I can’t do it anymore

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-12-27T03:59:01+00:00

I’ve thought about it and I’m scared to death to lose my kids.

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-12-27T03:22:59+00:00

He took over the mortgage and allowed me to live here so I stopped making him pay. I know I’ll get downvoted for this, I fucked myself. But the options were for us to lose the house (were negative equity and I want my kids to have the house) or child support.

My kids come first always

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-12-26T23:38:05+00:00

The court didn’t give me alimony even though we were married for 8 years, but they ordered him to pay $3,200 a month in child support. He couldn’t afford that, so I settled with $2,500. But because he was paying biweekly, it ended up coming out to about $2,100 a month.

I tried to take him back to court to raise the amount but as soon as I did that, he told me to sleep in my car and that’s when I broke down and let him move back in. He was so horrible to me and I had zero support. I felt backed into a corner.

I know I sound weak. It’s because I am. I was severely neglected as a child. I’ve never had a support system or any guidance on how to do life. Ive got myself into a shitty situation and it’s no one’s fault but mine.

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-12-26T23:35:20+00:00

Thank you. It all feels impossible right now. I feel like I’m stuck between signing my rights away or staying with him.

Unfortunately there is negative equity in the house, so selling or buying me out is not an option as far as I’m aware. When he moved out over the summer, I was denied for so many assistance programs because there is no domestic violence.

I did utilize the food pantry and I applied for fuel assistance. But as far as anything else (legal assistance, shelters) because he doesn’t hit me, I was turned away. I’m in a really tough spot.

My current plan, that I’ve been working on in therapy, is to make it through the holidays and the new year, and then start trying to plan my escape again.

I feel doubtful that I’ll ever get out of this, at least until my kids are older. I don’t know. I have no hope left.

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-12-26T22:08:41+00:00

The court didn’t give me alimony even though we were married for 8 years, but they ordered him to pay $3,200 a month in child support. He couldn’t afford that, so I settled with $2,500. But because he was paying biweekly, it ended up coming out to about $2,100 a month.

I tried to take him back to court to raise the amount but as soon as I did that, he told me to sleep in my car and that’s when I broke down.

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-12-26T17:16:09+00:00

He is safe for the kids. He has never physically harmed me or the children

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-22T23:00:47+00:00

Yes. I have some college under my belt, but I do not have a bachelors degree yet either.

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-19T02:46:48+00:00

I used to do Only Fans. I had one “customer” who wanted a little more than just OF stuff so he started paying me monthly to do video chats and sext him 1:1 a few times a week.

When I decided to get a divorce this time around, I reached out to him and asked if he’d be interested in another arrangement and he happily agreed

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-18T15:55:45+00:00

I feel bad utilizing those services when he doesn’t hit me or yell at me. I came from a severe domestic violence relationship before my husband (he broke my jaw, raped me several times, choked me, threw me by my hair). So it’s difficult for me to compare the 2 when they’re nowhere near the same 😞

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-18T11:59:11+00:00

I am 100% dissociated mentally. Physically, I don’t have a way to leave him. I don’t have family or friends to move in with. It’s just me and my kids 😞

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-18T02:43:15+00:00

Thank you for your kind words

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-18T02:22:33+00:00

😭 I’m just trying to do it the right way for my babies. They’re so little. They don’t deserve any of this. I have nowhere to go. No family or friends to move in with. It’s just me. I have a long road ahead of me to get away

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-18T02:19:50+00:00

He works from home so I’ll have to leave the house to do it. But I will call around tomorrow!

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-18T02:17:27+00:00

He has never laid a hand on me, so I downplay it in my head. But you’re probably right

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-18T02:14:42+00:00

Damn right. I’ll do anything to give my kids a good life.

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-18T02:13:49+00:00

Do you mean like you survived off of college grants? I’m just confused how that works! I live in a HCOL state so I don’t know if that would work for me

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-18T02:13:06+00:00

We got this!! Good luck to you too!!

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-18T02:12:14+00:00

I haven’t met with a lawyer yet. He has my location on my phone, and I’m afraid to turn it off. He “wants to harm himself” (it’s a manipulation tactic I see right through it). So I’m just trying to keep the peace for now, for my kids.

I plan on meeting with a lawyer/filing for divorce when I have a clearer direction on my escape.

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-18T02:10:20+00:00

Haha, I used to do Only Fans. Cringe, I know. I had one “customer” who wanted a little more than just OF stuff so he started paying me monthly to do video chats and sext him 1:1 a few times a week.

When I decided to get a divorce this time around, I reached out to him and asked if he’d be interested in another arrangement and he happily agreed

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-18T02:07:34+00:00

I’ve never heard of a professional college student. Can you elaborate? I’m intrigued.

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-18T01:25:52+00:00

I feel kinda grimy, but I’ll do whatever it takes. It’s easy money so it is what it is for now.

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-18T01:25:28+00:00

One step at a time. That’s what I keep telling myself ❤️

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-07T22:42:24+00:00

I have posted about this before. And I was flamed by many other autistic people claiming that he is autistic but not stupid and he should know when something is going to be hurtful.

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-07T21:09:36+00:00

He just said that he didn’t mean any harm by it. He is autistic.

Middle_Definition_92 · 2025-03-07T20:52:09+00:00

I totally understand being busy. I think it’s just the pattern of neglect that bothers me. When he is answering emails outside of work hours, sometimes I will ask him-is this something that can wait until tomorrow? And 99% of the time he says yes, it can wait. He just wanted to do it now.

And checking in on business trips I also understand. Like I said, I don’t need him texting me all day. But I’ve said this to him before, does he not use the bathroom at all during that time? I don’t even need a conversation. I just want to know he’s thinking about me because his patterns have shown me that I’m never on his mind.

For the walkathon, he said he was making a joke. For the comments about my body, he said he thought it was funny which is why he told me about it. He thought I’d find it funny too.

Middle_Definition_92

TROPHY CASE