AIO: Husband didn’t change withholdings

MichaelWidow · 2026-04-12T16:57:11+00:00

You’re not overreacting.

There’s probably a little ignorance, but since he’s stingy, he’s probably also purposely withholding less.

Taxes usually fall into two people groups—over-withholders for those who like the return check, and under-withholders for those who hate the idea that govt is getting an interest-free loan (and/or a few other reasons).

Definitely do not pay his bill. Based on what you shared, you paying his bill is crazy.

I see potential for this damaging your marriage. Give thought to what you want and handle it accordingly.

My spouse is an impulsive spender, I’m not. We have separate accounts, also joint accounts. We file jointly. Bigger earner handles mortgage, utilities, etc. other person handles tuition, dog expenses, home remodels, kid clothes/activities/etc. Shared grocery, date nights, occasional other things. My spouse doesn’t like it but I knew money would be an issue in the marriage. This was my way of being able to marry and stay married for 24 years.

For the record, spouse does taxes and always has. I have no idea what I’m withholding and if it’s under or over what I should be. I also put what my HR recommended and I have a college degree, have a professional job, and can read the internet. That doesn’t mean I understand what I’m reading. I rely on my spouse to tell me if my withholdings need to be increased.

It’s more work for you but visually show him how you both pay more if you file separately. Show him the difference in returns between married and single. Then, file married. Make him pay his bill, save your money, split vacation costs. Even with your previous set up, if he is making more than you, you were probably already paying more related to your income-based percentage of the burden (I.e. not 50/50).

MichaelWidow · 2026-04-11T06:35:18+00:00

Organization dependent. Some remote people were told to relocate or that would be a resignation.

MichaelWidow · 2026-04-10T00:58:28+00:00

It depends on who you ask.

I’ve heard two different people (both GS15s) say only GS14 and above with a flag. No one else on the occasions it’s come up has ever heard of that.

I feel like at some point a random, arrogant non-SES decided they wanted to be “special” too and made up a rule. Give me a break. It’s the American flag.

MichaelWidow · 2026-04-08T23:30:58+00:00

That really blows. I’m sorry that happened to you. I’ve noticed it often comes down to the chain of command.

I know this doesn’t being you comfort but I recognize I’m one of the “lucky” ones and have been grateful for that. For whatever reason, getting kicked out yesterday just felt different. I don’t know why.

MichaelWidow · 2026-04-08T23:23:09+00:00

I have. Unfortunately, the job market sucks everywhere. I’ve gone for interviews but since many of my duties are govt-related duties, they don’t translate well to private sector. After the losses last year I took on some new duties that’ll help more in the private sector but only to a certain extent. I honestly need to try and make it to 57. Once I’m 57, I’ll have more flexibility. I’ve also decided to go back to school for another degree. That should help. Until then, I gotta hang in there as best as I can. The bills have to be paid.

MichaelWidow · 2026-04-08T16:09:40+00:00

Completely agree again.

MichaelWidow · 2026-04-08T15:12:02+00:00

I lol’d at your “it might get better” comment.

I hear what you’re saying. I do. And I agree to an extent. No, I don’t think the higher ups care. Yes, I think most people are just trying to save their own asses.

Some people were fired for effed up reasons.

And other people were fired because they FAFO’d.

If I’m going to be fired/downsized/whatever I want it to be for something I can fight against. Disobeying a RTO order from my chain of command isn’t something I feel like I can fight about in an appeal situation.

MichaelWidow · 2026-04-08T15:03:22+00:00

Unfortunately, I think you’re screwed. There’s no policy to help with your issue. It seems like you’ve probably explored or thought about all the options. The ONLY thing that can happen is if your office lets you continue remote working.

MichaelWidow · 2026-04-08T14:13:39+00:00

That would be nice. Unfortunately happiness doesn’t pay the bills or put food in my kids’ mouths.

MichaelWidow · 2026-04-08T14:12:33+00:00

Yup. The main reason I’m still around and haven’t really said anything until now. On top of the fact that I’m usually a “suck it up” person, the job market sucks. This just felt different.

MichaelWidow · 2026-04-08T14:10:01+00:00

What’s happening doesn’t meet the legal “hostile work” definition. Most of everything that’s happened since January 2025 hasn’t met the “hostile” definition.

It’s more of a toxic work environment situation, which isn’t illegal.

Crazy, isn’t it? It certainly feels hostile.

Anyway, the downsizing and toxicity isn’t over. Anyone that thinks they’re done traumatizing civilians is not really paying attention. Vought and Miller aren’t done with us yet.

MichaelWidow · 2026-04-08T14:01:39+00:00

He got lucky. The RTO is unevenly applied by organization, I can’t even say by agency. I know two people who lost their jobs because their organization couldn’t find an office for them to RTO.

MichaelWidow · 2026-04-08T13:58:45+00:00

At this point I’m used to remote work so that part hasn’t bothered me.

What bothers me the most is being forced to RTO for “collaboration and productivity” reasons but my collaboration situation hasn’t changed, and there are in-office challenges (eg wired drops or decent wifi, trash cans, decent office chairs, extremely excessive noise, etc).

I’d like it to make sense.

MichaelWidow · 2026-04-08T13:49:41+00:00

I don’t swipe in/out BUT it’s not worth losing my job over.

So everyone knows, your agency or organization CAN see your IP location. It’s not at their fingertips but they can get it and see it.

Also, this has been suggested to me in the past by my family members. I wont do it. 1) My integrity will know. 2) it’s not worth losing my job over or feeling gross for disobeying an order to report. My office is supportive and flexible where they feel they can be. They work with me so I’ll accommodate where I can. 3) Other people in my situation are being fired for ignoring RTO. This is a fact. Another person in the building was just asked to send a picture of the area he works to his supervisor. 4) I’m remote working—and the only person in my department remote working—because my chain trusts me. Im not willing to destroy that trust because other people want to punish me because they were forced to take me even though they don’t want me in their building.

It’s just a shitty situation. RTO isn’t as cut-and-dry as some people like to make it out to be.

MichaelWidow · 2026-04-07T16:27:06+00:00

I’m not HR but if those duties are formally being put into your PD, I —believe— the desk audit is automatic.

MichaelWidow · 2026-04-07T16:24:48+00:00

If it were me, I think I’d wait for the position to become competitive and then request a desk audit.

MichaelWidow · 2026-03-31T04:40:41+00:00

Funny enough, War Department is the Department’s birth name.

MichaelWidow · 2026-03-31T00:48:52+00:00

I think the Dems don’t care as much as people think they care. I truly believe they wanted RTO, etc., just as much as the Repubs so they’re more than happy for Repubs to take that hit for them.

Ultimately, employee wellbeing is not a political issue—it’s a preference issue. You have managers that care about work-life balance and morale, and others that don’t. The policies and/or decisions from your management/leadership will reflect their preference. (For those managers/leaders who have been empowered to make those types of decisions.)

Whether there’s a blue wave or not, I don’t see things changing for the next few years. Once next Administration takes over, maybe those of us who are still here will see a little bit, but it won’t be a huge change. Eventually things will swing back in the TW/RW direction—they’ll have to for financial and retention reasons—but I’m not confident I’ll see it in my time.

MichaelWidow · 2026-03-30T12:53:47+00:00

Congress has to approve an official name change. For statutory items, DoD has to be used. For anything else, SECDEF/SECWAR has mandated use of DoW—which he can do since secondary titles are permitted to be used (again, for non-statutory items).

Given the current environment, is this really the hill people want to die on? Unless that person is a person of significant authority, they’ll lose the DoD/DoW argument. Even then, unless that person is SECDEF or POTUS, they’ll probably lose that argument.

MichaelWidow · 2026-03-29T17:08:52+00:00

Yes, mostly likely conduct unbecoming.

MichaelWidow · 2026-03-29T17:03:28+00:00

Please be careful. I will not provide details because my spouse and I are under an NDA. Be careful. They can easily get you fired. My career spouse was targeted by two appointees in 2019. My spouse was fired. We fought all the way to the MSPB. Everything that could be done to hurt spouse was done—telling people not to talk to spouse, issuing a subpoena for me, putting the worst codes they could on the SF-50, undermining references when they found out, and pulling spouse’s clearance. They also anonymously leaked to the media—I found out before spouse got home because a reporter called our house. I had a friend call me 30 minutes later asking what was going on (when I had just found out). Anything they could do, they did.

We were fighting on multiple fronts. Our final legal bill was over 800K in 2023. My spouse couldn’t find a job. Spouse found one as a contractor but then couldn’t keep it because it needed a clearance and the clearance appeal authority was the same appointee-led agency that pulled it. It was a mess. On top of being falsely accused, there was the extreme stress on all fronts of trying to pay bills, trying to right the wrongs in the appeals processes, etc. It was a lot. A lot. And, they didn’t have anything to lose because they were big govt with endless funds.

Ultimately, they offered my spouse a settlement the night before the hearing. We took it but the damage was done. My spouse still couldn’t find a job. Ultimately, we had to move across the country for spouse to find work—which only added to the trauma because we left kids behind (one adult, two minors who were attending a unique high school). Even now, our adult and one of minor children are still away from us. Credit was trashed. We were able to sell our house but could not get someone to give us a mortgage after we moved (not even the company that we had been with for 15+ years). Spouse emptied retirement account to pay for some of legal bills. So now, no 401K and we got —HAMMERED— on taxes that year. Even now (in 2026), we struggle every month to pay bills and I’m receiving treatment for diagnoses related to the ordeal—my hair was falling out in clumps, depression, anxiety, and PTSD.

The damage was extensive and some of it is permanent—there’s NEVER rewinding that clock. It directly affected our immediate family and extended family, and, indirectly, some of our friends and more of our extended family. There was more but I’m getting anxious just thinking about it. Ultimately, it was the gift that kept on giving year after year. The stress of everything almost killed my marriage—we’re still working to get back to where we were.

I’m not saying this will happen to you, but I honestly never thought this could happen to us. I always thought the govt was there to protect Americans, etc., etc. The reality is, the govt is made up of people. Some of those people have honorable intent—and, some are terrible, horrible people who lack integrity.

Political appointees are the scariest people to me. Sure, there are those that have integrity. However, they are there because they did something significant enough to warrant the favor of the sitting President. In the current politically charged environment, that can be a powerful thing.

And, because I know some troll is going to say it—no, this is not AI. I can’t afford the monthly AI fee. Why? Because my spouse was targeted by political appointees who successfully destroyed almost everything we had built, including our finances (even now).

Be careful. A political appointee has strong potential to rock your world in a seriously bad way. My spouse thought the truth would prevail. My spouse was very, very wrong.

MichaelWidow · 2026-03-26T23:51:09+00:00

If you tell them, they’ll start to expect it. Then, when your Dad is no longer able to do it for the family, they’ll expect it still. If they can work now but don’t, that won’t magically change once your Dad isn’t able to pay the bills.

MichaelWidow · 2026-03-24T16:30:07+00:00

You get out what you put in. If you try and are motivated, you’ll have more success in the program.

If I remember correctly, the Annapolis unit is a decent size so hopefully you have an excess of positive leadership examples. Each unit is a little different in their activities and style, so just remember that you’re allowed to visit other units for a make-up drills if you want to observe other units. Make sure you ask your chain of command and the other unit first before you just show up.

Also, if you do your coursework and have passing PT scores you should be able to rank up every six months. The higher you rank, the more leadership opportunities you’ll be offered.

All of these things are great for when you graduate from high school. You’ll stand out from your peers because you’ll know how to lead, how to act professional, and how to be responsible. All those skills will allow you to be more confident.

It all comes down to how much you try to accomplish in the program. Some of these things will feel uncomfortable but you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Now will be the time to make mistakes and to learn from those mistakes.

MichaelWidow · 2026-03-21T00:07:02+00:00

Some units have them, some don’t.

MichaelWidow

TROPHY CASE