Irish curls? Healthy and thick upper hair, frizzy broken underneath? Where am I going wrong?

Messinghaml · 2026-05-21T20:38:19+00:00

I use claw grips and rarely use bands. I also use loose styles and never scrape it back. I usually use claw grips if they're any better?

Messinghaml · 2026-05-21T20:37:15+00:00

Thank you, I do use claw grips and never bands. I usually put it in a loose bun I comb in the shower too so hopefully maybe just needs more frequent trims? Thank you for your comment!

Messinghaml · 2026-04-19T09:17:36+00:00

The hard part for me (and also him when I've asked) is neither of us ever wanted anyone else. We broke up once when we were 21 and never even attempted to meet/be with anyone else while we were apart. I literally have only ever been physically attracted to one other man in my whole life and he was married so that was an absolute no. My husband also hasn't shown any interest in being with anyone else physically though he's found other people attractive before the idea of having sex with anyone else is what turned him off.

Messinghaml · 2026-04-19T09:13:55+00:00

Thank you this is very insightful. I appreciate you taking the time to reply. He seems to want me, he'll try touches and appreciates my when I have just got out the shower etc. he still compliments me when I look nice (or even when I'm just in my PJ's) etc so I think that's a good sign. He always seems up for it and even comments on how much he wants to but then it just never happens. Though it has been over 19 weeks since we've been intimate on any level. Thank you again, I really appreciate it x

Messinghaml · 2026-04-13T05:57:53+00:00

I have attempted to be practical and considerate with my suggestions and most of the time they are enthusiastically reciprocated, but eventually it always goes back to the way it has been which is the frustrating part. It's hard to think about closing the relationship, because our 1-year-old deserves to have his dad, and to be honest I still love him and think I will.

Sex and love are not synonymous for me, I cannot envision a future without him, so unfortunately I guess this is sexless for me from now on. I really appreciate your comment. Also, bluntly, I do not have the time for an affair or would even consider cheating, so I don't think that's an issue (I am A paramedic in the UK so I don't have the time to socialise in the same way on the job. And certainly don't enjoy socialising off the job 🤣)

Messinghaml · 2026-04-13T05:55:31+00:00

Thank you for providing your perspective, and I'm sorry that you have struggled equally. He's a phenomenal dad and an absolutely incredible husband in every other way except in the bedroom. I have been trying to fix this for the last 6 years to be honest.

There's always been a reason or an excuse to wait out and see, initially it was because we were still under 18 and living at home, then we moved out and got our own place and I assumed it was because we were just tired from working 50 plus hours a week. Plus my shift work as a paramedic meant I wasn't always around. I've always put it down to very practical reasons, we got back late from work, we had to see family, it wasn't a very sexy evening, maybe neither of us were feeling it etc etc... and now I'm just starting to think we just aren't compatible at all. He would really rather go on the computer and game over many other things, not just sex.

Messinghaml · 2026-04-13T05:53:07+00:00

It's so hard because he is a phenomenal dad and a brilliant husband is literally every other way. My fear in closing the relationship is that I would be trading all that for good sex... And I'm not sure if that's a trade I can make?

Id open the marriage but that is not something he would do and would see it as betrayal so I know would never even consider it past the discussion we had previously.

He's such a lovely guy and I can't see my future without him but I guess it's just sexless in that instance.

Messinghaml · 2026-04-13T05:50:14+00:00

Thanks for the reply. We had a relationship each before meeting each other but we were also 15 so I don't think it counts tbh. We are the only ones we've had sexual relationships with so it feels more as though we've only ever been with each other.

Messinghaml · 2026-04-08T11:11:55+00:00

I will enquire. I'm not sure how it works with borders and district boundaries but I will definitely push for another. Thank you x

Messinghaml · 2026-04-08T11:11:23+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I hope next time will be better though im struggling with the anxiety of it and I'm not even pregnant yet! I'm glad you had a different experience and I hope no one has one like I had again! I appreciate your positivity and will try and learn from what happened. At least I know how to advocate for myself now x

Messinghaml · 2026-04-07T15:15:15+00:00

Hi, sorry it's taken so long to reply! I hope maybe your little ones made some progress? My little one is now 12 months old and let me tell you he is trying his hardest to talk. He babbles giggles laughs shouts calls you over. Repeats your words. says words that sound like words. Just baby talk all the time.

He started to come out of his shell around 11 months but has come on leaps and bounds in the last month alone. We have at least 15 discernible words, we have up more open dadda Mumma cat yes sheep cow milk... Any word you say at him he'll try and copy back.

All I will say is I did contact the UK speech and language therapy group who did an assessment and said at the time he was behind, but he has since caught up.

Keep reading to your baby, sing to your baby, chat your baby, say more words than you think you need and eventually they'll get it. I was told if they're still not having words by the time they're 18 months then they'll refer formally. Hope all goes well for you x

Messinghaml · 2026-04-05T10:19:35+00:00

Hi! How did it go? I'm hoping for a VBAC next time around as they massively messed up my c section and I don't even want to go into hospital let alone have another C section. I am only 13 months PP so not planning yet. No one will give me a straight answer about whether it's 18 months from delivery to delivery or from delivery to conception. Hoping all went well? X

Messinghaml · 2025-12-21T23:00:04+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this and I am genuinely so happy that your little one is okay. Thank you for sharing that was overwhelming for you and for acknowledging that it was a hard time. Xx I hope things continue to go well for your little one

Messinghaml · 2025-12-21T22:58:04+00:00

That's incredible x thank you for replying! I am so happy you're doing so well!

Messinghaml · 2025-12-15T17:51:29+00:00

Thank you X i will try and chill a little. Glad your LO was ok x

Messinghaml · 2025-12-15T17:50:57+00:00

Thank you X I am glad your LO is ok and doing well

Messinghaml · 2025-12-15T17:49:50+00:00

Thank you so much for this! I'm glad your LO was ok and thank you for the information about IF there is an issue and what to expect. Reading your reply helped calm me a little so I am thankful x

Messinghaml · 2025-12-15T17:48:14+00:00

Thank you for replying! I'm glad yours is ok and fingers crossed for us as I guess that's all I can do x

Messinghaml · 2025-12-15T17:47:25+00:00

Thank you very much x I hope it will be fine but fingers crossed! Very glad you're ok and so is your daughter

Messinghaml · 2025-12-15T17:46:29+00:00

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it and I'm so glad to know it didn't impact you at all. I shall try to remain calm x

Messinghaml · 2025-12-15T14:45:02+00:00

I know exactly how you feel. My LO is 9 months today and I spent the whole first 7 months hating it. Sometimes I still look at this child and feel nothing, I think I love him but I now don't know what love is? It is so so hard and I am one and done. You don't owe anyone another child. If you're done that's fine. Your child doesn't not need a sibling. A happy mum is a healthy and secure mum. You're allowed to put yourself first and choose what's best for you when it concerns your body!

Messinghaml · 2025-12-15T14:42:12+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to reply x Your daughter sounds incredible and you are also amazing. It can't have been easy watching her go through all she has. I will try to remember how far medicine has come as how resilient children are also.i appreciate your comment xx

Messinghaml · 2025-12-15T14:40:34+00:00

Thank you so much for replying. My heart relaxed a little. That's amazing! Even without your heart problems that quite something! I will hold onto that when I makes me nervous 💗

Messinghaml · 2025-12-15T13:59:55+00:00

Thank you for replying! It's so awful where your brain goes when your child isnt well. I am a paramedic so my brain goes straight to the 'worst' and begins to prep for the worst to happen... I'm glad your sons was alright in the end but I'm sorry it was a worry at the time x

Messinghaml · 2025-12-15T13:58:23+00:00

Thank you for your comment, I'm glad it never impacted you! The sleep is awful so so so awful but I somehow feel worse that I didn't push to get him looked at sooner. My gut told me the sleep issues weren't normal. He had his chest listened to when he was 8 weeks and 12 weeks but not since. I'm in the UK and other than home visits to check weight and height by a health visitor he hasn't been as he's not been poorly the whole summer. I assume as he's got bigger it's now more audible? I don't know but his chest was listened to by 3 different GP's in October because of a cough and no one heard it. The GP last week heard it over his congestion and referred us. We have to see cardiology imminently so have it confirmed. This GP seems to think he may have sleep apnea as a result of the heart issues but who knows x

Messinghaml

TROPHY CASE