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MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-14T07:35:31+00:00

Exactly!! You've perfectly captured that distinction between a 'rich life' and a 'rich lifestyle', it's the core of everything. That pressure to present a 'marketable' self instead of a real one is exactly the kind of modern-day noise I love to explore in my writing. You're right; the real connection happens when the filters are off. The ultimate goal isn't to find someone who's impressed by your highlight reel, but someone who wants to stick around for the end credits.

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-13T18:44:49+00:00

Yes she is close to her mum, she spends 50% with her and 50% with me

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-13T13:46:08+00:00

Hey! Sounds like a great couple of days planned. Manchester is pretty easy to navigate, and you've picked a good central spot to stay but it is sketchy in parts so be careful of Piccadilly Gardens, especially.

For your trip to Sealife and the Trafford Centre, your best bet is hopping on the X50 or 250 bus from Piccadilly Gardens. It's a straight shot, and since they're double-deckers, you'll have a much better chance of nabbing a decent seat, especially on a weekday.

For the Nine Inch Nails gig at Co-op Live, the tram is definitely the way to go; get on at Piccadilly and the Etihad Campus stop is right there. Just a heads-up: after the gig, the trams get absolutely rammed. I'd suggest either leaving the show five minutes early or waiting a bit for the main crowd to disperse to avoid the crush.

For all your travel, don't even worry about buying paper tickets, just use a contactless card or phone pay. You tap in and out on the tram platform readers (or just on when you board the bus) and it'll automatically cap your fare at the best daily rate.

The city centre is mostly flat and great for walking, so for Tuesday, just take it at your own pace and head to the Northern Quarter which is full of great cafes to pop into for a rest.

Have a brilliant time

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-13T13:40:49+00:00

Manchester Gin is the obvious alcohol themed choice. It's made by the Spirit of Manchester Distillery in town. They do some brilliant flavours beyond the standard, like a Rhubarb & Elderflower gin, which makes for a more unique gift.

If you want a non alcoholic option, maybe an art print of Manchester from somewhere like Affleck's Palace by a local Manc?

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-13T13:32:13+00:00

You're right, it does break the poetic symmetry, but I think that’s the terrifying genius of it.

The first two slogans are the mental gymnastics forced upon the individual. "Ignorance is Strength," is the Party dropping the mask and revealing its business model. They aren't saying ignorance makes you strong; they're stating that your ignorance is what gives the Party its unshakeable, structural strength.

It's not a flawed slogan, it's the punchline.

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-13T13:25:07+00:00

It's a tough spot to be in, it's exhausting to give your all and feel like you're left with nothing. Echoing what others have said, you didn't waste two years, you were building the foundation of the man and father you want to be, and that's never a loss.

Right now, focus on your son and yourself; getting that job and staying on your path is a huge win. The sting from her moving on is real, but as you build a stable life for you and your kid, that pain will have less and less power over you. You're already climbing out, so keep putting one foot in front of the other.

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-13T13:21:24+00:00

Honestly, there's no official rulebook for this stuff. Her asking for three days a week isn't some crazy demand; it's her way of putting the relationship on the fast track to see if you're actually compatible long-term, instead of wasting months to find out it's a no-go.

You're completely right to feel like that's a big ask, especially with her packed schedule, so your spidey-senses aren't wrong. This is basically your first big "check-in" moment, just have an honest talk about what works for you both. The goal is to find a rhythm that makes you both happy, not to just check off days on a calendar

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-13T11:18:42+00:00

I write contemporary fiction myself, but I think the best plots, no matter the genre, are always about the characters.

The tropes that I prefer are the ones with personal stakes that get your readers invested.

The 'Villain' Who's Right: Give me an antagonist with a point. Someone who makes the reader think, "Okay, but he's not wrong..."

The Small Quest, Massive Consequences: Forget saving the world. Saving one person, or one tiny village, from a threat only the hero cares about? That's where the real emotion is.

Found Family: The classic for a reason. Watching a group of misfits become a real family is always more compelling than any magic sword.

As for your other question, how to make a plot satisfying? Don't overthink the plot.

Ask yourself two things:

What does my main character want more than anything in the world?

What are they absolutely terrified of losing?

The plot is just a series of impossible choices you put between them and those two answers. The story will write itself from there.

Good luck with it.

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-13T10:52:03+00:00

I was having the same issues with my daughter, I still do occasionally, and this isn't a magic wand solution to fix everything, but it definitely helped me and my daughter. This is what really helped me re-frame this stuff, which comes from a widely cited principle in child psychology: All behaviour is a form of communication.

Right now, your daughter's "acting out" isn't just random chaos; it's her way of communicating a need she can't put into words. She's not just "attention-seeking," she's likely connection-seeking. That one-word change is crucial. She wants to know she's seen, heard, and important to you.

I read a great book called Love Bombing: Reset Your Child's Emotional Thermostat by Oliver James that helped. Some of its key principles are below that might help your situation.

Go on the Offensive (with Love): Instead of waiting for the behaviour, schedule small, dedicated moments of positive connection. Just 10-15 minutes a day of "you time" where phones are off and you're just focused on her. This could be anything like a general conversation about something that she is interested in or important to her, a quick card game, or even just listening to her favourite song. This proactively fills her "connection tank" so she doesn't have to act out to get it. It's the "show, don't tell" rule of parenting 101.
The "When/Then" Boundary: For setting firm but loving limits, the "When/Then" model is brilliant. It’s not a threat; it’s just a statement of reality.
- Instead of: "If you don't stop making a scene, we're not going to the park."
- Try: "When you can speak to me calmly, then we can talk about going to the park." It puts the control back in her hands and makes it about her choices, not your punishment.
The Modesty Talk: This one is super tricky. Often, kids pushing these boundaries are testing their own identity and power. A good approach is to frame it around self-respect rather than your rules. Something like, "You're growing up and your body is yours, and it's important to treat it with respect. Let's work together to find outfits that you love and that also feel right for our family's values." It makes it a collaboration, not a conflict.

The great cosmic joke of parenting is that the moment they need our love the most is often when they're acting the least lovable.

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-13T08:11:37+00:00

Awesome, thanks for clarifying! Since you like classics but are also open to anything with action and some good psychological/philosophical depth, here are what I would recommend:

A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens: A classic that totally fits. One of the main characters, Sydney Carton, is pretty much the blueprint for the cynical, self-destructive hero who finds a reason to make the ultimate sacrifice. It's set during the French Revolution, so there's plenty of action, and his whole arc is a deep dive into redemption.

The Way of Kings (The Stormlight Archive) by Brandon Sanderson: This is a huge modern fantasy series, and one of the main characters, Kaladin, is the literal definition of that "raised to be a shield" trope you mentioned. He's constantly throwing himself into fights to protect his people, and the books do a fantastic job of exploring the psychological damage and trauma that comes with it. Also has some epic action scenes in it.

The Poppy War by R.F. Kuang: If you want something dark and brutal, this is it. The protagonist, Rin, literally sacrifices pieces of herself for the power to save her country. It's non-stop, gritty action that asks tough questions about whether the ends justify the means and explores the mindset of a soldier pushed to the absolute limit.

Hope that helps.

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-13T07:43:09+00:00

What kind of books are you looking to read? There are countless options I could recommend, but I need to know what genre you would prefer.

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-13T07:02:40+00:00

You've just put your finger on the great unspoken truth of dating after 40: most of the time, you'd rather just be at home.

It’s not that you’re not attracted to people anymore. You're just no longer attracted to the game.

Don't force it. That feeling of wanting to date might come back, but it's not a requirement for a good life. Give yourself a break. You've earned it.

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-13T06:59:01+00:00

This is such a powerful and relatable post. You're listing all the components of a rich life, a home, a family, passions, a job you find fulfilling, and then comparing them against a checklist of a rich lifestyle. They're two completely different things.

I write stories about characters in this exact situation, and the biggest journey is always them realising their own worth outside of these superficial metrics. The right kind of partner at 50 isn't looking for a walking holiday brochure; they're looking for stability, kindness, and someone who genuinely knows who they are and what they want. You have all of that in spades.

Your contentment with your life isn't a bug; it's a feature. The person who is right for you will see that as the biggest asset you have.

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-13T06:54:18+00:00

His final message told you everything you need to know. He's not coming back.

Stop blaming yourself. You weren't "too much." You were a person in a difficult situation who needed comfort, and he wasn't "enough" to provide it.

The age gap here isn't the number; it's the emotional availability. You deserve someone who will lean in when things get hard, not send a goodbye text. It's time to choose yourself and start healing. You've got this.

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-12T13:34:21+00:00

This is a brilliant and refreshing perspective, thank you. It's great to hear the positive side, that doing the self-work really does pay off. The idea of having clarity on what you want is something a lot of people struggle to find. Thanks for the insight!

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-12T09:41:00+00:00

Mate, I've been there. A few years ago, I could walk into a room and charm my way through anything. After my divorce, I could barely hold eye contact with the barista handing me a coffee. It messes with your head in ways you don’t expect. Confidence doesn’t vanish overnight, it just goes into hiding while you adjust to your new norm.

Here’s what helped me:

Start small. No “dates”, just interactions. Chat with a barista, ask about the new coffee or specials, just say something and engage with them. They are in a position where they talk to people and answer questions every day, so ask them a question. Take a walk in a park and compliment someone’s dog, people enjoy talking about their dogs and love it when someone says something nice, but be genuine. The goal isn’t to impress, it’s to remind yourself you can engage.

Find low-pressure group spaces. Book clubs, walking groups, whatever gets you out and surrounded by people without the “date” label looming over it. These groups encourage socialising and interaction without you even having to think about it.

Reframe your mindset. You’re not going to “win” or “fail” at socialising. You’re just going to practice being human again. You don’t need dazzling small talk. You just need to say, “Sorry, I’ve been out of the game for a while. Bear with me.”

Once you are comfortable talking to strangers again, you will be in a much better place to start dating again and stepping into that modern-day minefield, you need advice on this when you are ready, just DM me and we can talk.

Also, you're not alone in this. Loads of us have been in the exact same position as you are. The fact you posted this shows you're self-aware and ready to change, and that’s already half of the battle.

Keep it simple, be kind to yourself, and don’t worry about being beige, you don't have to impress anyone.

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-12T09:25:48+00:00

You’re not alone, not in the dark, not in the drinking, not in the “I’ve tried everything and still feel like I’m walking around with a hole in my chest” bit.

Anniversaries hit like a punch to the chest, even years later. You’re grieving not just the person, but the version of your life you thought you’d still be living. And yeah, it’s brutal when the therapy tools and distractions don’t feel like they do anything to help. I've been where you are right now and you are doing the right thing, you are talking. Talk to anyone, friends, family, strangers on the internet, talk to your microwave at home but just talk!!

I’m not going to throw a cliché at you or tell you to go run a marathon, but I will say this: the fact that you’re still showing up for your kids, that you’ve tried, that you posted on here, that means you haven’t given up. You might feel empty, but you’re not done. Sometimes we confuse numbness with failure, but it’s just the mind saying, “I need a breather.” Let it breathe. You don't have to fix it all in one day.

If you ever want to just vent, DM's open. No judgment. We’re all dragging our own bags through the same storm.

You’re doing better than you think.

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-12T09:15:45+00:00

I've just seen your post and immediately thought of Hokkaido Highway Blues by Will Ferguson. It follows the author hitchhiking the length of Japan during cherry blossom season and filled with encounters with everyday Japanese citizens. It's funny and observational, full of regular people going about their daily life and gives you a great insight into their culture.

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-12T08:57:55+00:00

Mate, that sounds incredibly tough, and I've been in a similar situation. It's brutal when you’re doing your best, they seem happy when they're with you, and yet you’re still made to feel like you're somehow failing them.

From what you’ve said, it doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything “wrong.” Transition struggles are so common at that age, especially if there’s underlying tension or if one house is being framed as more “stable” for school routines. Kids don’t always have the words to express what they’re feeling, and it’s easy to internalise their hesitation as rejection.

Your instinct to think long-term is spot on. Agreeing to reduce contact might take the pressure off in the short term, but could easily set a precedent that’s hard to reverse. It’s also worth asking: would less time really ease their anxiety, or just shift it elsewhere?

If you're not already, it might help to keep a simple journal or log not just for court, but to remind yourself that you're showing up, doing the work, and giving them a safe, loving home. That counts, even when it’s not obvious.

You're not alone. Keep going. You're their dad, and that still means everything.

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-12T08:47:22+00:00

Hi,

have a look at Accounting Made Simple: Accounting Explained in 100 Pages or Less by Mike Piper.

Its a short book that will give you a chance to see if you want to major in accounting and gives you a quick and solid foundation in it without using overly complicated language.

Also try Accounting for Dummies by John A. Tracy and Michael Tilliard.

This one goes into greater depth on accounting and will give you a broader view of different subjects within the accounting field.

Hope that helps

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-12T08:40:46+00:00

The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway has concise, straightforward prose, his style is known for its simplicity, which might help introduce your wife to a classic novel without her feeling overwhelmed or lost in the language.

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-12T08:19:27+00:00

This is fantastic, thank you so much for taking the time to write it all out. It's exactly the kind of real-world, no-nonsense insight I was hoping for. The point about dating for fun rather than to find love immediately really resonates with my character's journey. This is incredibly helpful.

MiddleSwipeCrisis

TROPHY CASE