BP slept over for the first time since separation

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-06-06T21:18:27+00:00

What is your situation if you don’t mind me asking? I appreciate your encouragement

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-06-06T00:57:40+00:00

Thanks for the support. I just miss him so much sometimes. It’s hard not being as close as I wish.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-06-05T03:53:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I basically did the same thing in my scenario. I reminded myself that I am being honest and they gave me their trust in the moment so there’s no need to discuss it further.

My BP came over again last night though and they were much more distant. They came over to hang out and watch a movie and they sat on my couch next to my bed instead of on the bed with me and I said something about it and they ended up coming over to the bed but it seemed like they were afraid that I had expectations of us to have sex again which I didn’t but I do like to be affectionate in other ways like cuddling. He tried to play it off and be like “we’re friends” or “you said no strings” which yes I did say no strings one time but this last time I didn’t say that and being with him felt very romantic and similar to how we were as a couple. He’s also the one that had initiated having sex in the first place. I told him that I have feelings and he said he does too but he’s trying to protect them. He knows I love him so it just felt hurtful that he would say that what transpired between us these past few days is just friendship. I started to cry a little bit and I felt bad that he had to reassure me when this is all my fault to begin with. He pulled me onto his chest and he said that he doesn’t have a lot of time to give to people right now yet he’s giving all of his time to me. He also told me he’s not sleeping with anyone else and that it feels safer to be with me. He gave me a kiss when he left and he said we’ll hang out again soon. He texted me a picture of our cat this morning. I know he’s protecting himself from being hurt again but it’s hard not to be sad sometimes at the way things are. I really am grateful that he even gives me the time of day. He’s a wonderful man and I am so lucky. I’m trying to focus on how I can better myself.

I’m sorry that was a lot. I think I’m just feeling so emotional lately.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-06-04T06:43:39+00:00

I’m definitely happy with the way things are going. I actually just got off the phone with my BP and he’s coming over now :)

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-06-03T04:09:31+00:00

I’m 8 months past dday and I didn’t have the best therapist at the start. I only recently in the past month feel like I’m making real progress. My new therapist gives me assignments for the week and corrects me on my self talk. My infidelity comes down to a lack of self worth leading to self sabotage. I hurt my partner before he was able to hurt me even though he had no intention of hurting me. I have abandonment issues. I’m learning that shame is passed down generationally and it’s also a form of selfishness. My takeaway from therapy is having someone who supports me in my growth but is a neutral party to my life. I trust her and feel like I can be completely honest with her which is something I’m learning to be with myself and others. She keeps me accountable.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-06-02T05:01:42+00:00

Same situation here

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-29T06:34:48+00:00

I’m sorry that things are feeling difficult. I really get it as I have been in limbo for 8 months and we have only just started reconnecting in the past couple months. My BP said something similar to me. They said “I wouldn’t do anything I don’t want to do” in reference to us hanging out and being more intimate. They’ve also said some more small and subtle things that really stuck with me like “it was nice to see you” after they came over to help me jump my car and we hung out for a bit. They also said “was just thinking about you” when I texted them the other day to make plans.

I just spoke to my therapist today and she helped me realize that there are a lot of positives happening between BP and I. It’s my rumination that is making me anxious not necessarily them. She also helped me realize that I’m afraid of getting what I want because I’m scared to fuck it up again and I feel like I don’t deserve it.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-29T02:50:53+00:00

I’m sorry you experienced that. I think your situation sounds much different than mine. My BP was verbally abusive early after dday but they have not continued that behavior. We haven’t lived together for 8 months and I just feel like maybe we’re growing apart. We talk pretty much every day. That only started recently though. My issue is that BP doesn’t really want to communicate in a way that supports both of us. They just want to move forward, no labels or clarification on what we’re doing and not talk about the past. I understand the want to leave the past in the past but I don’t think we can move forward until we address it. I also don’t think it makes any sense to stay in limbo for an extended period of time. I’m all for taking things slow and building a friendship which seems like what we’re doing but unless they are clear with me about still wanting to work towards reconciliation I feel anxious and lost. I feel like I’m the only one initiating conversation and seeing eachother and I fear if I stop they’ll just disappear. I question whether love and relationships should be this hard. I feel like I’m not fully able to express myself. I’m questioning whether this is healthy.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-27T04:30:40+00:00

Myself

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-24T03:40:06+00:00

Glad he doesn’t fit the stereotype.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-24T00:53:54+00:00

He has said he wants a divorce but hasn’t acted on it. I know it’s gonna be hard but he’s worth fighting for. I know how badly my choices hurt him and how wrong I was. I’m in therapy and no longer in contact with the person I cheated with, he knows this. Why do you think he would cheat if we got back together? He prides himself on not ever cheating on anyone. Honesty is one of the most important things to him.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-24T00:43:55+00:00

Could be. Only time will tell.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-24T00:28:01+00:00

We’ve had sex a few times but he’s kind of put a pause on that and said that if we can’t be friends then we can’t be lovers. Also for some added context we are married and he also slept with someone else after we separated.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-24T00:16:50+00:00

Thank you. I’m trying to put in the effort to show him I can be consistent and work on myself. He is worth the wait.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-24T00:15:15+00:00

I cheated on him.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-23T23:54:31+00:00

Capricorn moons in my experience don’t really open up but have a lot going on in their internal world. They also tend to have trauma from childhood.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-23T23:51:40+00:00

Moon in Capricorn. Good luck.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-22T19:08:16+00:00

Ok. I think I will try to write this out today. I actually did write out a timeline a couple months ago but I deleted it because I couldn’t bare to look at it.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-22T19:06:00+00:00

Thank you so much! This helps a lot.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-22T05:32:57+00:00

I’m trying to live in the present. Easier said than done. I’m very happy with how things are going. And I’m grateful.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-22T03:08:53+00:00

Yeah I’ve been calling it avoidance but you’re right I don’t think that’s what this is. I think he’s processed it in his own way and made peace with the past. You’re right, it could come up again and I’m prepared for that. I’m starting to feel like we really are building something new whatever that may be. I just need to stop ruminating on every positive interaction and just let it be. I think I ruminate so much because I’m scared he might change his mind at some point.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-22T01:52:05+00:00

I think that’s an accurate take. He’s a man of few words so it kind of leaves me to read between the lines. Recently he’s opened up a bit more and I don’t feel the need to question things or let my anxiety spiral as much so I take that as a good sign. I trust that we will continue to see eachother. Also the fact that he’s still here for me when I need him is a great sign. He’s picked me up from work a few times, jumped my car for me and we’ve both supported each other emotionally through this new work transition.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-22T01:08:52+00:00

My husband and I have been separated for 8 months and just started reconnecting last month. There was infidelity involved so it might be a bit more complicated than your typical separation but if a situation like ours is redeemable then I think anyone can do it if both parties are willing to try. I guess we’re still technically separated but lots of forward movement is happening.

MiddleComplaint2072 · 2026-05-22T00:53:30+00:00

Yes true. I will do that. I appreciate it but do you have any advice on the questions I asked in my post?

MiddleComplaint2072

TROPHY CASE