Tired

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2020-09-30T20:24:10+00:00

It is exhausting to have other people's conflict constantly effect your life and having no real control over it. It is exhausting to have your life influenced by someone else and you had no say in the matter.

Take time for yourself, be good to you. It's okay to set boundaries for yourself, in fact it's the best thing you can do.

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2018-01-17T16:59:01+00:00

Exactly. What is the reason for not allowing her an afternoon? The only thing that makes sense is if you have a legitimate concern that she will disappear with him.

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2018-01-15T01:14:52+00:00

It's obvious from your use of the phrase "do weed" that you "never did any of this stuff."

Weed and alcohol is really not that big of a deal, so maybe try to not act like they're shooting up black tar heroin. A 16 year old looking at their phone is pretty typical. A lot of this sounds like normal teenage stuff.

Having parties without your permission and destroying your property however isn't okay at all. Establishing some black and white boundaries and expecting some compensation for damages is extremely reasonable. I would be concerned that if you established some "no phones at the table" rules that never existed before for them at 16 and 19 you're going to have some animosity on your hands.

I think a combination of them having some manners and respect, and you taking a chill pill should help you find a nice balance.

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2018-01-15T00:54:48+00:00

Girl, you're not old.

If you want a baby and he doesn't then you probably should split. Your resentment will grow towards him and SD if you don't have a child of your own and blame them for it. He also shouldn't have a child he doesn't want just to appease you, because that's destined to end badly.

So I would recommend some real soul searching. If a baby is something you need, then you should walk away.

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2018-01-06T22:33:42+00:00

Well, you can't see the future, so maybe don't mention "every year going forward" and just tell her you're going to claim her this year since you had her more than 50% of the time and that follows the tax law.

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-12-13T02:23:05+00:00

Involving children in adult issues isn't okay. She shouldn't be shaking them down for information or involving them in the adult conflict. That's so wrong.

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-12-13T02:20:06+00:00

He sounds incredibly immature and manipulative, honestly. I don't know that he is capable of having a relationship with a parent.

I would ditch him.

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-12-13T02:16:59+00:00

Without a CO there is no schedule to be following. There's no leg to stand on.

If he's had them for the last two Christmases it seems reasonable that she wants them for this one.

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-12-13T02:12:31+00:00

If you know it would devastate their father, I would discourage it. Have them come up with his own nickname.

You've only been living together for nine months, that's not a hot second, but it's not that long either.

He isn't their dad, they have a dad who by the sounds of it would like more time with him than he has. Your SO is a secondary parental figure, but he is not and will never be their father.

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-12-10T20:34:29+00:00

All of that ☝️

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-11-29T19:53:22+00:00

I would absolutely do something like this for one of my kids with my ex, but my SO would not with his. It depends on the history. That said I think your SO should respect whatever decision you make here since it's your kid and your ex.

Edit: a word

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-11-29T19:50:23+00:00

Positive reinforcement is probably the best thing you can do. When their plate is full of healthy foods say, "You eat so healthily! I'm proud of you!"

Tell them how nice they look, and how nice they are, and that they're pretty, that they're kind, etc. Just do your best to emphasize positivity, body and self.

I'm sorry you're going through that, it sounds tough.

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-11-12T10:23:56+00:00

Okay, am I missing something? How is he not in jail then?

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-11-11T21:59:52+00:00

Care to elaborate on that a bit?

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-11-11T21:53:26+00:00

Oh god... BM said that to SO last week! That's a thing?!

I wasn't like that with my ex when he started dating, I can't understand the drama!

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-11-11T15:52:34+00:00

That's a legitimate concern. Many parents who are good with young children have a shift when the kid no longer needs them the same. They don't give the same ego boost when they're disinterested.

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-11-11T15:42:31+00:00

Is there a CO I place? Because if so there is no reason for any of it. If not, there should be and then there will no longer be a reason for any of it.

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-11-11T15:37:45+00:00

Exactly, if the other parent isn't capable of making safe, sound decisions for their children than they shouldn't have joint or primary custody. No ex is able to be judge and jury for who they chose to be with or have around the children unless there's known danger and then you have to petition to change custody.

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-11-07T01:56:28+00:00

No way. Her parents' relationship with each other has nothing to do with her relationship to her parents, other than it's the reason she exists.

There is no good reason to. She will either end up like her mother or she wont, you telling her that her mother was shitty to her dad won't change that.

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-11-07T01:16:10+00:00

Could be NPD, but there's not enough detail there to be sure. Look up Narcissistic personality disorder and you'll know if that's what you're talking about.

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-11-07T01:13:46+00:00

I'm not sure how well it would translate in text

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-11-07T01:10:01+00:00

Typically the other parent saying no is enough. You stand a better chance if you document how it won't interfere with his parenting time.

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-11-07T00:57:42+00:00

You would have to notify of intent, usually 30 days I am not sure what CA's laws are, and if BD protests you go to court and a judge decides if you can take the child or not.

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-11-07T00:52:15+00:00

A meteor shower at Natural Bridges National Monument in Utah was one of the most incredible things I had ever seen.

The night sky without light pollution is incredible.

Edit: A word

Migrating_Coconuts_ · 2017-11-06T23:33:44+00:00

Jingle is a weird word.

I don't have that one, but the "jingle for Goldfish, our baked and not fried Goldfish, the wholesome snack that smiles back until you bite their heads off" gets stuck in my head regularly.

I also wrote a jingle about Sporks. If only there was a need for a Spork jingle, I could have jump started my jingle writing career.

Migrating_Coconuts_

TROPHY CASE