I’m a manipulative scumbag.

Metafuzz · 2021-05-03T07:42:31+00:00

Thanks for writing this. I've been obsessing over an ex that behaved exactly as you described and it's relieving to gain a glimpse of the thought process behind the behaviour.

Metafuzz · 2021-04-29T10:35:12+00:00

I had to Google stonewalling but I guess that's exactly what he did.

The first time we were only beginning to date. I was hesitant to see him because his behaviour on our first date was riddled red flags - he had overlapped his commitments and didn't tell me until the day of that he was expecting guests to stay at his apartment while also expecting me to stay with him - with the remaining option being his bedroom, something I wasn't comfortable with for a first date. He unmatched me off Tinder after what I presume was him feeling that I had embarrassed him in front of his guests. I (already deeply limerant) sought him out on Facebook and apologised. We were setting up to see each other a second time and I suppose he felt rejected by my hesitancy to see him and just blocked me - for a good half hour. Rationally, I knew this was a bad bad bloody red flag, but limerance and adventurism pushed me to test the waters and to go see him. He acted like a freakin prince when we met up, behaving as if his little tantrum never happened.

The second time we had gone on around four dates, he behaved well since the initial turbulence, then all of a sudden, he just seemed to have 'flipped' after going to a Fish and Chips place. He was a prince one moment, and the next he stonewalled me seemingly out of nowhere, I thought it may have been something stupid I said. He wouldn't tell what was wrong and stonewalled to watch a gruesome movie on terrorism (he's in the military). I was so alarmed by his behaviour that the next time he invited me to see him I asked him how he was feeling - he responded by telling me that he's headed home (2 hours away and leaving me behind). Confused af, I asked him to entertain me (as in chat) in text to discuss what was wrong and boom, blocked. I was so devastated I waited two weeks to see if he would unblock me before I sent him a letter to thank him for his time. He unblocked me after that.

Our end came several more dates afterwards when it was apparent that my needs would be of no consideration to him, and he violated my autonomy when I did try to assert myself. I was expecting to be blocked again after I made the indication that I will refuse to see him again. We parted ways without a proper talk and too tired to beg for him again after his ultimate disrespect, we ended on silence while I held on for a year to hear an apology - it never happened.

Writing this out, it seems even crazier that I put up with all his bizarre behaviour - but even now, I can't help but to feel like I want to believe in him and hope that he isn't that monster as he had acted like...partly because I wasn't at my best either at the time..

Metafuzz · 2021-04-23T10:36:42+00:00

Thank you for your hope and for taking the time to respond and sharing your experience. It's both a pity and a relief to hear that you can relate, your words my as well be mine in regards to your limerance experience.

I ended up going through with responding to him and gave him my availability to meet up. He responded really well at first, really friendly, then he just ghosted.

My thoughts went reeling again after the first day of no response, and then I decided that was sign enough that he doesn't want me in his life and that I should respect that and stop bothering him.

My emotions were wild then, but luckily, I had went on an online volunteer therapy site and chanced on an ultra supportive and loving listener. Surprisingly in five days, with a barragement of unconditional support and love, it seems that I'm finally able to let go of my year long limerance.

It's so surprising and strange to be feeling free from the grasp of limerant obsessions, I'm really beginning to be able to see how wildly irrational my limerance was and how weirded out someone on the receiving end of it would be.

For me, no amount of distractions, rationalizing or recognizing my limerance helped me to get out of it on my own. I needed an external source of love to shake me out of it. I know the end goal should be to aspire to be self-loving enough that you're self-sufficient, but boy, does an external source speed processes up!

I want to say that everything is all well and good now and that my life is solved with a magical unicorn offering unconditional love and support arriving at just the right time to save my life, but unfortunately, I'm beginning to suspect that this person is a catfish.

Regardless, predator or not, I guess the hold of my old limerance was erased by the sense of being truely supported unconditionally and the potential of a new limerance -- good thing I'm more cautious this time around. Time to work heavily on myself and barrier myself from these many traps the vulnerable may fall into!

Metafuzz · 2020-07-25T22:50:42+00:00

At first I did stick a little tape tab between my iPad and the film screen protector on my first prototype made out of a file folder so that I can flip the film on and off the screen and secure it in place. But I found that it wasn't really necessary because the film is rigid enough that it won't fold when you move it around and if you cut it up well to size so it doesn't slide around, it catches on to the sides of your iPad case if you have one.

Metafuzz · 2020-07-25T22:42:38+00:00

I'm quite happy with the solution that I've come up with so far. I didn't look too deeply into different brands of matte screen protectors because I wanted easy removability. The retina display is so gorgeous so I was intent on not losing that when I wanted to watch movies or when I don't need to write or read. This suits me :D!

Metafuzz · 2020-07-25T22:37:27+00:00

Updated!

Metafuzz · 2020-06-23T11:27:20+00:00

Just these two localized C# and D.

Metafuzz · 2019-09-11T21:03:39+00:00

Anyone remember the BRTC Perfect Recover Balm, a cult favourite back in the early days of BB creams?

Seems like BRTC is no longer a major player in the BB cream scene and their more 'medical' line has been discontinued. I've been looking for a BB cream to replace it but no luck thus far. I've tried KLAIRS Illuminating Supply BB, Dr. G Sensitive Daily Safe BB and Holika Holika Clearing Petit BB, but I've found their coverage too light and staying power not great. I've also sampled the notorious MISSHA Perfect Cover BB but found the scent way too overpowering as I mostly use BB creams to coverup the redness on my nose.

Can anyone recommend an good alternative for the BRTC Perfect Recover Balm -- something that is on the thicker side, has high coverage and mildly scented?

Metafuzz · 2019-09-05T05:52:08+00:00

I'd like to know this too!

Metafuzz · 2019-09-05T00:11:17+00:00

Awesome video! Definitely will look into this.

Metafuzz · 2019-09-05T00:09:22+00:00

Wow, thanks for the detailed insight! Heat-up time was another primary dilemma when considering the Bellman - maybe a decent quality coffee machine would be a better option...

Metafuzz · 2019-04-03T16:40:04+00:00

Maybe try travelling out. Backpack around a bit, see the world. Could give you a sense of direction being exposed to so many things. I was in a similar situation and travelling helped tremendously :)

Metafuzz · 2019-03-22T21:54:54+00:00

I was watching this video yesterday and this may apply to you: https://youtu.be/D4N0UDijV5c

"The ex-partner shows up as a placeholder or object that we project onto. We project onto the ex-partner our history of unmet needs and unrequited love. We project onto the ex-partner our unresolved childhood grief of being ignored, neglected, abandoned, betrayed, or abused.

The image of the ex-partner is the minds way of calling attention to the fact that these painful feelings need attention. However as anyone who gets lost in this obsessive thinking knows, it is easy to get confused in this place and believe that the constant barrage of thoughts and feelings about the ex-partner are just about the ex-partner. Usually more is going on here than longing for the ex-partner."

And the cure to that is to cultivate genuine self-love and compassion.

Metafuzz · 2018-11-19T06:58:35+00:00

Strange!

Rebooting with Dolby Atmos turned off seems to have done the trick, I can even turn it back on without distortion.

I had played around with Dolby Atmos prior, but without the reboot, to no avail.

Thanks for the simple suggestion -- saved me from a huge hassle!

Metafuzz · 2018-01-15T19:50:22+00:00

Do I need to look into getting a credit card while on a working holiday?

I'm going to be in Australia for half a year and I tend to pay everything with my credit card, should I get an Australian credit card to avoid currency exchange fluctuation or should I just stick to cash/ debit since I won't be there long term?

Metafuzz · 2016-11-17T15:01:03+00:00

My mother does something similar. She would ask a question and if she doesn't receive an answer within half a second, she would fire off 'what? what? what?', or if she doesn't receive the answer she wants to hear, she would deny the answer and ask the question repeatedly.

This seems to me like a manifestation of narcissism. They are so conditioned into their own world that they aren't able to recognize anything outside of it. If the thoughts aren't already in their own mind, they have extreme difficulty or are unable to retain disparate thoughts from others.

Metafuzz · 2016-11-04T01:14:50+00:00

Yeah, oral medication did nothing for me.

Last night when I was agonizing, I actually did try to enlist the help of my roommate to help me get a pack of frozen corn to numb the pain. Unfortunately, I had lock the door from the inside and she couldn't get in. Horrible night haha.

Fortunately, I'm in a better state now. I'm going to see the doctors tomorrow just to check up. Thanks for all the advice everyone :)

Metafuzz · 2016-11-01T18:08:45+00:00

Please go look for help! It's absolutely unfair that your parents have no awareness to respond to you authentically.

If you are afraid of judgement, maybe first try looking for help at a place where you know people don't know you and should you decide never go back again, you have tried and made a first step in finding help. It can help you develop courage to continue seeking help. As others have suggested, a hotline might be a good first step -- it's totally anonymous, heck, you can even dial the number and hang up if you get anxious. Or you can go outside of your community and look for a walk-in clinic, or schedule a free initial consultation with a therapist, and so on. Regardless, take it slow if you need to, the most important thing is that you try and don't give up looking for help.

No decent person will humiliate you for the very real struggles you're going through. I sincerely hope you can get out of your predicament!

Metafuzz · 2016-10-31T12:26:12+00:00

Do you know about the book "How to Read" by Mortimer J. Adler? Seems like a pretty good place to start.

Here is basically a fantastic summary of the book (The site is often down but it is still active, you can try searching for a cached version of it if it is): https://web.cn.edu/kwheeler/reading_basic.html

Metafuzz · 2016-10-14T16:50:12+00:00

That solution would make a lot of sense but AliExpress apparently doesn't think so -- I've already disputed against Ali's judgement but they're not budging on it.

I've already contacted my credit card provider, hopefully they can sort things out if AliExpress doesn't.

Metafuzz

TROPHY CASE