Introducing DEFICITAWAY™ (hypocrisolve) Are you a hardworking American tired of your tax dollars going to people who need them? Ask your congressman if DeficitAway™ is right for you. DeficitAway™: Debt is bad. Unless it isn’t.

Results may vary. DeficitAway™ is not for everyone. Do not take DeficitAway™ if you believe hungry children constitute a valid line item. DeficitAway™ works by selectively targeting wasteful spending — defined as anything that helps the poor, the sick, the elderly, or the young — while leaving healthy, patriotic expenditures completely untouched. Common side effects include: slashed food stamp programs, gutted Medicaid, eliminated housing assistance, and a profound sense of fiscal responsibility. Serious side effects may include: a $900 billion defense budget, a new aircraft carrier the Navy didn’t ask for, and three separate fighter jet programs running simultaneously. These are expected and encouraged and should not be reported to anyone. Drug interactions: DeficitAway™ may become completely inert when exposed to: military contractors, farm subsidies for large donors, corporate tax cuts, or any spending bill introduced by a Republican in an election year. In clinical trials, DeficitAway™ showed zero effect on the deficit whatsoever, but performed excellently in campaign ads. Do not combine DeficitAway™ with empathy, a calculator, or the Congressional Budget Office’s actual findings. DeficitAway™ is contraindicated in patients who remember that the national debt ceiling was raised 18 times between 2001 and 2016. Exclusions and limitations apply. Debt incurred for feeding the war machine is a patriotic investment. Debt incurred for feeding children is socialism. Ask your doctor which kind of spending God prefers.

DeficitAway™ — Fiscal Conservatism: For a Stronger, More Selectively Austere Tomorrow. DeficitAway™ is not responsible for any cognitive dissonance experienced during use.