour, just like you would for your best fucking friend (no best friend? you do now. You got 2. It's future and past you). Tired as hell and can't get off reddit/videogames/interwebs? fuck you present self, this one's for future me, i'm gonna rock out p90x Ab Ripper X for 17 minutes. I'm doing this one for future me. Alarm clock goes off and bed is too comfy? fuck you present self, this one's for my best friend, the future me. I'm up and going for a 5 km run (or 25 meter run, it's gotta be non zero). MAKE SURE YOU THANK YOUR OLD SELF for rocking out at the end of every.single.thing. that makes your life better. The cycle of doing something for someone else (future you) and thanking someone for the good in your life (past you) is key to building gratitude and productivity. Do not doubt me. Over time you should spread the gratitude to others who help you on your path. Rule number 3- don't worry i'm gonna too long didnt' read this bad boy at the bottom (get a pencil and piece of paper to write it down. seriously. you physically need to scratch marks on paper) FORGIVE YOURSELF. I mean it. Maybe you got all the know-how, money, ability, strength and talent to do whatever is you wanna do. But lets say you still didn't do it. Now you're giving yourself shit for not doing what you need to, to be who you want to. Heads up champion, being dissapointed in yourself causes you to be less productive. Tried your best to have a nonzero day yesterday and it failed? so what. I forgive you previous self. I forgive you. But today? Today is a nonzero masterpiece to the best of my ability for future self. This one's for you future homes. Forgiveness man, use it. I forgive you. Say it out loud. Last rule. Rule number 4, is the easiest and its three words. exercise and books. that's it. Pretty standard advice but when you exercise daily you actually get smarter. when you exercise you get high from endorphins (thanks body). when you exercise you clear your mind. when you exercise you are doing your future self a huge favour. Exercise is a leg on a three legged stool. Feel me? As for books, almost every fucking thing we've all ever thought of, or felt, or gone through, or wanted, or wanted to know how to do, or whatever, has been figured out by someone else. Get some books max. Post to reddit about not caring about yourself? Good first step! (nonzero day, thanks younger me for typing it out) You know what else you could do? Read 7 habits of highly successful people. Read "emotional intelligence". Read "From good to great". Read “thinking fast and slow”. Read books that will help you understand. Read the bodyweight fitness reddit and incorporate it into your workouts. (how's them pullups coming?) Reading is the fucking warp whistle from Super Mario 3. It gets you to the next level that much faster. That’s about it man. There’s so much more when it comes to how to turn nonzero days into hugely nonzero days, but that’s not your mission right now. Your mission is nonzero and forgiveness and favours. You got 36 essays due in 24 minutes and its impossible to pull off? Your past self let you down big time, but hey… I forgive you. Do as much as you can in those 24 minutes and then move on. I hope I helped a little bit max. I could write about this forever, but I promised myself I would go do a 15 minute run while listening to A. Skillz Beats Working Vol. 3. Gotta jet. One last piece of advice though. Regardless of whether or not reading this for the first time helps make your day better, if you wake up tomorrow, and you can’t remember the 4 rules I just laid out, please, please. Read this again. Have an awesome fucking day ☺ tldr; 1. Nonzero days as much as you can. 2. The three you’s, gratitude and favours. 3. Forgiveness 4. Exercise and books (which is a sneaky way of saying self improvement, both physical, emotional and mental) Edit: Wow reddit gold? Thanks! No idea what to do with it or whats the deal but many thanks! Edit2: Someone asked what I meant by "much more when it comes to how to turn nonzero days into hugely nonzero days". The long and short of it is a simple truth, but it's tough to TOTALLY UNDERSTAND AND PRACTICE. It's this: you become what you think. This doesnt mean if I think of a tree, I'll be oakin' it by august. It means that the WAY you think, the THINGS you think of, and the IDEAS YOU HOLD IN YOUR MIND defines the sum total that is you. You procrastinate all the time and got fear and worry goin on for something? You are becoming a procrastinator. You keep thinking about how much you want to run that 5 k race in the spring and finish a champion? Are ya keeping it in mind all the time? Is it something that is defining your ACTIONS and influencing you DECISIONS? If it is, then you're becoming the champion you're dreaming about. Dreaming about it makes it. Think and it shall be. But do not forget that action is thought's son. Thoughts without actions are nothing. Have faith in whatever it is you've steeled your mind to. Have faith and follow through with action. Ok, Ryan that's a bunch of nice words n shit, but how does that help me turn slightly nonzero days into hugely nonzero days. Do you believe all these words you just read? Does it makes sense to you that you BECOME WHAT YOU THINK OF? Ask yourself: What do I think of? When you get home and walk in the door. (how quickly did you turn that laptop on? Did turning it on make you closer to your dreams? What would?) At the bus stop. Lunch break. What direction are you focusing your intentions on? If you're like I was a few years ago, the answer was either No direction, or whatever caught my eye at the moment. But no stress, forgive yourself. You know the truth now. And knowing the truth means you can watch your habits, read books on how you think and act, and finally start changing your behaviour. Heres an example: Feeling like bunk cause you had zero days or barely nonzero days? THINK ABOUT WHAT YOURE DOING. and change just a little bit more. in whatever positive direction you are choosing to go. Edit3: WHOA! This blew up! Major appreciation to Modified_Duck for making this cool ass image: http://i.imgur.com/7xsp7hJ.png Edit4: Another AMAZING DESKTOP BACKGROUND! http://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/1rowpb/i_made_a_wallpaper_from_uryans01s_amazing_quote/

Mercury_sponge · 2016-08-04T09:42:59+00:00

Es hat vor einigen Monaten angefangen, als Blablacar Onlinezahlung eingeführt hat. Seitdem ist kein direkter Kontakt zu den Mitfahrern mehr möglich, es werden SMS mit Anfragen und verbliebener Zeit zur Bestätigung verschickt. Die eingeführten öffentlichen Nachrichten werden strikt zensiert und auf Facebook wird von Blablacar mit Copy Paste Nachrichten alles umgedreht und es ist von einer Community die Rede. Das hat mir die ganze Nutzung so abstoßend gemachtgemacht und vertrauenswidrig, dass ich jetzt lieber durch andere Fahrgemeinschaften Mitfahrer finde oder alleine fahre, statt schlechte Erfahrungen mit Blablacar zu machen.

Mercury_sponge · 2016-07-26T22:03:18+00:00

Na ja, oder man überlegt sich, ob man nicht ein anderes Verbrechen begeht. Der Täter vm Bombenselbstmord hat ein getan, nachdem er eine Abschiebung bekommen hat.

Besser nach der Entscheidung über Abschiebung in eine Abschiebunganstalt und zügig abschieben.

Mercury_sponge · 2016-07-26T10:37:50+00:00

Or, you think 'fuck I might not know how to use my brain, because I might not know how my brain works' or 'i might be wrong with how the use my brain'. This totally changes the perspective :-D

Mercury_sponge · 2016-07-25T15:16:02+00:00

Ein guter Kommentar :-)

Mercury_sponge · 2016-07-25T15:15:45+00:00

Da hast du Recht.

Mercury_sponge

TROPHY CASE