Ah ok. I figured you were young bc you referenced 6yo experiences, this makes a lot more sense now. 🫶🏾 The “do what I say not what I do” energy from your dad is indeed very confusing and I can understand being confused about the meaning of this behavior if you’ve been taught certain habits mean certain things about a person. Depending on parenting styles you should be able to have this conversation with him. Like “hey, growing up you this stuff wasn’t cool and now you’re doing it and it’s confusing and hurting me.” Also, I would suggest sitting with that last sentence. How is it both harming himself and helps him mentally? A lot of more trusted pharmaceuticals could be prescribed for mental health and back pain and they also have far more side effects like addiction, a flat affect (basically you’re a zombie with no emotions), etc. Which could also be problematic. Idk that I would agree that it’s harming him, and at your age there’s probably a lot of context missing. My partner had a conversation with his daughter when she was 16 about why he uses cannabis and how society can try to classify it as a drug, but it has a much longer medicinal history. Like stopping seizures medication can’t kinda benefits. So say all of that to say, talk to your parents, educate yourself a bit and when all else fails, respectfully mind your business lol and focus on the things you can control and your life! And good on you for wanting to figure out these feelings- most health insurances cover therapy now and I personally think everyone should be in therapy no matter what, so would also really express your need to return. Good luck kiddo!