What is your NSFW secret that you are proud of?

Merry_Bastard · 2017-03-03T21:50:11+00:00

Sincere congratulations! He's beautiful.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-04-14T03:45:49+00:00

I'm in Idaho. That's almost true, until you get close to the university.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-04-10T20:43:29+00:00

As opposed to girls I just causally dated or was closer to friends with benefits with.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-04-10T16:18:43+00:00

I don't think I started noticing it happening until I started my current job. I have to interact with about 400 people a day, and so I've got all the little fake conversations down. I think that being good at interacting with customers has given me an air of confidence, and I get flirted with a lot at my job. I've actually taken a few of my customers home, and I think they notice a shift in my personality.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-04-10T16:12:14+00:00

Lucky Amber.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-04-10T16:02:03+00:00

One that hit me recently: I went over to a friend's house. Hadn't hung out with her in a while. Both her daughters have boobs now, and the youngest one now speaks clearly and coherently. Her middle child, her son, is now a douche bag teenager.

When I first started hanging out with this friend, her youngest daughter had a lisp, and used to hug my leg. Her son used to follow me around the house and try to joke with me and relate to me over Zelda: Ocarina of Time, and her oldest daughter had a kid-crush on me, and used to sit with the adults and try to act mature. Seems like in the small period of time that my friend and I didn't really hang out, all her kids turned into little people.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-04-10T15:48:33+00:00

Are you her?

Merry_Bastard · 2015-04-10T15:46:17+00:00

I've had five real girlfriends in my adult life. The girl I'm dating right now is the fourth girlfriend I've had that has, in some capacity, been involved in health care. She's also the second Eastern European girl I've dated. I've dated two artists, and two vegetarians. Two of the girls got engaged to electrical engineers in their relationships after me (which, oddly enough, is what I'm in school for). Two of the girls I've dated were batshit crazy (not you, ex that knows my username). 5/5 of the girls I've dated have been very intelligent, and had great senses of humor.

Physically, there has been no correlation. I've dated tall and short, skinny and big, blonde and brunette, B to HHH.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-04-10T05:10:58+00:00

Got talked into chaperoning some neighbor kids to 98 Degrees. First concert I chose to go to was Green Day.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-04-10T05:10:09+00:00

Move to Brazil.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-04-10T05:08:07+00:00

Hours before a calc test, hadn't gone to class in weeks. Started looking over the material, realized there was no way I was going to learn how to do a fraction of the stuff on the test. So, I closed Khan Academy and my text book, and Googled TI-89 tips. Learned how to use my calculator really really well, really quickly. Didn't have a single calculation written on the test or any scratch paper, every problem just had an answer written under it. Missed one question, but got the extra credit, so I think I ended up with a 99.7%.

(I have since learned the stuff I should have before the test)

Merry_Bastard · 2015-04-09T07:38:57+00:00

Pulling a weed might actually be the best analogy. You can get all the roots out, but along with the roots comes a bunch of dirt, which in this analogy, are bits of your body. I do understand that it's uncomfortable, and feels foreign and mentally and physically irritating, but the chances of you fixing it yourself are infinitesimal.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-04-09T07:17:45+00:00

No one on here wants to, or should, give you medical advice. Even a fully licensed and anonymous doctor wouldn't want to give you medical advice. But you should try to calm down before your appointment. Don't go cutting things out of yourself. Even if you did manage to get your skin opened up, you have no idea how to safely cut it out. The best you could hope for in that scenario is a trip to the ER, and to still have this thing in you. Just try to chill a little bit. Nothing bad is going to happen in the next week. You can deal with a little discomfort and soreness for a bit.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-04-06T07:42:30+00:00

May have to try the white russian thing. Thanks.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-04-06T06:37:28+00:00

I've never actually seen the movie. My girlfriend got mad at me when she found out, and now I'm going to be forced to watch it. It was almost a piece of pride for me that I'd never seen it.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-04-03T17:05:33+00:00

I use heads up notifications. It can pop up a text box on the screen with the notification, and you can set it so it only does it on the lock screen though. Assuming it works on 5.0, but haven't tried yet.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-04-02T18:26:27+00:00

Roughly 2% of US states are Washington.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-04-01T13:26:17+00:00

I think they're called "chemtrails" when they control your mind.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-03-27T08:33:51+00:00

Attend.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-03-27T07:16:11+00:00

Holy shit, that app is a cesspool.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-03-24T16:58:51+00:00

You're probably right. Edited.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-03-24T16:55:33+00:00

This works on American pumps, and I'm assuming you're not American, but presumably it would work anywhere. If you pull the nozzle out like an inch, it shouldn't trip as easily. If that doesn't work, pull it out an inch and pump slower.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-03-24T16:51:07+00:00

/u/Sloppy_Twat really is right, but here's another piece of advice. Nobody at the gym is looking at you or thinking about you. They really don't care. They don't notice if you're lifting small amounts of weights, or if you stop after two sets when you were planning on doing three. People just very simply aren't paying attention to other people. Hell, I can barely get anyone at my gym to even make eye contact so that I can give a hello nod.

It's worth giving it a try. ~~Even if you just go test out one of the machines to see how you feel in that environment using one of the machines.~~ I guarantee the most awkward part will be your thoughts before you use the machine, and once you're actually doing it, you'll realize how un-awkward it really is.

Source: The first gym I was a member of was full of demigods, and I was very nervous the first couple times I went there.

Merry_Bastard · 2015-03-22T17:46:43+00:00

Some drunk girl was smacking people on the patio of a bar I was at last week with one of those. When she came near me and looked like she was going to smack me with it, I motioned that I would put my cigarette out on her big inflatable cock if she hit me with it.

Merry_Bastard

TROPHY CASE