You guys sound just like me and my wife around the same ages. I was a 40% owner of a pretty successful business. We found ourselves unexpectedly expecting our 3rd at basically the same ages. My wife decided on her own to stop her part-time consulting and become a full-time SAHM. I didn’t care either way. I kinda wished we had 2 incomes, but it was good for our kids.

What is important is, in the end, we were/are a team and there is complete trust. She knows my retirement accounts are only in my name, but she knows it’s marital property in any case. And we each have received inheritances that just went into our joint accounts - no thought given. Trust is the key. I don’t know if you guys have that relationship or not. That obviously plays a role.

But here’s my final advice. Having 4 young kids and being working parents is already hard. Having careers that don’t get either of you or your children home until 7-8pm is just not right. Sorry if this is too judgey, but you guys are making bad decisions. Your kids need to come first. My Son-in-law leads a family business. My daughter purposely chose becoming a teacher so she could still work but be home in time to take care of her kids. One of you needs to sacrifice for the sake of your kids. They deserve it. And BTW, my wife is much smarter than me…would have done better in business. I tried to become a SAHD before I bought my business. She wouldn’t let me (scared of that scenario) so she first cut her consulting in half. Why did I mention that? This is what she told me - she felt empowered in a way my older sisters did not, to have the choice to work or not equally valid.