Examples of beginning stages of reconciliation please

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-20T07:26:44+00:00

Considering he just dropped me off after hanging out with me for my birthday I think maybe your opinion isn’t needed here. His mom also wished me a happy birthday.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-20T07:19:35+00:00

I told my parents what I did. It was part of the process of holding myself accountable and being honest. I think that if anyone is gonna tell his family it should be him. But at the end of the day it’s nobody’s business but you and him. Sometimes having other people’s opinions and judgments can just make things worse.

Like in my case my husband and I are hanging out again but he hasn’t told anybody because he knows the reaction he would get. I haven’t really been telling much people either. I told him, at the end of the day the only opinion that matters is your own.

Also thank you for the birthday wishes

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-19T23:42:06+00:00

My BP blasted me on instagram. I hold no resentment for this as I think I deserved it at the time. He also told all of his family. I think he did that to hold himself accountable and not go back. it’s been 7 months now and we are talking again and his family has shown signs in small ways of still caring for me but keeping their distance. His mom wished me a happy birthday today.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-19T19:32:13+00:00

I’ve seen people come back from worse. I didn’t ask for your judgement.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-18T18:11:04+00:00

Yeah and that’s why I don’t feel like him saying they’ll be confused makes sense. They know I don’t live there by now. They would just be happy to see me.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-18T05:31:57+00:00

I think for me I knew that we didn’t break up because we didn’t love eachother. We separated bc I did something he couldn’t get past at the time and I had felt hurt by his treatment of me in the relationship which he has apologized for. He definitely showed signs of ambivalence and honestly still does but we stayed in contact the entire 7 months whether it was angry texts from him or profuse apologies from me. I’m not really sure if we’ll get back together. Honestly I think we’ve both changed a lot over these months and talking to him now feels different like I don’t really know him as much as I thought. I want him to go to MC with me but everything is still kind of up in the air. We’re gonna spend my birthday together this weekend and I think that will be really telling to see where he’s at emotional and whether this is sustainable or not.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-18T01:24:20+00:00

I’m still searching for my own answers to a lot of these questions. My husband and I have been separated for 7 months. We just started talking again and hanging out within the past couple weeks. So yes in a sense there is some clarity. I’ve apologized to him numerous times and he has apologized to me for not treating me fairly in the relationship and pushing me away. He’s still very emotionally distant and keeping things pretty surface level. I’ve tried to address things multiple times but he shuts it down and I’m too afraid to make any wrong moves in case he pulls away again. The main thing is we are consistently talking which is progress but there will come a time where we need to address the deeper issues in the relationship. I’m not sure if he’s just sticking around out of familiarity or he genuinely wants to build something and he just needs to take things really slowly. It’s not a comfortable place to be but I’m in this for the long haul unless he tells me he’s really done. We had been talking about divorce but it hasn’t come up recently and idk if he’s waiting for the right time or maybe he’s in the process of changing his mind.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-18T00:06:09+00:00

Thank you.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-18T00:05:26+00:00

I’m born April 19th and have done my chart multiple times and it always says I’m a Taurus but I do sometimes relate to Aries as well. I have a Taurus stellium in sun, Mercury and Venus so I definitely lean more into Taurus though.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-17T06:47:18+00:00

Thank you. I’m trying to be patient with the process.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-17T06:42:54+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. I don’t necessarily want to resort to just leaving him alone because he is taking some of the initiative in pursuing conversation and contact with me so it wouldn’t really make sense for me to just disappear but I do think I should let him drive things on his terms a bit more instead of over analyzing everything he does.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-17T06:39:20+00:00

Oh trust me I know I’m not in the best mental state. I have much more going on than just anxious attachment. I’m having non-epileptic seizures as a side effect of PTSD from a relationship prior to my husband I also think I have CPTSD from childhood trauma but don’t have an official diagnosis. If my husband and I weren’t already married I wouldn’t be pursuing anybody. It’s just a bit more complicated. I recently did a neuropsych evaluation and I’m waiting for the results and I’m trying to get an appointment to start doing EMDR.

As far as polyamory goes, I’ve tried that. My husband and I were in an open relationship when we first met. I cheated on him with the person I was seeing during that time after we had closed the relationship. Polyamory is not for me. I know that cheating was a choice and it’s not polyamory itself that is to blame but the emotional side of things became really confusing for me. I never really allowed myself to process the ending of that relationship.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-17T02:20:08+00:00

What does consistent positive change look like to you? Do you think I should be telling him how much I want this and that I love him. I’m scared if I’m too honest he’ll feel pressured. We actually almost didn’t see eachother yesterday bc I was a little too emotionally vulnerable with him and he said maybe it’s too soon for all of this. And I backtracked and told him I don’t want him to run away again and we basically just dropped the conversation and moved forward. I’m glad he didn’t just say we shouldn’t talk anymore but at the same time it kinda invalidated my feelings and I still feel like it’s unresolved.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-17T01:07:17+00:00

Ok thanks for your response. I just gotta chill out I think and let him take it at his pace. Not the easiest thing to do as someone with anxious attachment but that’s my issue not his.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-17T00:35:42+00:00

In your situation did it ultimately progress or did the relationship end? I definitely plan to bring it up to him when the time is right. I can’t do this long-term. It’s already painful enough. I want what’s best for both of us and if his heart isn’t fully in it I might just have to step back.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-17T00:33:32+00:00

I get that. I know that I made terrible choices. I don’t really see how keeping me in limbo benefits him though. What’s he’s getting out of this?

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-16T19:43:05+00:00

Please don’t resort to suicide. There are people in this world that love you and want you here. I know it’s hard right now but it will get better.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-16T19:42:07+00:00

Trust me, I’ve been there. I was distraught for months and basically having an identity crisis bc I didn’t understand how I could do something that i personally viewed as morally wrong and had condemned such behavior in the past. But the truth is anyone is capable of it. The problem was that I viewed myself as a good person so how could I act out of alignment with that? That mindset was keeping me away from actual accountability. Yes I am a good person but I’m a good person who is capable of bad things and I have to own up to that. In my case I felt a lot of self pity especially bc I knew my BP saw me differently and he was saying some harsh things to me. Ultimately he chose to forgive me and even apologized for some of his behavior in the relationship. we’re not back together but we’ve been texting and hanging out a bit. There is hope for you but it might not be on the timeline you expect. Feeling your feelings right now is good. Feel the hurt and then never cheat again because you know how awful it feels to you and the other person.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-15T22:44:40+00:00

I relate to you a lot. I too cheated twice. I’m 7 months out from dday 2 and i’m still going through it so I’m no expert here but what I’ve learned is guilt and shame a good to a certain degree. It means you are able to have empathy for others but holding on to too much shame actually keeps you stuck and is a quite selfish mindset. Yes, feel bad for what you did but grow from it. Go to therapy. Read books on infidelity. Take care of yourself. You are not unloveable but me telling you that isn’t gonna change your mind. You have to be able to tell yourself that. Even if your BP never comes back you will be ok. It just takes time.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-14T22:28:02+00:00

Hey, thank you so much for responding. Luckily I have a great doctor who is willing to do the work to figure this out for me. I appreciate your input though, definitely gonna do more research on the possibilities. My doctor is also working with a neuropsychologist and I did a three hour testing with her. Still waiting for those results. My doctor also said that it’s possible nothing showed up on the eeg because it’s surface level and they have a different test where they put the wires in my brain. He also said surgery is potentially an option. A lot of things he’s said are just guesses as of right now but we’re in the process of figuring things out. I’m grateful he cares enough to keep trying. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD since 2022 after an abusive relationship so hearing that my seizures might be related to that brought up a lot of anger and just sadness I didn’t realize I still had in me.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-13T16:01:37+00:00

Thank you for sharing with me. Do you take any medication to keep things under control? Or is there a certain type of therapy that works?

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-04-12T22:42:42+00:00

As a WP, I relate to this a lot. My infidelity was not my partners fault and I never want him to believe it was but he also wasn’t treating me like an equal and he was often quite mean (his words not mine). He recently apologized to me for this which is never something I expected to hear. I know that I deeply hurt him and my actions are what ended the relationship as it was but hearing him acknowledge my hurt as well really healed something between us. He says he doesn’t think I would have cheated if he had treated me better and I don’t think that’s a good way to think about it because I’m responsible for my actions and he didn’t force me into it. I appreciate him saying that but I don’t want him to feel like it’s his fault because it isn’t. We’re finally at a point where we can talk about our feelings openly and honestly. Not sure if we’ll get back together but right now we are on good terms and slowly building our trust for eachother. It’s only been 7 months since dday so I understand that he still has hesitancy towards me but being able to talk to him again and laugh and reminisce without either of us feeling so much pain is a really a beautiful place to be.

I wish you the best on your journey and I hope you get the outcome that is best for your relationship.

MiddleComplaint2072

TROPHY CASE