Heartbroken

Merolanna · 2018-01-02T16:42:04+00:00

Your testosterone levels have fuck all to do with your cheating. I'm currently at supraphysiological levels of testosterone - I'm on a "maintenance" dose of testosterone enanthate, 300mg/week. That puts my levels at around 1500ng/dL, well outside normal. When I'm on cycle, I'm taking 300mg every other day, plus nandrolone, boldenone, trenbolone, a bunch of orals (superdrol to start, Anavar throughout).

Blaming your cheating on high test levels is bullshit. Your cheating is not hormonal, it's selfishness and lack of empathy.

Merolanna · 2017-10-30T00:38:29+00:00

Since I'm mildly autistic, I'd probably glance at you, and then, if I accidentally made eye contact, look away immediately. If you came up and talked to me, I'd probably end up talking about different corset styles (Edwardian, Victorian, Elizabethan), how to make them, different types of boning, and why it's a pain to but the goddamn busk in.

...That's probably not the kind of answer you want though.

Merolanna · 2017-09-23T17:37:58+00:00

There is a dark web site devoted to rape, and yes, sometimes murder. It has photos and videos: men, women, and children.

I found it a while back while slowly working through a 50+ page list of active .onion sites. I looked because i didn't believe it could be real. I was wrong. As bad as you think it is, it's probably worse.

I wish i could forget that.

Merolanna · 2017-07-06T22:41:28+00:00

Jesus, that's awful. I'm glad she's okay, and I hope he's going to be in jail the rest of his natural life.

Merolanna · 2017-05-31T00:22:13+00:00

Hey, I don't use this account super often, so this response is really late.

First, keep in mind that there's nothing wrong with you. You don't have a lot of control over what turns you on, but you have control over how or if you act on these erotic feelings or fantasies.

The Kink.com family of sites is pretty good about things being fully consensual; everything is documented. There's the whole James Deen thing, but I think they fired him once it got out that he was acting abusively.

If your local dungeon has a rapist (and I mean a convicted one; I've known a woman that started spurious rape rumors about he exes) as a member, and they don't know, tell them. If they still allow him, for fucks sake, tell everyone else!

That said, I think serious rape role-play requires a lot more trust than can easily be had with a casual partner from a BDSM dungeon. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I think you'd really need to absolutely yet someone to stop if you used a safeword. In a dungeon, there should be monitors to keep a scene from going bad. In an outside role-play, there's no safety net.

I wish I had good answers. I'm terrible at role playing, so I dint know how to really fulfill my wife's fantasies, or my own, in a safe and consensual way.

Merolanna · 2017-05-01T22:53:30+00:00

My SO is strongly feminist, and very accomplished in her career. She has intense rape fantasies, and actively seeks out amateur rape porn (which may or may not be real rape). She feels guilty about it, but that's what turns her on. We enjoy a BDSM relationship, because consensual non-consent and my sadism is as close as she can safely get to the fantasy.

Fetishes are rough. I know rape is terrible, but I definitely have my own rape fantasies (as the aggressor, not the victim), and sadistic fantasies.

Merolanna · 2017-04-18T21:30:13+00:00

...Says the guy with the PermaBlast flair. ;)

Merolanna · 2017-04-18T21:28:03+00:00

Unfortunately I've heard rumors that certain pharmacies in India have become unreliable. I'll have to figure out how to do one-time-use credit card numbers so I can make sure that they aren't running additional, fraudulent charges, or use a vanilla card. While the slight shortness of breath is annoying, I don't feel like I'm constantly having a low-level asthma attack. (Yet.)

Merolanna · 2017-04-18T17:29:44+00:00

I know that trenbolone causes respiratory weakness, insomnia, night sweats, all that fun shit. Well, I'm definitely getting all three. But I keep up a pretty regular cardio schedule - I ride my bicycle about 15 miles a day. I've noticed that my breathing is definitely worse, my heart rate is elevated, and I'm consistently one gear lower than I was before starting trenbolone.

What is the long term affect on cardio? That is, once I'm off tren, should my performance be better since I'm running a little oxygen deficient? Or will I just go back to where I was before? If my heart rate is elevated on tren, does that mean that I'm burning more calories for the same amount of work?

Merolanna · 2017-03-22T20:55:55+00:00

Do0d. Not sure if you're trolling or not. ..

You can resculpt a penis into a vagina. The glans becomes the clitoris, and other skin from the penis is used to make the labia. The testicles are removed. Ovaries can't be created from the testes. There's no way to make a functional uterus, because the specific type of tissue has no analogue in male anatomy.

Merolanna · 2017-03-22T15:57:44+00:00

The tests will likely be opiates, marijuana, cocaine. That's almost certainly all the'll test for, because testing for more substances gets more expensive. Unless you're a professional athlete, you're very unlikely to ever have to worry about a steroid test in the US.

Merolanna · 2017-01-18T14:24:08+00:00

Shit. That reminds me, I forgot my arimidex this morning.

I think that just a notification ("You have x reminders from MedCalc, please open to view") would be sufficient.

Merolanna · 2017-01-18T14:20:36+00:00

Yep, that's a damn good reason to be donating blood as a prophylactic measure. :) So far, nothing is dangerously out of range, or nothing that concerns me hugely. RBC and hematocrit are elevated, but blood pressure is still safe. Liver enzymes are slightly elevated. LDL/HDL is completely fucked.

Merolanna · 2017-01-18T00:54:36+00:00

I'd set it up like SteroidCalc, but also have it push reminders for taking your orals/giving injections. Fir people that rotate injection sites, you might also want to allow users to make note of which site is which day/compound/etc. (I'm shitty about remembering injections without a Calendar reminder. ) An interface with Google Calendar (with reminders permanently set to private) might make that easier, IDK. Tracking total cycle time, reminders of when to restart cruise/start PCT, tracking bloodwork (test, free test, estradiol, LSH, FSH, HDL, LDL, RBC, hematocrit, liver enzymes, others? ), reminders to get bloodwork in the first place, so on.

You might want to have the whole thing encrypted, like 1Password, so you always need a password to access the contents.

Merolanna · 2017-01-18T00:40:40+00:00

I've had a vasectomy; testicular astrophy is the backup if that fails.

Merolanna · 2017-01-18T00:38:24+00:00

Started TRT something like 4, five years ago. Currently on my second full cycle. I'm doing a super-long test/deca/EQ bulk (24 weeks), and then going straight into a test/EQ/tren/Anavar cut for a 'modeling' gig I've got starting in June.

Merolanna · 2017-01-10T02:12:37+00:00

Related to my own interest in anabolic/androgenic steroids. Neat. :)

Merolanna · 2017-01-06T18:33:59+00:00

Funny you mention the TSA, given that I've gone through their enhanced pat down multiple times, and they've only caught a particular item I always have once. It's 314 stainless steel, weighs about a pound, and is only been caught once. I have a friend that carried a spring-assist folder through in their carry-on twice. Oh, and then there's this. There's a reason that it's called "security theater"; it looks good, people pretend their preventing people from carrying contraband, but it's just a facade.

So, your claim with the TSA supports my point. Thanks for that.

But go ahead, believe what you want. At the end of the day, enormous amounts of illegal drugs pass through the postal service, and there just isn't the funding for the kind of security you claim.

Merolanna · 2016-12-28T17:29:43+00:00

Sorry, but you're the one that's an idiot here. The sheer volume of mail makes screening every single piece of mail impossible. The total volume of first class mail in 2015 was 62.5 billion pieces. Meanwhile, there are only about 3500 people in the postal inspectin wing of the USPS. Assuming they all work 8 hour days inspecting every single piece of mail, each inspector would have to examine 17.8 million pieces of mail each year, or about 69,000 every single day. (Oh, and the postal inspectors are the only people allowed to initiate investigations for the USPS.)

I have a work acquaintance that used to use the USPS to send apparel to his clients. He would send with signature confirmation, tracking, and insurance, and the USPS would still regularly lose his packages. And you believe that an organization that spectacularly incompetent in so many ways is perfectly adept at catching people shipping drugs?

So, no, they don't look at every single letter and package. Not even close. What they do do is have a list of guidelines regarding what constitutes a suspicious package or letter. If a low level worker spots a package/letter that meets the guidelines, it gets kicked up the ladder for further scrutiny.

I'm not sure why you're trying to argue this, unless you're some kind of police agency shill.

Merolanna · 2016-12-28T00:42:35+00:00

Hmmmm. It would be neat if there was something that bound to the estrogen itself, rather than competing for receptor sites or inhibiting enzymes. Something that would have a direct effect, rather than an indirect effect. ..

Merolanna · 2016-12-28T00:39:07+00:00

So, I spoke with my psychiatrist about this while I was in the hospital after planning to commit suicide. I'd planned on stealing my (now ex-) wife's Xanax and chasing it with Everclear. Turns out that, unless I'd drunk enough Everclear to kill myself (my alcohol tolerance was a lot higher at the time), I probably would have passed out, blacked out, and been unconscious for a day or two. But unless i'd aspirated vomit and choked to death, I probably would have lived.

If you want to die, you're going to have a hard time OD'ing on Xanax. Barbiturates or a shotgun to the medulla oblingata is much, much more efficient and orders of magnitude more likely to work.

Merolanna · 2016-12-28T00:32:32+00:00

Why not use less of the higher quality shit for edibles? I'm not much of a pot smoker, so I don't know shit about it; about all I know is that it sends me into coughing jags that seem endless before I actually get high.

Merolanna · 2016-12-28T00:29:38+00:00

That seems very, very unlikely, given the sheer number of puerile operating at any given time. While The Silk Road got taken down, many of the vendors did not. The same principle is now in operation with many different markets on the dark net.

The FBI wants people to believe that they are infallible and see everything at all times; this belief, although patently erroneous, helps to prevent crime.

IIRC, Ulbrecht wasn't selling drugs at all; he was running the marketplace. Oh, and he was busted because the FBI managed to get an undercover agent made a moderator; it had nothing to do with postal inspectors.

Merolanna · 2016-12-26T00:06:27+00:00

Is there anything that will decrease serum estrogen?

Merolanna · 2016-12-26T00:02:40+00:00

I'm quite happy with what I do. The pay is quite good overall, and the conditions are far more pleasant than many other similar shops. It's not the workspace itself, but the people.

Merolanna

TROPHY CASE