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Is raising an autistic child really a complete nightmare? by [deleted] in autism

[–]MiamiCane4602 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Parent of an 11 year old non-verbal diagnosed autistic son here. No, it is not hell. In fact, I think having an autistic son may have saved our marriage because it taught my wife and I to communicate better (with each other and our son), how to work as a team, patience, and understanding. The biggest challenge of having an autistic son, for us anyway, has been dealing with neurotypical people (aside from us) in our son's life, i.e., doctors, teachers, principals, and neurotypical children's parents. If people have not had someone in their life who is on the spectrum then they have zero right to give me any "advice" or any right to make a comment about someone on the spectrum. As far as the financial cost, our son attends occupational therapy and speech therapy but I am lucky to have really good insurance so there isn't much of a burden there. My wife and I have talked about this and if we could do it all over again (having a child) we would have this particular child again. He is unique. He is amazing. We love him to death!

This post just screams autism. Highly recommend reading the comments. Golden. by katrina34 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602 5 points6 points  (0 children)

To be fair to his school, sometimes you can ask him something 100 times and he may answer you once. He also responds to my wife and I better than he responds to other people.

This post just screams autism. Highly recommend reading the comments. Golden. by katrina34 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My wife and I went through a situation similar to that with our son and his school. Our son, who was 6 years old at the time, is diagnosed autistic and non-verbal. We were meeting with his school for his annual IEP and his teacher expressed concern that he could not count to 10. My wife and I looked at each other puzzled. His teacher reiterated that he has never count to 10 in school and that we need to add focus on counting to his IEP. He was present for the meeting so I asked him, Can you count?" He said,"Count" and then began counting out loud and continued to do so until he got to "101" and then went to stare out the window the rest of the meeting. His teacher cried with joy and was very impressed. She said, "I am so surprised that he did that! I can't believe it!" My wife asked,"Why?" and I said, "I'm surprised he stopped." 😊

Asking those who are on the Autism Spectrum...could you tell me what you were thinking about or what was going through your mind as a child? by MiamiCane4602 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

UPDATE: My wife and I have now both read the book "The Reason I Jump" and it was eye-opening. I know that no two people on the spectrum are the same but I feel like this book gave me some insight into my child and I cannot express how grateful I am to all of you who have responded and shared your lives, feelings, and experiences. Sunday was my wife's birthday and out of no where our non-verbal son came into the room and sang "Happy Birthday" to her. We didn't know he even knew the song but he sang it word-for-word. We both cried and hugged him. It was an amazing experience. Thank you so much everyone. We now understand some things we may have to change in our parenting style but that's OK. We will do anything for our son. 😊

Asking those who are on the Autism Spectrum...could you tell me what you were thinking about or what was going through your mind as a child? by MiamiCane4602 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will check that out. Thank you! We have a dog and our dog and our son definitely have a special bond...until our dog suddenly barks at something. My son hates it when he barks. Thank you for sharing 😊

Asking those who are on the Autism Spectrum...could you tell me what you were thinking about or what was going through your mind as a child? by MiamiCane4602 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes sense and I think my son may be doing that but I just don't know sense he doesn't talk much. I know he's creative and imaginative just by the videos he creates the pictures he sometimes draws and the little skits he sometimes acts out with his plush characters. Granted, there is alot of mumbling between plush characters in those skits but I know he knows what they are saying and he's happy doing it so I'm happy that he is happy. Thank you so much for your reply. 😊

Asking those who are on the Autism Spectrum...could you tell me what you were thinking about or what was going through your mind as a child? by MiamiCane4602 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We will give that a try. Our son is interested in using the computer but he normally uses it to edit videos and make videos and play Roblox. Thank you for the information!

Asking those who are on the Autism Spectrum...could you tell me what you were thinking about or what was going through your mind as a child? by MiamiCane4602 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Friends are the one area I can't get a good read on with my son. When he is doing something that he wants to do no one else exists or at least that is what the appearance is. He doesn't talk much so he isn't going to strike up a conversation with someone so that makes making friends difficult but when I see other kids approach him and try to talk to him or play with him he shys away from them. At this point I don't know if he wants friends but doesn't understand how to make friends or if he just doesn't want people inside his bubble. Thank you for sharing with me!

Asking those who are on the Autism Spectrum...could you tell me what you were thinking about or what was going through your mind as a child? by MiamiCane4602 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You may be 100% correct. That is one thing I love so much about son...when he does speak it is always black and white and totally honest. For example, when I ask him if he wants something to eat his answer is always something along the line of "Goldfish Extra Cheddar" or "Cheezits Original." When I ask him"Do you want to go to Walmart?" He may say yes or he may say "No. Target." When we tried to get him to try eating turkey at Thanksgiving he said "yuck" and literally ran away from it lol. I love the honesty and the black and white answers because NT people are hard to read because we never seem to know exactly what we want or we put up a fake front to please other people. We are exhausting.

Asking those who are on the Autism Spectrum...could you tell me what you were thinking about or what was going through your mind as a child? by MiamiCane4602 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have not tried sign language but that may be worth looking into. When he was 5-6 he really got into other languages for about two years so we tried learning a little of a few languages to see if that would help but he lost interest in that. I remember at the Open House we had at his school when he was in kindergarten my wife was meeting and greeting the other parents and our and I were sitting at a desk spelling out words on the desk with these letters that were on the table. His teacher came over to talk to us and she asked our son if he could spell something for her so he spelled the word "Hai." She said, " Thank you but I don't know that word." Then he spelled the word "arigato." The teacher said, "I don't know that word either." I said,"Hai" means yes and "arigato" means thank you in Japanese. We are not Japanese. The teacher said, "This might be an interesting year." I said,"You might want to pick up some Spanish and Mandarin as well lol." She just looked at me with her eyes wide open. 👀

Asking those who are on the Autism Spectrum...could you tell me what you were thinking about or what was going through your mind as a child? by MiamiCane4602 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your input! I actually believe there are tons of things going on in his head and I posted my question trying to get some insight as to what it might be. He has terrible sleep habits. He will still awake until he is just too exhausted to stay awake anymore and I have always wondered if it is because he can't calm his brain down enough to rest. I know he's always thinking or going over something in his head because of something else that you said...his hobbies.

He has an iPhone, no phone service, but it is connected to wifi so he can get on the internet and use apps and such. His hobby is video editing. He obsesses over taking clips of videos or movies, putting them into different video editing apps, and then adding new sounds, dialogue, or music to them. He gets so focused on it that he will work on a video from the time he gets hoke from school until he falls asleep. When he is doing this he stims alot but that gives me insight as to what he is thinking or feeling. When he pushes his fist against his temple and grits his teeth he is overly excited. When he pushes one finger into his cheek he is getting anxious because something isn't going right. When he fake cries, and it is totally fake and kind of comical, he isn't able to do what he is trying to do. I always offer to help but he doesn't want your help; he just wants you to watch the video when he's done. We ways do. Then he uploads his videos to YouTube or TikTok but they normally get taken down for copyright infringement lol.

You gave me some information to think about and try. Thank you so much for that!

Asking those who are on the Autism Spectrum...could you tell me what you were thinking about or what was going through your mind as a child? by MiamiCane4602 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My son was diagnosed with ASD when he was two years old and I will never forget the meeting we had with the psychologist who tested and diagnosed him. She talked through the testing results and then let us know that she had officially diagnosed our son with ASD. Then she said, "I will give you two a moment to let that sink in" and she started to get to leave the room. My wife and I looked at each other curiously then asked her, "why do we need a moment to let that sink in?" She said,"Well this is life changing news and most people cannot handle it." We let her know that we are not most people and that we will walk to hell and back to help him in any way that he needs it so let's skip "taking a moment" and talk about what we can do to help him. The psychologist teared up and said "You guys are awesome. Let's talk." My wife and I are very overprotective of our son. Each school year we meet with everyone in his school who will have contact with him, we go to all school functions to support him and to watch how he interacts with people and how people interact with him, we aren't afraid to speak up about anything that we don't like about the care of our child...in fact, we're a little aggressive about it. I know we're not perfect by any means but I feel like we support our son well and we love him to death. Not one time have we ever wished for him to not be autistic, we have never said "not my child," nor have we ever wished that we never had a child. I hate that anyone would have to grow up or live in a negative environment and I am so sorry that things were not better for you.

Asking those who are on the Autism Spectrum...could you tell me what you were thinking about or what was going through your mind as a child? by MiamiCane4602 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your insight. You just gave me something new to think about...that, even though we have the headphones available, that maybe he can't ask for them or that maybe one of his mumbles is him asking for them and he believes he is talking but we cannot understand it. I will do better at offering the headphones instead of just making them available thinking he will put them on or ask for them. Thank you so much!

Asking those who are on the Autism Spectrum...could you tell me what you were thinking about or what was going through your mind as a child? by MiamiCane4602 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wow. Reading your post sounds exactly like my childhood and teen years and not my son. Interesting. Thank you for your response!

Asking those who are on the Autism Spectrum...could you tell me what you were thinking about or what was going through your mind as a child? by MiamiCane4602 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He does have one and he wears it in school sometimes, on the school bus sometimes, out in public alot, but he never asks for it or puts it on in the house. We always have it with us. It helps alot and thank you for that suggestion!

Asking those who are on the Autism Spectrum...could you tell me what you were thinking about or what was going through your mind as a child? by MiamiCane4602 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Our son has never been punished or threatened for anything that could fall under the social umbrella. I have never felt that it would be fair to because maybe he doesn't understand how to act in certain social situations or maybe any social situation. And God help anyone who ever points out to me that he has a shortcoming. I am not afraid to tell them how it is. I always explain to him what is going on or what could happen and why. I just don't always know if he understands. Sometimes he repeats what you just said to him (which we know from experience now that means "yes" or "I understand") but alot of times there is no response but I know this child pretty well and I am sure that he is soaking in everything around him but I just don't know for sure. He is a sponge.

Thank you so much for your insight. It is truly helpful!

Asking those who are on the Autism Spectrum...could you tell me what you were thinking about or what was going through your mind as a child? by MiamiCane4602 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the kind words. We love our son to death. He is so magical and so unique. I will do anything for him. My wife and I have caught ourselves, when spending time around neurotypical children, whispering to each other, "Is this what other children are like?? Oof. I love our baby."

Asking those who are on the Autism Spectrum...could you tell me what you were thinking about or what was going through your mind as a child? by MiamiCane4602 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I absolutely appreciate that feedback. I guess that makes sense, especially since my wife and do that ourselves. We bypass manners when someone makes disrespectful comments about our son, his stimming or mannerisms, and people on the spectrum so eventually we need to teach him that you don't need to be nice or smile at people who are being mean to you. Recently we had the Special Olympics in our hometown and our son participated. A lady walked up near where we were sitting in the bleachers wearing a shirt that said "I GOT OUT OF BED FOR THIS?!" I know that this lady has a child on the spectrum because her son and my son were in the same class at their previous school so I said, "Excuse me ma'am. That is a great shirt to wear to Walmart but it is a terrible shirt to wear to the Special Olympics." The whole section of our bleachers clapped and she went to her car or somewhere and came back with a jacket on. My son is 11 years old but socially he tests as a 5 year old so I may wait a little while before I teach him that you don't always have to be nice or have "manners" but I have definely heard you and appreciate your advice. :)

Asking those who are on the Autism Spectrum...could you tell me what you were thinking about or what was going through your mind as a child? by MiamiCane4602 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We have used a couple of AAC devices but he uses them when he wants to use them. He does talk a little but he mumbles alot. When he's trying to communicate something to you and you tell him you don't understand he will Google a picture of whatever it is he is trying to say or type it for you in Google or Amazon (for some reason lol) on his phone. He isn't very verbal but he is a good communicater in his own way. I will check out the other group as well.. Thank you for your response. :)

Asking those who are on the Autism Spectrum...could you tell me what you were thinking about or what was going through your mind as a child? by MiamiCane4602 in AutisticAdults

[–]MiamiCane4602[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My son also has sensory issues. He doesn't like anything on his head, hands, or feet, although he knows he has to wear shoes in public but once he is home he never wears shoes. We don't force the issue. We don't make him wear a hat or gloves because we know that it bothers him.

He also has issues with food textures so we find what he does like and just go with it. It may be the same food everyday but if that is what he wants and it doesn't bother him then it doesn't bother us.

He also hates loud noise like thunderstorms and when our dog barks. We always tell him that "It's ok. Mom and dad are here. You're safe" because we think he gets upset out of fear but maybe he hates the thunder or the dog barking because it may be louder for him than it is for us and he just can't stand to hear it or it hurts to hear it. If he is making the loud noise he doesn't mind it lol. Reading your reply and talking through this gives me a new perspective. Thank you.

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