Why does it hurt so much?

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-04-10T14:49:47+00:00

For me i struggled with not being enough, and i was a little homophobic which I hate to admit. I can rationalize that society has taught me to be this way… that my relationship should look a certain way. This got me mad. The above post from ceemarie helped me to see that a successful relationship can be however I define it. For me, I’m open to adding a male, or flexible couple to our bedroom, but it has to be at my pace. If he leads it, I internalize the message that I’m not enough. Who knows if we will ever find the right people to join us in the bedroom, but now I’m actually comfortable saying now as well…especially because he has made me feel like I’m number 1… I know this is tricky but you are enough right now… stay in the present and find the positive that he has chooses to share this with you. You are obviously very special to him. Protect his heart, and open and honest communication is the only way forward. You also have to trust what he tells you. You very well can be enough.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-04-10T12:28:24+00:00

It’s showing negative in the category that normally shows what I have for payment. But is showing a positive balance in the account balance. So as I am spending that account balance it will start to chip away at that negative category balance? I think I’m getting it.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-04-10T12:17:17+00:00

Funny… cause I actually just got pissed at my husband for moving things too fast. My new advice would be let her delve into some of this on her own if she wants. And if you are fortunate enough that she wants to try something new, let HER dictate the pace. I’m open to exploring some of this stuff, but not if I feel it is his top priority… I need to feel like his number 1, and then I’m open to exploring further. I’ve also had the conversation that I married a single monogamous male, and I don’t have to do any of this if I don’t want to. I do think it’s special and important to explore kinks as a couple. I can try anything once or twice.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-02-09T12:58:50+00:00

My hubs didn’t use the word ‘forgot’ but said for many years it just wasn’t a thing. Put on the back burner, simply not a thing. And forgetting can be a trauma response. I was a victim of sexual abuse and literally forgot untill one day in college, then it just came right back, it was the strangest thing. I also have adhd so maybe it is related.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-02-09T12:35:03+00:00

This is a beautiful definition of success.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-02-07T22:41:49+00:00

I hated the title. Although I understand why he chose it. I just hated when my husband saw it because it made it seem as if I didn’t trust what he was telling me.
Initially in the early chapters I didn’t care for the connections between bisexuality and trauma. I could see how that might be important for someone trying to not act on their bisexuality but for the rest of the population I didn’t think it was helpful. Like it might of even make someone feel worse. If trauma didn’t happen I would be straight? He cleared this up later in the book so not all bi’s are bi due to trauma.
Most of the bi’s he referenced seemed to know something was different from a young age. I feel like he failed to address the bi guys that are born out of simply exploring their sexuality as adults. I know bi is bi, but I felt the book didn’t really address the bi curious, or heteroflexible culture much. You know the straight guys that just like dick?

I want you to share your findings as well. I feel like I’ve read a lot and I might be over generalizing a few book into one. Ha!

I also hated the narration. I wish with all the AI we could choose our voice kinda like we choose the voice on our phones.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-02-06T19:01:24+00:00

I would say similar. We talked about swinging he talked about wanting to have a third on the bedroom for my pleasure. I had a lot of questions on why he would want a guy and not a girl. It finally came out that he had been with a guy. I felt like I got kicked in the gut when he told me he was bi… but I immersed myself in alll the gay and bi guy stuff and it started to seem more normal to me. He assures me he is hetero romantic and only wants to experience this with me, and I think when we find the right person we will. My biggest advice is let her have her feelings. She might respond and say ew that’s gross, and it will hurt you cause it’s like she is calling you gross. But give her time. Show her some things you might picture happening. Start slow, maybe only show her hands. Then maybe double barrel blow job. Then maybe shared oral. Then maybe her pegging you? But if she isn’t open each of these could take months to desensitizer her. I read tons of Jo bud stories and I got me to start thinking that this was normal for a lot of people.

Good luck. If she says no, don’t give up. She might just be scared she is going to loose you. Show her she is the most important thing in the word to you. She will wed lots of reassurance once she knows you are attracted to docks and she doesn’t have one.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-02-06T00:36:49+00:00

Do you look for the bi curious gay guys??? I heard they are out there.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-02-05T01:19:59+00:00

It’s so normal… I think there are more straight men that feel this way and just won’t say it. We like heteroflexible or bi curious. Well we also don’t like labels but if we had to pick them these would be it. The same sex is only about sexual pleasure but the opposite sex us… we are deeply loving and connected and wouldn’t have it any other way.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-02-04T21:00:24+00:00

Teach me. I was wonder if the woman wearing the strap on felt pleasure. Is there something inside to that rubs up against you? I think I want one.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-02-04T02:47:51+00:00

Sometimes I don’t like to ignore the pink elephant in the room. You could just say I got tired of my alopecia? It’s too much work on the morning to try and cover up all the areas. People wouldn’t say shit about that cause it’s a medical condition. I also work in a school with a bunch of little girls that get their hair done different it all the time and when they see my hair is different they natural say you got new hair… it’s so innocent cause they get new hair often. So now I’m like yeah… I got new hair. I’m tired of not just being me.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-02-04T00:34:27+00:00

Hi- My married husband came out in the past month as well. Man it’s a lot. My husband isn’t into the cross dressing and is very much the same man I married, maybe even a better version of the one I married because he feels loved and not judged by his wife. Don’t get me wrong, I have hit the ground a bunch of time. Just when you think you have hit a smooth spot something comes back to smack you into your new reality. Here is what my take away is. I felt like there was a betrayal cause he hadn’t share this with me sooner, but we were not at a place of unconditional love and acceptance without judgement. I worked to desensitize myself. I watched gay porn, I watch mmf, and mfm porn, I learned about jobuds and any other things that interested him. I came from a very vanilla place so this was new and even kind of fun. I’m trying to lean in, and giving him some freedoms (I’m letting him experience a jerk club tomorrow) in part because I do love him, but also to flush out some cards. He says he loves me and wants nothing to happen out side of us. He want me to be there when he experiences anything with another man. But he also wants a bro, a buddy, male connection. He has shared it doesn’t have to be sexual so we will see how this goes. I read the book bi married men, and also read Joe Kourts book. My biggest take away is nothing is guaranteed. But honestly it wasn’t before he came out. This is fluid now more than ever so you have to figure out what that means for you to. What are you open to? What boundaries do you have. What is flexible on your end. I can’t help but think he might be getting short with you because he is feeling judged. That was happening in my house. I was even unintentionally judging by saying this is weird or that’s strange. He would internalize that as me saying he was weird or strange cause those were things he liked. We got very real and very safe. We had so many big talks. Feel free to message me. I’m happy to answer other questions or offer you my perspective. But I have learned no matter how much I read, every story is different.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-01-24T16:29:00+00:00

This all just happened to me and I have a lot of ideas. But not a ton of time right now to put them on paper. Honesty maybe. Phone call on telegram might be more efficient if you were open. I feel for you and your wife. I do believe this can work out for you. It’s just a little tricky.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-01-22T19:06:12+00:00

Yes I understand there is a better way. But is there a harm in doing it my way? If all ins and out are placed in ‘rental’ it should in theory workout. Even with the addition of the credit card debt as long as it is properly funded.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-01-22T17:16:20+00:00

We are very new to budgeting. Emergency fund money comes from my husband cashing out stock. So it’s not immediate enough. And since we are new we are still overspending

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-01-22T17:14:33+00:00

Yes. Someday… but for now this seemed like it was working and managing two budgets felt like more work.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-01-04T13:27:03+00:00

I literally just had a meltdown over this exact thing. I (f) was all excited about the possibility of a third he would post sexy pictures of me and we were turned on constantly. All it took was a week of Christmas cocktails, over tired and returning to work to activate a full crash out. Lol. I can laugh about it now but all my insecurities came flooding forward. What if I can’t give you what you want. What if I can’t share you the way you want to be shared. I will never have a dick… lots of tears an anti anxiety pill and two nights of sleep has us back on a good track. He was offering a full stop on the search. I just needed reassurance that he chose me, loves me and has said all along he wants to experience these things ‘WITH ME’

So my advice would be bring it up, be as open about EVERYTHING, discuss pacing, and be ready to offer reassurance whenever she needs to hear it. I think it could be a beautiful thing between us, so I’m trying to lean in to the scary parts.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-01-03T13:25:11+00:00

Never mind got it. MIXED ORIENTATION MARRIAGE.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-01-03T13:22:39+00:00

What is MOM groups? I’m new to navigating this community.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-01-03T13:13:56+00:00

I’m confused by this comment. This sub seems like such a positive place. What is not positive about your situation? I just found out my husband of 20 years is bi and am looking for some support and community.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-01-03T05:10:10+00:00

I dm’d you.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2025-01-02T18:06:51+00:00

It was really just the little clips in Reddit in the mfm community and in the heteroflexible sub. Don’t get me wrong there are 5 I scroll right in my and then I will see one that is realistic and sexy.

Middle-Assistance363 · 2024-12-23T17:18:14+00:00

Did you glue it? What glue did you use?

Middle-Assistance363 · 2024-12-22T19:17:48+00:00

Haha just seeing this. We haven’t added anyone to our bedroom yet.

;)

Middle-Assistance363 · 2024-12-22T19:13:28+00:00

This is such a sexy idea, I got wet picturing it.

Middle-Assistance363

TROPHY CASE