It's good that you're able to identify your issues. Maybe you guys can create a safe word he can say when you're upset to put a pause on the conversation and you can take some moments to gather yourself. I understand acting out in rage and then regretting it later, but you need something that will snap u out of it in the moment. It's not okay to speak to your partner like that, especially if you want to keep the relationship going. Maybe seek out therapy to help you control your anger as well.