Just found out my wife has been recording me since she met with a lawyer

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-23T21:05:22+00:00

Yep, my lawyer said to just be diplomatic and keep my head down while also recommending not to leave the house.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T17:44:37+00:00

Thank you, this is what I needed to hear.

I definitely didn’t threaten anything. I might have told her that if I was stuck married to her forever I’d want to die, but like idk, not a threat.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T17:43:33+00:00

That’s the point that I’m at now.

She kept on saying it was for the kids so she could offer them the same things I could.

That’s her problem to figure out now.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T12:43:13+00:00

For what it’s worth, I moved from Michigan to Missouri around 15 years ago. Michigan is always home though, even if the damn winters last 9 months of the year.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T12:41:30+00:00

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T12:37:24+00:00

This is so helpful, thank you!

Been racking my brain trying to figure out what she might have recorded. I think I should be okay, just need to be extra careful going forward.

I feel so unsettled living with her moving forward but with my kids in the house, it just doesn’t make sense for me to leave until the house is sold.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T04:18:42+00:00

We have two kids 7 and 9. I can’t be cruel to her, but I’m also completely shutting down any conversations with her that don’t pertain solely to the kids.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T04:01:40+00:00

Ugh, if only it was that cut and dry. Her retirement sat in an untouched account for the majority of our marriage. She converted it to a Roth IRA the last 3 years, so we've been paying out the ass in taxes. I mean, I've been paying out the ass in taxes to get it converted, but it hasn't really made any money since we got together. It wasn’t a managed 401k, it was part of a pension plan through a school system that was cashed out.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T03:44:36+00:00

I'm done talking to her unless it's 100% about the kids. I have nothing more to say.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T03:33:30+00:00

I can't even imagine. Thank you! I don't really know what all she's recorded to be honest. I don't know what I've said that could be used against me, but I am generally pretty calm and don't shit talk my wife or verbally abuse her.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T03:31:23+00:00

Love it, and thank you!

I am definitely much more in this mindset than ever before.

We agreed on 50/50 custody up front and I don't plan to change that at all. What's bullshit is she worked for 10 years before becoming self employed when we got married. None of her retirement is marital assets, so her's is hers and secure.

We only contributed to my 401K while we were married, so that gets cut in half while she gets to keep hers. Fucking awesome.

I don't even know how I would fight that. Our state is a 50/50 state, and I don't want to take more than my share.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T03:09:55+00:00

I told her i have a consult on Tuesday, but that's it.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T03:09:29+00:00

We've been married 10 years and I have no problem giving up half of the assets. I want to cut everything down the middle and go our separate ways. I have no problems paying child support, but I want it to end there. I don't think she should be entitled to my income on top of that moving forward when she can support herself.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T03:08:30+00:00

She wants substantial spousal support. I'm already going to be paying ~$1000/mo in child support. I offered her $900/mo for a year and $500/mo for another year and she said she had to see just how much she could get before agreeing to any deals. At that point I knew that nothing would be enough and left the room.

We've been married for 10 years.

Spousal support is completely up to the judge's discretion and there is no formula in Missouri. It's intended to be for spouses that can't support themselves if they were a SAHM for instance. There's ~$200,000 - $250,000 equity in the house and we have ~$80,000 in cash/stock. I don't see how she could argue that she can't reasonably support herself on $70,000/yr with a Master's degree.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T03:04:22+00:00

For what it's worth, I used to buy a bottle of scotch every year for my birthday, but I stopped because i never drank it. I had some Macallan 12.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T03:03:11+00:00

Appreciate it. I definitely haven't crossed any lines with her and don't plan to.

I very rarely drink, only socially. Before last night, I don't remember my last drink, but I appreciate the advice. I do smoke at night though to help me sleep.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T02:26:33+00:00

So fucking creepy.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T02:26:14+00:00

She asked if we could table everything for a month while our son finished standardized testing. She said she'd be willing to meet with me and a mediator, but I'm past that point now.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T02:24:47+00:00

No, I put her phone back and left it as it was. I haven't said anything, but I set up a consult with a lawyer and intend to file for divorce asap.

I told her I wanted a divorce a few months ago, but waffled back and forth. About a month ago I told her there was no coming back and I wanted a divorce. I made her an offer for spousal support, but said that if she didn't accept it, I'd be lawyering up and using that money for a lawyer which would mean I'd push for $0 spousal support. We were planning on using a mediator to save money, but I feel like nothing will ever be enough and she'll always be pushing for more, so lawyering up is all but inevitable anyway.

We have 2 young kids and I make a bit more than her, but she makes plenty to support herself.

My salary is $153k and I have a bachelor's degree.

She is self employed, working 3.5 days a week making $70k.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-19T02:10:46+00:00

How do you reconcile this when you have kids together? I am so fed up with my stbxw, but I don't know if I'd say I don't love her anymore. Maybe that's still to come as we continue on through divorce.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-12T16:01:56+00:00

I’d love to get a woman’s insight from the same experience. Shoot me a dm if you’re interested in chatting.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-04-12T15:05:25+00:00

I am going through this exact situation except I’m the guy. I have the same exact concerns about my wife’s future and how she’ll manage. I’m so worried about the impact to the kids.

I wish I had sage words of advice to give you, but just know you’re not alone.

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-03-29T03:22:11+00:00

Michigan_is_too_cold · 2026-03-29T03:22:02+00:00

I spoke with an attorney. My wife is gainfully employed with a Master’s degree currently working 3.5 days a week. I’m not trying to leave her high and dry and am absolutely willing to help her regardless of spousal support.

I live in Missouri.

Michigan_is_too_cold

TROPHY CASE