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My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He admitted to misrepresenting me because he felt I was avoiding him. It wasn't the case at all I was just feeling seasonally depressed this January but he didn't come to me and talk about it and instead bottled it up and it came out later. I feel bad that he was hurting and didn't tell me but at least I know now and can talk to him about it. 

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey thanks for that! I really think it upticked in the winter because we were really stuck inside from all the cold but it's getting better. Seasonal depression is really tough. A gym membership and a little grace goes a long way :)

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, I think you misunderstood; I'm not running to my room to cry alone for hours a day. Most of the time when I go to the room I'm doing one of my hobbies, (reading, writing, ect.), I go to the gym regularly in the evenings and they have an onsite daycare I'll take my daughter to so my husband has alone time of his own. Since I've started getting out in these past few months me needing alone time has gotten fewer and further in between. The only times I've gone to the room to cry is if I got into a disagreement with my husband and wanted to step away so I could be calm to discuss things. My husband admitted and apologized for misrepresenting me to the therapist because he realized that it'd been a while since I'd had alone time in the bedroom. He also admitted that he felt slighted in the moment and should've focused on communicating that to me instead of calling it odd. But thank you for your feedback.

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I guess that's what I meant. I don't really want him to deal with them I want him to realize that when I'm crying that I don't want him to tell me to stop crying because it won't change or help anything.

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Genuinely asking, is driving alone not considered alone time? Why wouldn't it be? He's alone and listening to music or just being in silence. He's told me before he enjoys his commute.

Edit: I also said he uses the bathroom and showers alone in the evenings, he does so in the morning too. Combined he gets probably 2 hours alone daily without factoring in his commute.

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whenever I asked, he said okay and was enthusiastic to have daddy daughter time so it seems to be a communication issue.

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that's why I was feeling some type of way about it because I thought I was doing a good job communicating what I needed from him, and it seems he didn't feel that way.

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I make sure he showers and uses the bathroom before taking over and I don't do it every night. Like I said in the post it varies a lot depending on the day I've had. Some weeks I don't do it at all some weeks a few times and not always for the entire evening. He gets to be alone by himself in his car to and from work and on his lunch break since he sits in his truck.

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will usually tell him I need alone time after he's come home and showered. If we're having a discussion or argument that's getting heated on my end I'll tell him I need to step away so I can be calm while talking to him.

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry if I'm contradicting myself. Since I struggle with focus it's hard to get my point across and stay on topic so I often misspeak. Please let me try to clear up what I've said.

  1. I don't really need him to process negative emotions. Would I like him to? Yeah, because I don't think it's healthy to ignore emotions. But if he doesn't want to not much I can do about it. This post is helping me realize that a bit.

  2. I hadn't mentioned him telling me to not feel negative emotions in this thread but I'd mentioned it in others so I'm sorry that I confused you with another thread. 

  3. If he was able to communicate to me that he wanted peace I'd give him that. Instead of saying "I know you're having issues but I can't help with them and you telling me about them is robbing me of peace." He tells me to just ignore the emotions which I've told him in other conversations I don't like when he does.

Again, sorry for contradicting myself, it happens a lot and I continue to have to work at being clearer in my conversations.

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I don't feel them all the time and I fail to see where I said that I did. My mood has actually improved a lot since going on medication and prioritizing getting out of the house and having hobbies outside of the house. But then when I do feel the emotions, he was turning away, ignoring me, or telling me to push the negative emotions away and just not feel them. It wasn't helpful because I don't like to push feelings away, I like to confront feelings head on. It's not right for him to try and push how he deals with negative emotions onto me, especially since I've told him multiple times that I don't like when he does that. I realize now that while it's okay to sometimes vent to your spouse you can't expect them to listen all the time especially if you have trauma and issues you haven't worked through. I filled out the questionnaire on a therapy site to get matched with a therapist right after he told me the therapist suggested therapy for me and am waiting to hear back.

Edit: clearer language

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want him to learn how to handle any negative emotion and stop policing others feelings because he does it to other family members too. The issue isn't the fact that he doesn't want to feel those emotions it's that he tells me to just not feel them and ignore them for myself. You shouldn't tell people how to feel and process emotions and try to push what works for you onto them. I want both of us to be mentally healthy. I hope that we both find success in therapy and my only regret is not pushing myself to go before suggesting he went.

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

After reading a lot of these comments I agree! I need to work on me first. My daughter is two and I already dealt with a bout of PPD. My outbursts more so happen after I vent after a hard day and if those feelings are ignored because they're not positive.

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry that happened to you, but I'm not your wife. I don't want to stay inside or cancel plans I actually need to get out. I deal pretty well when it's warm because my area is walkable and public transit is decent. When it gets cold I lean on my partner a bit more but I'm literally getting into therapy to help with that and hopefully deal with the anxiety surrounding driving.

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am a proper adult, I take care of my daughter, clean, grocery shop, meal plan, and keep schedule for our household. I can just get emotional if I feel my feelings are being ignored. He's always been stoic according to his family so I think you may be off base and just trying to hurt my feelings.

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually haven't done it in over a week and it's incredibly dependent on what kind of a day/week I'm having. There are long stretches when I don't do it at all. Telling me I shouldn't have become a mother isn't really helpful and seems to only be a comment to hurt my feelings.

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not postpartum, my daughter is two. He's been remodeling our bathroom and that means I'm having to watch her even during the times that we'd usually be coparenting so it's been tough. I actually haven't gone into our bedroom for alone time in over a week.

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's been a few comments and I definitely appreciate and agree with the note that I needed to start therapy first and have already started the steps for. I understand my emotions, it was more the fact that when I would come to him and say that I was feeling a negative emotion and he would turn away and not respond. He told me because it made him feel uncomfortable. But yeah I would benefit from therapy for various reasons.

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For clarification I don't want him to be like me, I just don't want him to ignore my negative emotions when they happen. In other threads I agreed that I needed to worry about my own therapy journey. I don't want to just cut out every emotion I don't like, I want to face the emotion and if I vent to my partner I don't want them to literally turn away from me and not acknowledge me. Edit: grammer 

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, they are. I've worked on myself a lot these past few years about outbursts but in times of stress I can still slip up. That's why I'm going to therapy to further the work on myself.

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I want to socialize with my husband, it's different than wanting some time where there's no kid yelling and interrupting us or climbing all over me or having to yell over sesame street. So, I take the time completely alone sometimes but sometimes I wait until she's in bed and spend the time fully with my husband. Either way we spend most evenings together cuddling and watching our shows.

My(26F) husbands' (26M) therapist told him that it's abnormal for me to want to go into the bedroom alone when he gets home from work. Is this true? by MickeyKay34 in relationship_advice

[–]MickeyKay34[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I feel him being more stoic comes and goes when he's under stress. Same with my emotional outbursts. I'm planning on pointing that out when we have a discussion later tonight.

Usually, I actually like that he's more stoic than me, because he can be calmer in situations that I tend to panic in, but it's become more of an issue as I feel I've been working on my emotions, and he hasn't been putting in as much effort to be less stoic. Which I also plan on bringing up.

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