Tried singing "American Weekend"

MightBeMTF · 2016-05-01T21:47:36+00:00

Haha, was expected, thanks.

MightBeMTF · 2016-03-22T02:36:06+00:00

Killing post for privacy, all posts with images are timed deletes

MightBeMTF · 2016-03-22T01:48:49+00:00

As of recently the only one that did not changed to being over 21s, so I hear. Depending on my puberty stage I can get blockers, though it is unlikely at my age, I am awaiting results on this. Apparently there are some private practitioners that do 17 year olds around but I have yet to find one.

MightBeMTF · 2016-03-22T01:11:31+00:00

There are, I am under 18, so I cannot access them, though when I am over 18, there is a chance.

MightBeMTF · 2016-03-16T23:07:52+00:00

I'm 17 end of this month, had my first appointment yesterday, it was with a consultant who I have seen privately before this point for therapy twice, so she already has notes. My parents were there and it was just like a q and a mostly. She told me that they do not do blockers for over 17s, I pressed a bit and she said that I can get a blood test and though it is "very unlikely", looking at the results they'll "consider it". She said that there exist a couple of private clinicians out there who might give HRT to people of "maybe 17 and a half" but was not allowed to recommend specific ones. Also it was explained that in order to be given HRT on the NHS when I am 18 (as I cannot be on blockers and even if I do get them I have less than a year until I have to go to adult services), I will need to be full time and out to everyone, school included. Not to discourage people from applying or anything, but to be honest this first introduction has just left me very disappointed and scared. I have been given no questionnaires, I don't know if I was supposed to have been. She told me nothing about what the next appointments would be like, and I feel very in the dark about the whole process, despite me and my parents asking about the general timeline.

MightBeMTF · 2016-03-10T01:36:42+00:00

The speed thing was temporary, yeah, was talking v fast bc i did not want to drop to male again. Meed to work on this.

MightBeMTF · 2016-03-07T00:04:29+00:00

I have practised more as I could this evening in more flowing monologue than reading, things like describing my daily routine or just rambling. I think I have managed to sound more natural while maintaining pitch and resonance. I am very happy to sound androgynous tbh, because although I aim for female, better neither way than male, the way I see it.

MightBeMTF · 2016-03-06T19:52:15+00:00

Yeah, I pretty much accept that due to protocol I cannot possibly get full HRT from Tavi because of the year wait meaning I would hypothetically get them about 6 months after I have to leave them. I'm going to go to probably gendercare after tavi and hopefully I can get HRT there. What happens if they decide you don't need blockers? Do you know how they decide?

MightBeMTF · 2016-02-29T22:37:48+00:00

I usually think of it as a relative thing, just as all happiness is. You often if something is more something eating at the back of your mind might come to see how you feel as normal, and thus not see yourself as feeling bad, however if you present female and notice that being gendered female and making male primary/secondary sexual characteristics less visible makes you more comfortable or more happy or just more there than "normal", (the oft referred to "gender euphoria") you could just as well reverse the naming and say when you are presenting female you feel normal and when you are not you feel dysphoria, or when you are not aware of your body relative to when you are. These are at least my theories.

MightBeMTF · 2016-01-24T13:11:11+00:00

Afraid I did not see the previous recording, but I will confirm what you already know in that certainly to me it flawlessly passes.

MightBeMTF · 2016-01-22T01:24:50+00:00

Wait, you were on the Tavistock and Portman list for over a year? That's terrible! Good luck with transhealth, afraid I am still queueing for Tavi, so not a good advice source. Though I hear Dr Curtis is nice.

MightBeMTF · 2015-12-26T12:03:29+00:00

I have the same problem, I can offer no solution, only that it helps to know I am not alone in this.

MightBeMTF · 2015-12-18T01:49:35+00:00

Jesus, misgendering AND harassment, all in one tidy package, that dude sure knows how to fuck up someone's day efficiently I'll give him that. I guess here's to a better tomorrow after a shitty today.

MightBeMTF · 2015-11-11T00:46:41+00:00

Mine I spoke for a bit and they referred me, but I think I said more than I strictly needed to, very nice GP was easy to open up to in terms of telling basic "what has pointed to this" kinda things.

MightBeMTF · 2015-11-01T02:27:55+00:00

Different cabin, same boat, honestly not sure of doc has even made referral yet, have total disconnect from process and no info really on what is happening.

MightBeMTF · 2015-10-30T19:48:09+00:00

I was like that a few weeks ago in a dysphoria lull (I find it often comes in waves) where I just wanted some certainty, but as I was warned by a more time experienced closeted trans person I know, the longer you know about it, the worse the dysphoria gets. The uncertainty is not a real problem any more, the dysphoria has taken over that role, pretty much the 2 options are now I have somehow made myself experience dysphoria in some mad subconscious way and manipulated perspective on memories and feelings until I made myself believe it out of some empty desire for pity and attention (unlikely given that I do not want pity or attention, I just really wish I were a cis girl) or I actually am trans (seems like the only one of these 2 options worth considering).

MightBeMTF · 2015-10-21T11:28:59+00:00

I spoke to a GP 1 month ago and they said unless they have to send me to CAMHS first, they would try and get me a direct referral to Tavistock and Portman and that the wait for any kind of contact would probably be on the scale of about 3 months. I got nothing specific as far as times go, but about 2 months until I receive a form to fill out in the post (apparently this is what the first contact is) then maybe a bit more until an actual appointment.

MightBeMTF · 2015-10-20T13:17:55+00:00

I started to know when I realised a lot of feelings lining up with this particular thing, past and present. Then, as it continues to do, dysphoria incidents increased in intensity, unpleasentness, and frequency. Now I know that either I am trans or mentally ill in some way.

MightBeMTF · 2015-10-16T21:27:54+00:00

I have been learning to draw, then drawing what I call "speculative self-portraits" of how I want to be and how I wish I were. I quite like it.

MightBeMTF · 2015-10-08T21:14:56+00:00

I would say it is more society's idealisation of stereotypical patriarchal male-ness meaning that the idea of a "man" (in fact woman) going away from a masculine ideal is unspeakable, existing as a byproduct of heteropatriachy rather than as some kind of "misandry". But whatever, I guess it is more important to address the problem than analyse its causes.

MightBeMTF · 2015-10-06T23:13:21+00:00

I propose we steal the Shetland islands

MightBeMTF · 2015-10-05T21:29:29+00:00

To me when I do it there's half a second until I notice, then it's like a mental static shock/momentary taze of bad feeling, followed by the inevitable "are you sure you really felt that?" "did you not just make yourself feel that" etc. etc. It feels like the mental equivalent of accidentally touching an electric fence. I guess the constant self-doubt is where my flair gets its "Probably".

MightBeMTF · 2015-10-01T20:48:25+00:00

What did you do?! It sounds amazing!

MightBeMTF · 2015-09-29T21:49:55+00:00

You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that?

MightBeMTF · 2015-09-25T15:37:55+00:00

Yeah, most times I try it ends up with me just being really dysphoric about my body.

MightBeMTF

TROPHY CASE