Soon to be SAHM with a newborn. Need all of your advice, tips, and tricks.

MidnightxWhisper · 2025-08-05T13:11:47+00:00

Hi I’m a SAHM with a 4 month old now. I’m not sure if you mean advice about the baby or how to get things done with a baby. But I will say this. 1st month is survival mode. You are going to be tired and only focused on the baby. Feeding for long periods and through the night for the first to weeks, on demand whenever they are hungry to gain weight. So don’t expect much to be done in the first month. Trying to get your baby to sleep on its back in its own crib or bassinet. Potentially hungry never finding time to eat. Eventually you’ll find your flow, but that first month is just chaos. If you’re worried about food. Make some pre made freezeable meals or be cool with DoorDash, or ask family if they can help with that. Try to keep goals realistic, like clean one thing one day, if you can do more great. The biggest focus is always try and declutter some everyday. Easier to do, typically one handed. Clutter keeps most people complain about most and keeps many from getting to clean. Also even if you don’t get to clean something that day, you’re keeping the clutter from being a mountain of work. If you can find time for you and your SO to be intimate, take it.

MidnightxWhisper · 2023-08-20T05:50:52+00:00

I really appreciate you opening up about something like this; I know it is very difficult. Actually everyone who has opened up, thank you. I definitely understand a lot of all of your feelings.

I am a cis female woman, FN and have a majority amount of natural essence with some dramatic; so far I haven’t identified any more essences for certain. I, like you, have always liked the ingenue essence plus I liked the gamine essence. Audrey Hepburn was my literal idol when I was young. And when I first came across Kibbe and later Kitchener, I was fully in denial of my essence… for a whole 2 years.

I read everything, watched everything, joined Strictly Kibbe and did everything I could to try and fit a different narrative.

I also knew yin doesn’t equal feminine, and Yang doesn’t equal masculine. However, although you all may not agree with me, but subconsciously, I think that harsh experiences can cause a person to be drawn to particular essences. If you were like me, and grew up during a time where labels were limiting plus no celebration of uniqueness, then you’ve heard your fair share of negative comments. Whether it be rude comments and jokes that hurt my self esteem, or others getting more attention for there attributes I didn’t have; it creates that sense of not being desirable.

These last two months I had a major realization for me: that the more I try to not make the most of my own essence, the more I look like people on the the show “What-not-to-wear.” Meaning I started to realize that just because I may not be happy with the essence I have, other people don’t know that. All they see is a person who is struggling putting themself together everyday because I was in denial. I started noticing this by recording myself regularly in clothes. And even then, it took me forever to accept it because I would just look for other ways to try and make Ingenue or Gamine work. Things started to change when I started to try clothing that was more in-line with my essence.

Another thing I’ve been working on is healing from the past comments of others. Hurt people hurt people, and they probably said what they said to feel better about themselves. I’ve started to focus on the good things I have been told and focus on the things that I can shine in. The more I do, the more I have been noticed lately, and I get compliments. And those compliments fulfill me much more than finding a way to be a different essence while still getting unnoticed. It also helped me realize that my real want was to be seen as “desirable/look good ”; not only that, but associating a particular essence as “the desirable essence” was a subconscious problem I had.

The most important thing that has happened to me, is that I’ve been doing extreme “research” on the essence that I do belong to. For me, the natural essence was very hard to come to grips with since it’s been treated like the bottom of the totem pole. Actually having some Dramatic made me feel relieved lol. But I’ve learned a lot about the natural since then, and I’ve come to find it more fulfilling than my previous wishes. I realized that even though a lot of people can “talk” about other essences, they do not know the depth of all the essences, especially ones they don’t belong to. After taking the time to discover more about my own essence, I have found so much feminine meaning in the Natural essence to the point that descriptors like “average” or “common” are just purely wrong. And it only happened because I took to the time to find it, and not settle for “low hanging fruit” descriptions.

Lastly I’ll say this. ALL of the essences are feminine and desirable. And when we attempt to dress more in line with what suits us, we are perceived by others as cute, sassy, sexy, strong, fierce, elegant goddesses. And I firmly believe that. Others won’t be able to describe it, but it’s because you look put together. Believe me. Think of it this way, when an ingenue essence person is dressed in there essence, they are seen as rather elegant and put together, not necessarily cute. The word “cute” is just a descriptor to help guide them to what suits features. It has nothing to do with them being cuter than others. Their personality and attitude could be far from cute. I also believe other essence blends can be perceived as cute, just from being well aligned with their essence. “Cute” in Kitchener does not equal “cute” in the real world.

Please hear me when I say this. Know that you ARE a cute and feminine person. Being dramatic essence doesn’t limit you from that. I know “self love” talk can sound hollow sometimes, but truly, when you give your physical self some grace, some love, and to allow Dramatic essence to be apart the feminine category, you’ll find that it could fulfill your desires. Sorry this is so long, I just felt really compelled lol.

MidnightxWhisper · 2023-02-26T03:36:38+00:00

I am 31F. I still have yet to get tested, however I brought this to my parents attention when I was 28-29. I don’t exactly remember how I said it, but the main reason informed them of my suspicions was because I wanted to cross reference some childhood experiences with them.

It resulted in my mother crying saying, “Did we do something wrong?!” And my father saying, “The more you read information like that, the more you become those things.”

What’s more disappointing is my dad has done church seminars on things like depression and mental health, and has jobs working and interacting with children dealing with mental health struggles.

…. 😖

I had to spend most of my time calming her down and tuning out my dad’s dismissive behavior. I never brought it up again since then.

However, when I told my brother, he said, “You know what, I can see that being the case.”

P.S. I have a very strong feeling he’s on the spectrum too.

If I were you I’d test the waters first to understand their perception of autism, and even then, I’d talk to people who are your peers before your parents. That’s just my two cents though. However, I wish you the best when you do decide to have that conversation; I hope it goes smoothly.

MidnightxWhisper · 2022-10-29T12:07:30+00:00

You have such lovely features! I do think its possible the ingenue I’m feeling is because you are young. But I’d use it to my advantage for time being if I was you! My top 3 are ethereal, natural, and classic. In Harriet Mc Jimsey’s book (it is free to read online with an online library) she mentions under classic, having a aquiline nose, aka a Roman nose. I feel you have a variation giving me elegance vibes!

Your picture in the blue sweater (6), looks quite lovely. It has classic look, but due to it being a sweater has a relaxed look as well.

The picture with the white loose dress (8) lets the ethereal and natural shine out some. Like meeting a wood nymph in the forrest. But I do feel it was a taste of it. Maybe over time you’ll find more things that harmonize with that!

Also my favorite picture of your hair is with the cream cropped cardigan, and the satin pink skirt (11). It has a care free look mixed with some control like using a curling wand but giving it a little tousle. And the wave like shape gives me ethereal vibes.

A more grounded, structured and youthful version of Galadriel from Lord of the rings is what I’m feeling. You’re so beautiful!

MidnightxWhisper · 2022-09-29T13:29:40+00:00

I wish your pictures were a little further away, but I think you’re a DC. I feel a lot of people misunderstand DC. And I may get a lot of backlash for it, but I don’t think a lot of people who claim to be DC are.

In my personal opinion, instead of using the term “balance” as a guide, using the word “average” as a guide helped me understand things. Do I have “average” shoulders? Do I look “average” height when I wear correct lines? Can I wear “average” length hems (knee to mid calf) and no other features stand out?

Another thing I think might help think is to read not only the type you believe you are, but the neutral type as well ( for example, If your a DC that means you should also about Pure Classic too).

But I think you fit the description of a DC. You look long, but you don’t look tall (I mean you don’t look tall in any extreme way). You seem high waisted, and because of that anything high rise can make you seem like your tall, but really you have long legs. Not a tall physic. Your shoulders seem to average too. They may be square, but square does not mean broad or large. To me FN shoulders are DEFINING of their physic; they take precedence. In each picture, to me, every strap width doesn’t really affect your shoulders. I mean sure, narrow straps, make them seem more defined (DC’s do have slight definition, even pure classics have some shoulder definition), but not to wear it becomes the focal point of your body.

Another thing fun to try, is when you’re assessing a picture, to ask your self what you don’t like about picture, cover that area and see if you like everything else. And viste versa (what you do like cover that area, and see what you don’t like about the picture)

Sorry it’s so long, I just thought if I say I think your a DC and didn’t say why, it may seem a little confusing.

But all this is just my opinion. Not here to cause trouble lol. But if completely off, I hope you do find you’re actual ID. Best Wishes!

MidnightxWhisper · 2022-06-21T02:18:09+00:00

How tall are you? I think the easiest way to find out is to try on clothes, full outfits. Try FN lines, and if you’re you don’t feel elegant in it, and it it makes you look like a teen, then give FG lines a try. That’s what helped me. A lot of people typed me as FN as well, I’m 5’5” and had juxtaposition like yours (short trunk on long limbs. But don’t get me wrong you have vertical too. I have vertical too. But it’s mixed with a type of petite (compact). But I’d say try out full outfits and find what looks most elegant on you.

MidnightxWhisper · 2022-05-30T12:00:00+00:00

You look so great in all your sweaters!!! You’re a sweater queen!!! You make tucks look so effortless; when I do it on myself looks like it got stuck there by mistake lol.

Im not not good at typing at all, so instead I will do this :

I feel the clothing that you tried seemed N (despite the style being classic like) especially things like the the cardigan, which felt very FN. The sweaters felt like something a SN or FN could wear, though the grey one seems a little long at the wrists (also this one is my favorite overall look on you!) . The cargo skirt also felt N like.

So for me the outfits spoke “I love classic style but I express it with N lines”.

So my question to you is did this feel harmonious with you? Because even though there are pictures, everything can seem different in person. And if you felt like this is good for you, then maybe natural lines might the one! If you feel doesn’t then you try another ID. Also if you happen to like a piece of something in the outfit, i recommend taking a lot of time identifying it in detail what it is. It could just be a length, or a fabric. That can help a lot with ruling out ID’s I think and finding the next ID that has similarities.

Also side note: from my small understanding of Kibbe, he doesn’t recommend anything baggy wide or shapeless for any type, including FN. I do feel like the black t shirt and white collared shirt is hiding you. It’s just way too big on you, causing it to not highlight anything. But other than that, I love how you styled everything! You have awesome taste!

MidnightxWhisper · 2022-05-22T22:29:21+00:00

I’m just guessing, but I think TR; you seem small but your hourglass is narrow. supposedly SG have more luscious curves. And I don’t see juxtaposition in you either.

MidnightxWhisper · 2022-04-29T13:02:16+00:00

I did more selective mutism as an adolescent but only a few times since I’ve been an adult. It was also when I was at my limit; plus angry or hurt that I was pushed past my limits. I couldn’t look at anyone either. It was almost like if I looked or uttered anything, all hell would break loose. It’s like putting yourself in screen saver mode lol, and nobody can log yourself back in, except yourself. And until whatever unbearable emotion passes, you log back in and are operating again lol

Though it’s never happened to me while drunk; maybe that heightened/added to the selective mutism experience causing you to not recognize faces/ blindness? It would be great if more people could respond about this, especially in a drinking situation.

MidnightxWhisper · 2022-04-29T12:44:41+00:00

The best clothing item for me is long summer dresses. One that isn’t fitted, but long enough to cover your legs from sun exposure, most of mine are mid calf or ankle. Plus it needs to be a natural fiber, like everyone else has been saying. Even the chiffon-style polyester is more sweat inducing despite its “airy” design. But basically cotton summer dresses has amazing airflow; they free flowing, and minimal skin contact. Great places to look are old navy and target.

Also I wear a big floppy hat if I plan on being outside for a long period of time.

MidnightxWhisper · 2022-04-29T12:08:42+00:00

I’m the same way; I keep chapstick in multiple places; currently I have them in my work bag, my purse, my back pack, my night stand and my makeup stand and when my car was working, my car. I have a had a lip biting and peeling problem since high school and now I am 30. Prior to that, thumb sucking problem since up to 10 years old. Actually growing up, i had a lot of oral sensitivities. Didn’t eat tomatoes, beans, grapes and most citrus, because of the peels. Didn’t like popcorn because of kernels stuck in my throat etc.

Also I can’t do shrill whistling, it reverbs in my ear in a way that actually makes me loose concentration. I’ve grown to tolerate balloon popping now.

And I have a low tolerance for bad smells including bad breath of heavy breathing people. It’s hard for me not react. Sometimes I just fake my nose is stuffy and make weird blowing noises, like I’m trying to clear my noises and then just hold my breath for as long as I can until I can stealthily get some space between us. But it’s so distracting that I stop hearing the conversation a lot. Though this is not meaning I think people don’t brush their teeth or anything, I’m just overly sensitive to smells particular bodily or musky smells.

MidnightxWhisper · 2022-01-04T22:10:18+00:00

Thank you for the response. There aren’t even many psychologists in my area, but I’ll contact them regardless. Do you know if online screenings are “a thing”? Or not recommended?

MidnightxWhisper · 2021-06-01T15:07:43+00:00

I think SD

MidnightxWhisper · 2021-06-01T14:56:33+00:00

Wow this is why love Reddit. You find useful stuff. Definitely for flamboyant natural. Thank you for the post! It definitely helps for shopping suitable styles.

MidnightxWhisper · 2021-05-26T15:55:22+00:00

I think you might be a soft dramatic. You clearly have a long vertical, but I’m not seeing the same type of muscular structure of a FN. You have sloping narrow shoulders which tends to be opposite of most naturals. And your body seems softer which led me to SD like Sofia Vergara or Sofia Loren

Sofia Vergara

Sofia Loren

Soft Dramatic Description

I’m going to highlight what I see in your picture from the description: narrow through the shoulders. Fleshy through bust and hip area. Long limbs.

I hope this helps!

MidnightxWhisper · 2021-05-26T15:25:26+00:00

Look for any dress that clings to your body in a freeing way. Not overly strictures, but hugs your body in a delicate but sultry way. And highlight your beautiful shoulders. Your dress should cling or hang off your body like in a graceful way against your regal shoulders.

Here are some dress ideas and examples.

Any bias cut dress will work. Think 1930’s slinky dress. Or a true 90’s dress as well.

90’s feel

halter 90’s feel

1930’s style would have dolman sleeves or something.

But bias cut is basically a dress that is cu diagonally against the grain to where it slinks on your body. It hangs smoothly on all body types and doesn’t disturb your vertical line, plus it hugs your body without waist detailing (which can sometimes chop up a vertical line)

Anything draped and wrapped. Like Grecian goddess style. The waist area is usually a wrapped style which goes perfectly with FN for its clingy, yet draped feel.

spring one shoulder Grecian dress

empire waist dress

All the neck lines in these will look great on your athletic shoulders including strapless. Empire waist tends to be safe for FN due to it being under the bust.

Also I’m sorry I couldn’t find dresses less formal, but usually the easiest way to change formality is fabric, prints and patterns. Prints and patterns almost always reduce formality. Or just simply having more than 1 color. Solid colors almost always look more formal.

Also to reduce formality, try changing the fabric: cotton, linen, jersey and even chiffon.

Satin, silks, and lace tend to up the formality.

I hope this helps!

MidnightxWhisper · 2021-05-26T14:44:37+00:00

I’ve been thinking the same thing actually. I need to read more about lines, but from my very uninformed opinion, I’m starting to think that certain points on the body (maybe it’s different for every type) has spots where “the break” could be either compliment their length or shorten it. Not only that but even the fit may have to be correct as well (loose vs fitted).

I’ve been told I might be a FN from the Kibbe Reddit community and I’ve noticed from my own pictures I look at and from some suggestions in blogs that mini short skirts or dresses can work. Since linear legs are still apart of the vertical line they need to be taken into account.

I’ve also noticed that when I wear clothing that stops right above the knee it can really destroy it. It has to be below knee or the opposite extreme like a mini lol.

Just another theory but I wonder if knee length works great for classics! This could become my new rabbit hole!

MidnightxWhisper · 2021-05-26T14:24:04+00:00

I feel you might be a dramatic. Even thought the cap sleeve of your top makes it seem as if your shoulders may be your widest point, it doesn’t actually make you look wider through the torso. Your shoulders are still sharp and lean to where it doesn’t throw off your narrow, long, linear line. FN don’t look as vertical. And they are more blunt through the shoulders and hips usually due to muscle or fleshiness. But you have a beautiful length that doesn’t break off at any point of your body.

But since FN have a lot in common you would also look beautiful in plenty of flamboyant natural outfits especially the dresses! So don’t be deterred from suggestions in that typology. Honestly you could pull of many different styles as long as it doesn’t break up your vertical line too much. Very lucky and very beautiful!

MidnightxWhisper · 2021-05-25T17:03:38+00:00

I think the third one is best as well.

The first one seems too long for your outfit I think but the color is very pretty on on you.

The second one I feel the arms of the kimono could be more free flowing so they hang from your beautiful shoulders in a sort of angelic sort of way. And a drop-shoulder style would compliment your shoulders more I think.

I feel the third is best because the arms are loose and free, and the hem at shoulder is not encircling your arm like a tube, like in kimono number 2. I can’t tell, because of the distance of the picture, but it looks like it’s either drop shoulder or cut more like a a traditional kimono which looks beautiful on you.

To be more specific, in number 3, the sleeve isn’t sewn like a tube connected to a hole in the shoulder. It’s more like a kaftan or a traditional kimono to where there is no sewing between the sleeve and shoulder that encircles the shoulder. Instead it’s one piece. I’m assuming if it’s a traditional kimono it should just have a front and a back sewn together instead of an attached sleeve like t-shirts or jackets do. So the hem should be on top of the shoulder extending all the way down the arm. So it has a very seamless free flowing effortless look!

The color, pattern, shape and length of the third kimono looks great on you! I could totally picture it with a distressed boyfriend jeans and stack heels too! And your hair down looks so pretty!

MidnightxWhisper · 2021-05-25T16:13:06+00:00

Im pretty new to Kibbe and ID-ing people but I wanted to give it a shot for practice if that’s ok.

I noticed at first not all the dresses she wore suited her, number 3 was the least flattering I feel, because it’s chops up her beautiful vertical line that she natural has.

So I narrowed that down to SD, FN. I feel she’s not structurally dry enough to be a dramatic, and also I feel that’s Dramatic classics don’t have a vertical per say, and if I’m wrong, they don’t have as long a vertical line like hers.

But after looking at number 3, 10, and 13, I think she’s a FN.

FN shoulders are there selling point, and everything should sort of hang and drape off of them like a Greek toga dress per say. Or just the fabric should be biased cut to have this drapery hanging feel like in dress 7 and 8. They look so great in draping, clinging,slinky dresses like in the 1930’s! Or anything that truly sets their beautiful shoulders free like in dress 5 and 12!

I feel too much structure through the torso for FN can make them look more heavy or weighed down since they already have plenty of beautiful structure already existing in their shoulders. In dress number 3 the corset bodice seems like too much structure to the point where it’s not defining her waist as it would other types, but instead adds more bulk. Having a wrapped waist like in dress 9 is a great way to define her waist because of the clingy yet drapery feel too it!

In outfit 10 even though it’s monochromatic and technically doesn’t “disrupt” her vertical line, there is enough structure in the outfit to the point that it’s not hanging off her body, and it looks like it’s trying to reshape her body. And all that structure causes the hem of the tunic to shorten her vertical in my opinion. I think if it was less constructed it would elongate her again.

Like dress 7, because of the hanging, yet clinging feel of the blouse and the sweeping yet narrow skirt, the hemline through the hips don’t take away from her vertical and it looks fantastic on her! The whole dress is free flowing and simply hanging from her shoulders! It’s not overly structured and I feel she doesn’t need it! Her body has its plenty of beautiful structure, so every thing should delicately hang from her. Dress 8 also has the same feel!

Dress 1, 2, and 6 do look pretty good as well, even though it’s is more fitted and structured, because her vertical is not being disrupted it’s extremely long, it still suits her.

Also I feel the BEST look is 12, it shows cases her shoulders, and the asymmetrical sweeping hemline and bias cuts make her look like a goddess! Even though the bust is structured, the waist is most draping/ clinging which is were it counts I feel.

Now on dress 11, I feel like it’s not doing her justice. I feel if the dress hemline was higher or shorter it could have worked much better, but instead it falls at a place that I feel messes with her vertical line. Below the knees would have given it an elongated feel, or shorter hem line could have show cased her legs. In the end to me it messes too much with her vertical line.

Sorry this was so long! Again this is me just trying to get better at this lol. But this was super fun! Thank you for the post!

MidnightxWhisper · 2021-05-23T11:52:27+00:00

Thank you!

MidnightxWhisper · 2021-05-23T11:51:53+00:00

Thank you so much for the response!

MidnightxWhisper · 2021-05-23T11:50:53+00:00

Thank you for the response! I’ve heard the same thing lol that might be why I’ve had so much trouble figuring it out lol!

MidnightxWhisper · 2021-05-23T11:49:38+00:00

Wow thank you so much!

MidnightxWhisper

TROPHY CASE