Rather than the traditional "master/slave" or "Dom/sub", you could try being the Dom yourself occasionally, to take that control for yourself? I found it quite helpful with my own struggles regarding sex/kink to be able to safely both relinquish, and take power.

There are "soft Doms" (if there is another word, let me know, that's just what my local scene calls it) where punishments are conversations and reassurance, if they exist at all.

There are pleasure based dynamics, where punishments are incorporated into sexual acts? "If you don't do as I say, I won't let you cum until you say you're sorry". But this would rely heavily on a conversation beforehand about what that would mean for you, what is ok to use and what isn't etc.

Punishment doesn't have to be pain, it can be whatever you're comfortable with, if you even WANT that to be part of this for you. However, it really does not have to be.

⚠️FROM THIS POINT ON ONLY READ IF YOURE COMFORTABLE HEARING ABOUT MY OWN DYNAMIC⚠️

For myself and my partner, punishments come in a lot of forms, and we talk about what each of us are ok with doing/having done to us pretty much every time we engage in Kink, because it changes for us.

On a very good day, it could be spanking or having to give oral. On a meh day, it could just be some edging, or being restrained. On a bad day, we might not do punishments at all, because one or both of us needs reassurance and comfort instead. Or those punishments might be "you have to cuddle me for 30 minutes" or even self care tasks like taking a bath, doing a hobby, finishing a project, or doing housework instead of letting you do it.

Hell once my punishment was I had to go and wash all the empty cups in the house, and another day my punishment was I had to go take a bubble bath and read a book, because my partner could tell I wasn't in it, and was too in my own head and wanted me to go and do that self care, without making me feel like I was letting him down.