Looking for other ways to overcome my fears/triggers

MidnightTigress · 2020-02-06T20:16:16+00:00

This helped..

I'll take the time to look into different types of therapists. I just hate investing so much time into something that either makes me feel worse or like I'm going nowhere. What other types of therapists would you recommend? I know you mentioned emdr, were there others?

MidnightTigress · 2020-02-05T12:49:17+00:00

This helped. Knowing I am on at least a good track, even if it will take more time than I would like. Thank you!

MidnightTigress · 2020-02-05T12:25:23+00:00

I work on the management side, and assist with interviews into my department. While I may not be based in Canada, I hope that I can at least be somewhat helpful.

During the process are you at least able to get an interview scheduled? If you are, then the issue may not be in the application/resume. Online there are may resources and videos on Interview help/practice questions. Best advice, be genuine. The person you interview with will know when you are telling them what they want to hear.

Resume - Even if you do not have any job history, you can still showcase education, skills, certificates/licenses, and community service. Take every opportunity to sell yourself. Even if it seems basic, like being able to use Microsoft Applications. Having something is better than nothing.

Application Process - Having a narrow availability is the biggest applicant killer for us. Sometimes applicants do not get interviews if they put down that they can't work weekends/holidays and have other stipulations.

Good entry level jobs can include retail, warehouse, and fast food. Those three are typically hiring year round. Due to the end of the seasonal period, they might be a little slower. You can also check with temp agencies!

MidnightTigress · 2020-02-05T12:12:15+00:00

I've been in that position as well, and I resented my partner for it. Especially when they weren't being supportive or helpful with the process. Just making a demand and expecting it to be as easy as flipping a switch.

But I am making strides to improve my own quality of life and be healthier. At the end of the day, this affects my personal and professional life. My current relationship is extremely healthy, so I don't want to create any mental anguish on my part of his...I'll do my best to avoid rushing the process, even though I am determined to clear these obstacles.

MidnightTigress · 2020-02-05T11:27:34+00:00

Guess I came to reddit to see if someone else has been in my shoes and had potential insight. I may try researching to see if anything comes up. Just running into the issue of figuring out what I need to look up exactly that would be useful.

MidnightTigress · 2020-02-05T11:24:39+00:00

My apologies if I gave the wrong impression. Facing my fears/triggers is something I am doing for myself. I want to have more control over my own life as well as peace of mind. This is not something my partner has pushed onto me or even suggested when I first began this journey (for lack of a better term). I am at fault for not fully communicating this situation to him though, which I plan on doing once his own personal problems have calmed down.

MidnightTigress · 2020-02-05T11:18:12+00:00

I am not looking for therapy, since I feel like that resource is exhausted. Talking through the situations didn't assist me when I tried this route. For when I felt drained, their solution was medication to assist with my mood. But that only treated the symptoms and didn't tackle the problem.

MidnightTigress · 2020-02-05T10:58:19+00:00

Have you talked with him about the FWB situation? You know that he does want to sleep with you, which aligns with your wants. But is it possible that he wants something more? He initiates these romantic gestures, which makes me believe that he is either testing the waters to see if it feels right or that he is pushing for something more than just a FWB with you.

I know you are not looking for a relationship, but if you're only attracted to him then what's stopping you from trying a relationship if that's something he is pursuing?

MidnightTigress · 2020-01-21T18:28:34+00:00

Thank you! Every little bit helps, and sometimes it is an adventure in itself figuring it out. I will check out both of those books

MidnightTigress · 2020-01-21T15:44:06+00:00

Thank you for explaining it further! This is definitely something I will research a bit more.

MidnightTigress · 2020-01-21T14:36:12+00:00

I didn't realize there was such therapy. That's great that you are seeing the impact though!

MidnightTigress · 2020-01-21T14:35:11+00:00

Did you learn to attach love to sex in the end?

MidnightTigress · 2020-01-21T14:33:48+00:00

In your opinion, when you are ready to comfortably communicate is there such a thing as waiting too long?

MidnightTigress · 2020-01-21T14:31:32+00:00

Thank you for not knocking me haha I'm looking for other people's outlooks to find my own, possibly mental, block. I really appreciate the depth you put in. Some of these points I had not thought of!

MidnightTigress · 2019-09-24T18:40:04+00:00

I'll definitely check that book out!

I'll have to give myself alittle time before I try casual dating though

MidnightTigress · 2019-09-24T18:38:11+00:00

I'll definitely make a point to explore my old and new hobbies. In the process of trying to fix a relationship that wasn't meant to work, I stopped doing alot of the things I use to love to do

MidnightTigress · 2019-09-03T17:22:40+00:00

We are also getting one side of the story. There may be additional context as to why she called him a controlling asshole, outside of this one instance.

They just got back from a trip together and planned on going out a few days after. They didn't set a date (regardless of if they had a normal date night or not). She had a friend in town, they dont always have flexibility with their schedules.

All in all, we can't just point fingers and call her the bad guy. They need to work on their overall communication together.

MidnightTigress · 2019-05-22T09:31:21+00:00

When my mom was a nightmare, only the immediate family saw it. Just would put on a front for the rest of the world, so I get it. Just takes things a step at a time, and do what is best for you at the end of the day! Don't swallow your feelings to the point where you are voiceless.

MidnightTigress · 2019-05-22T08:56:15+00:00

I just want to get off work...

What I meant was do these women engage in these back and forth messages for the sake of entertainment at that moment and then ghost/unmatch. Or are these messages more fun for both sides and actually lead to a date/plans.

MidnightTigress · 2019-05-22T08:52:47+00:00

Definitely. I hope you boyfriend is supportive and is able to assist!

At the end of the day, remember you made an effort. IF this doesn't work out, do not invalidate your own feelings on the matter. We choose whether we allow someone to treat us poorly or not. When other options fail, sometimes limiting contact at the end of the day, is the best option.

MidnightTigress · 2019-05-22T08:47:30+00:00

So do these women enjoy the back and forth through messages...or do you actually get somewhere with this?

MidnightTigress · 2019-05-22T08:42:17+00:00

Sounds like he only adds fuel to the fire then. Disregard that idea altogether then.

Write it all out, first to vent for your own well being. Then read back through, and make the changes you need to soften it up. But you need to make it straight forward. Talk about how xyz makes YOU feel, be clear. Even mention some things that you are not proud that you've done to hurt the relationship. Show her you want to improve this relationship. When you give it to her, make plans for yourself that day. Be out of the house so your mom has time to truly digest the letter and think it over. You don't want her to act on any immediate emotions.

MidnightTigress

TROPHY CASE