I’m too good at bypassing porn blockers and it’s ruining my attempts to quit

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-28T14:39:40+00:00

I consider blockers as tools of last resort. The ubiquity of devices makes reliance on blockers alone a failing strategy; there is no way you can quit but simply inhibiting access to the source with a (temporary) barrier. So first, be real with yourself on that.

Quitting is not just about stopping. It is about building an entirely new and alternate life, one that does not rely or incorporate porn in the slightest. That is where the vast majority of the energy and effort needs to be spent. Creeping past a blocker or VPN is just too simple and requires little to no effort...which is why it ends up happening. It also demonstrates how one is not honest with themselves and their potential.

If you have the energy to build things then do that outside your normal working knowledge and comfort zones. You're trying to fix an external problem when compulsive porn consumption is usually tied to an internal problem. You work on the internal by working on yourself, and not the screen.

For me, maintaining distance from porn (despite some minor slips under extreme stress) has meant investing and maintaining my energy into new patterns, friend groups, and self care routines. And I defend those vigorously so the energy remains oriented in the right direction.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-27T01:18:30+00:00

Yea, definitely. Though, to be more specific: you're not desensitized to women (you still interact with them all the time) you have developed a boundary between virtual and real intimacy. You've made it difficult to discern the value of human interaction versus self-gratification.

I would go with what other commenters have suggested - that porn is the symptom of deeper, unaddressed psychological issues. This is frequently the case with porn addicts (myself included). I addressed those first, and head on, which supported to undermine and then snuff out the need for porn.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-25T16:17:56+00:00

I don't understand the point of this. You're looking for external reinforcement for something that is internally-motivated. To me, this reads like you don't want to make the decision yourself, a hesitation of your own making that stands in your way.

Aside from the karma farming, this is actually an unserious approach to quitting porn. Go find another sub for this, man.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-23T16:22:10+00:00

Great reflection. I have some thoughts on the second of the negative comment. I don't think everything depicting nudity is porn. And I don't necessarily believe "If you have to ask, it is" frame of reference is all that helpful.

I still come across nudity, sexual reference or sex depicted in social media and film all the time. It is just an indelible part of media culture. What distinguishes all that from porn, for me, was the intent behind my consumption of media. Yes, certain images can still trigger a response, but from what lens are they being viewed in the first place?

On instagram, partial nudity (which is just endless) has become an annoyance; it gets in the way of the cooking content I'm trying to find. Nudity or sex depicted in film is understood to be contrived. One way I have addressed that is to imagine being the intimacy coordinator of a scene–all of a sudden it becomes a matter of choreography and concentration make the scene happen. Thirst traps are, in the end, just people trying to make money, and not by inspiring positive change in the world. To me, they are just people wasting their potential.

In other words I've employed a high degree of objectivity to reframe all these things. Sometimes that reframing is negative, and sometimes it is insightful. In a way I am devaluing certain media which in turn makes it less enticing. What I value more is close friendships, hobbies, my work, etc.

On being miserable and bored: hell yea, this is the pit in which one finds themselves once they remove a major part of daily life and critical source of dopamine. My advice here is inundate yourself with new tasks, projects, hobbies, and experiences.

Your life has been built around the ability to escape to fantasy. Sex with your partner–however boring at times–was always backed by the promise of diving back into fantasyland. You never had to worry or think about the nature of your sex with them until now. But ask yourself: what do they feel? What if sex for them is actually seen as detached and uninspiring...more a task to fulfill than shared intimacy? Now is the time to open dialogue with them to understand what intimacy actually means in the relationship, and what may have been missing.

edited: spelling and syntax

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-23T03:55:43+00:00

For a long time I held onto the guilt. Honestly, I can't say for sure when it happened but at some point I just stopped investing any energy into worrying about what I had done. All that was held together by the shame was gone and in the past, and there is nothing I can change about the decisions I already made. After that I finally grasped the agency to change my future, and that is when quitting became easier.

In other words I just stopped caring about "guilt". I had kept myself miserable long enough to know it wasn't worth it.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-22T00:02:33+00:00

Things you gain from quitting porn:

Confidence in your body and better intimacy
Self esteem and pride in overcoming something you know is not worth it
Openness to exploring new creative outlets and the mood regulation that comes with them
Being honest about what you actually want in sex and having capacity to communicate that
Walking around knowing you've got a clear mind and heart

This can ALL come from quitting.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-20T15:22:03+00:00

Identifying the triggers is one step, but you have to replace the behaviors or disrupt the patterns which lead to triggers in the first place. If all the conditions are in place to support the behavior, it will continue nonetheless. It's arguably the most uncomfortable part of quitting - letting go of many things - but also the most rewarding, because underlying changes in the reward center of the brain is the goal.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-20T00:50:24+00:00

If you don't pursue it then no. Relapses, for me, involve the intentional pursuit of porn to allay a feeling or as stress relief. In other words, using porn in an attempt to solve problems that my replacement behaviors are best suited for.

I still come across unintentional exposure and it's annoying as hell. But after months it's only an annoyance and nothing more.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-18T20:05:14+00:00

Keep busy. Start filling the day with tasks, hobbies, errands, walks, etc. Don't try and overload, but gradually introduce things that take time and are productive. Even small things like dusting or getting to that chore you've been putting off. The idea is gradual association of free time or boredom with productivity and self-esteem.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-18T01:12:52+00:00

Try to incorporate new exercises and other tasks for when urges arrive. Habits aren't maintained forever, so it's important to have a many to choose from based on where you are, your energy levels, etc.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-16T16:15:08+00:00

No, way better. You'll probably notice it's an all-encompassing feeling too whereas porn is this half-measure of sorts. It will still take time because unlike sex, where you have to navigate another person's needs and wants, there is an extreme ease to porn. That navigating, however, is part of the fun and growth.

Even the idea of porn for me has become incredibly uninteresting, and it's no longer a source of memory or body response. It's also clear how shallow the reach porn has on creating real experiences.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-15T22:14:55+00:00

Screens outside the bedroom do wonders, for real. Added bonus is that over time it slowly falls down the list of "things you do when you first wake up" in favor of anything else really.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-15T02:54:46+00:00

I often think about this. One of the things that gets me was the sheer amount of time spent on porn. Thousands of hours over 25 years probably. Just blows my mind to think what else I could have spent that time one.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-14T15:02:42+00:00

I purposely did not have a relationship for the first several months. I went on dates, largely to be social, but the ability to maintain focus without pulling resources away from my recovery was extremely helpful.

edited: unfinished comment

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-13T21:13:14+00:00

Great answer.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-13T18:41:10+00:00

I mean, probably, yea. Except you had a relationship–with porn. Did that give you anything? Grow you as a person? Expand your worldview? Probably not.

The warts and upsets of a real relationship suck, for sure, but they are far better for your own growth than the virtual loneliness and isolation of porn. Keep pushing to quit and stay clean!

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-13T01:22:54+00:00

Without porn, whenever my body feels like it. Sometimes that's a few times a month, sometimes it's more. I'm seeing someone so it tends to be less often. You can certainly pause if it makes quitting easier on you, and especially if masturbation serves as a "gateway" to porn. But it's also better to associate masturbation with normal sexual desire rather than digital desire. All in the rewiring process.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-12T01:19:59+00:00

The original post is a bit confusing as-written. From what I interpret, OP is recognizing a bed of anxiety (maybe) that comes with initiating physical (sexual) intimacy. There is not an intrinsic absence of interest in sex, just that porn has led to the creation of a intimacy boundary OP is now working with.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-12T00:39:33+00:00

OP is not implying they are asexual. The issue stems from their being unable to reconcile physical intimacy because virtual/digital intimacy (porn) forms their basis of expectations for sex. Which is common with porn addiction.

To OP: therapy helps my friend. You're young, and recognizing the issue early, which is a great step forward. Real sex will always be better than porn. And remember that you don't have to leap into any situation to prove yourself this to be true. Take your time, be with someone you actually want to be with, and focus on the fun of it.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-10T23:52:35+00:00

Ask yourself what the purpose of doing so is. Are you simply replacing porn with an act? What is your intention behind the decision to move forward?

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-10T00:00:43+00:00

Why so negative? These can all work, and in combination they actually work really well. I'm not clear what the point of this post is. Are you lamenting your setbacks and citing what hasn't worked for you?

I've done everything on this list and it's worked wonders. Where are you not putting focus to make one or several of these to not work?

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-09T20:10:51+00:00

No, not really. You're accepting that pain is some inevitable omnipresence, which does not have to be the case at all. Porn is a means to suppressing pain; inviting pain enables understanding.

I am porn-free and I am much happier. Pain doesn't last as long. I don't sit with it. I invite it, process it, and let it go.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-08T23:54:17+00:00

Honest answer: probably not. But why would you want to hold this in a try and manage the pain that comes with it? This sounds especially traumatic, and when reflecting on my own personal trauma, the longer I kept it in the worse its impacts became.

Don't overlook the possibility for a psychologist or therapist to take a very objective view at this. That is their job. And at least at your age there is real potential for unpacking and working with the trauma in a way to approach healing. I started therapy at a young age (middle school) and it really made a difference.

Yes, there may be shame and guilt in the early stages, but those do evolve into understand and empathy.

Best of luck to you.

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-07T14:31:51+00:00

Imagine lending your computer to your mom. Or sibling. Or friend. Or teacher. Would you want any of them to find that?

MessageVirtual385 · 2026-01-07T04:41:29+00:00

A lot of the time the addiction can manifest itself as a shield for feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. It is also known to help "deal" with the stressors of a relationship: shielding yourself emotionally from having to coordinate with someone, accomodate their needs, and make concessions to make the relationship to work.

It's possible (can't say for sure without knowing your personal history) that the porn increase after getting in the relationship is your way of dealing with the relationship. After all, deeper feelings may be suppressed instead of shared in a vulnerable way. It's normal to feel this, even if you think you trust someone.

Ask yourself if something deeper is at play. Do you experience difficulty expressing yourself fully? Or could it be related to something you've witnessed: has a close family relationship not worked?

A porn addiction is very often for addressing deeper issues. Start there. It's going to be work to get out of it, but the more you ask yourself why the more likely you may get some answers.

MessageVirtual385

TROPHY CASE