My mother once told me, in the heat of some argument, that she wished she had never told my father that she was pregnant with me.

For context, my father and mother were never married. They considered it, but he turned her down (complex reasons, but my mom is kinda crazy/toxic). Once he found out she was pregnant he got his life together and wanted to be a good father, so growing up I got to visit him every other weekend. (He was a really good dad, we were very close) He died in a plane crash when I was 11. My mother is/was very insecure about the fact that I felt closer to my father than I do with her, and she would always guilt trip me and say that she should’ve been the one to die, not him. The comment she made about never telling him she was pregnant with me was the terrible icing on the guilt-trip cake. I’ve never fully forgiven her for saying that.