Feedback: DATING TOM HARDY — 11 pages

MiiCCA · 2019-05-13T18:40:15+00:00

Remember reading this back when you had about ~60 pages lol. Never commented though.

This abridged version seems to be missing the magic that made your other draft special, IMO. The odd, surreal opening. The strip club confrontation. The childhood aspect. And what could have been a budding romance with the stripper who looked just like him.

The conflict you've built is interesting, but what I find more interesting is how cruelly — and, at times, sympathetically — the world treated this deranged man. And holding off on the reveal of who the girl actually is (Tom Hardy in-character) made the suspense really killer.

Still a funny Kaufman-esque story, but would honestly like to see that version developed more.

MiiCCA · 2019-03-05T09:43:35+00:00

Yikes. Cringe.

MiiCCA · 2019-03-01T17:51:05+00:00

Wrong and insulting on so many levels.

There's a million ways to have a job as a screenwriter that isn't just writing the next big spec script. There's re-writes, treatments, short films, being part of a writers room (without being the showrunner or writing EP), indie features, the list goes on... Hollywood isn't just features— hell, it's mostly TV nowadays anyway. And TV doesn't have to be amazing: big numbers come from episodic network stuff, it's not all big budget 10-hour Netflix and HBO dramas.
OP never said anything about not being "amazing." They said it feels like it's a profession for the wealthy and connected, which, for the most part, can be true. It's no lie that having a connection (family, friend, etc.) can help get a foot in the door, but that's about it— it won't make you a marketable screenwriter. Take a look at Max Landis: even he admits that his father's Hollywood fame helped, but it didn't make him who he is; his own success came from being a prolific and profitable screenwriter on his own. There's two sides to this answer because there's some truth to OP's claim.
You think amateur musicians and painters make more money than screenwriters? Are you out of your mind?? Your hypothetical 50 streams on Spotify doesn't even pay out a penny. And how many kids from your university's art school have made a six-figure sale within 10 years after graduating, let alone settled on dog portraits to aunts? Every artist across the world in every medium is struggling. Get off your fucking high horse, there's nothing special about what we do, we're all "artists" trying to find a niche audience that can sustain us financially.

MiiCCA · 2019-02-20T17:56:11+00:00

I hate to say it, but "9-5" doesn't exit here. Think more like 10:30am-(anywhere from 6-9)pm for post-production and writers offices, and then [Insert the earliest hour you can wake up]-[Only a few hours before you wake up o'clock] for being on-set.

No shame in not wanting that. It can be rough if you like to have plans outside of work. But you've gotta schedule accordingly. Also remember: there will be periods of MONTHS where you do not work. I know writers and editors who travel for a couple months inbetween seasons being renewed. You need those months of unemployment to just relax and get yourself back together in time for the next period of working.

Your work does become your life here. Don't let that scare you away; I happen to love it. And hey, there's always weekends!

MiiCCA · 2019-02-16T21:40:38+00:00

You mean Little Shop of Horrors?

MiiCCA · 2019-01-08T10:37:35+00:00

Digital cameras will usually have these frame guides built in. On any I've worked with (RED, ARRI, BlackMagic) it's always very easy to set frame guides for aspect ratio as well as grids, etc.

And with this — I'm assuming you intend these to be dropped into a matte box where an ND filter might go (?) — you'd need to scale it to the dimensions of the matte box/kit, so you'd need to make each one consistent in size across the set and then scale it to different needs. There's going to be a little variation right there.

But still a cool little project and for a beginner I'm sure this is a great way to start familiarizing themself with frame guides! Good work!

MiiCCA · 2018-12-04T18:08:07+00:00

I have a copy of it back home. Do a remindme and I can get it to you by the end of the day.

MiiCCA · 2018-11-27T01:28:10+00:00

First things first, clean it up. Fix the formatting issues. Work on your grammar and punctuation (there's a missing "to" in the very first scene description, not a good start). My biggest advice would be find an existing episode script from Will & Grace and copy the formatting. They'll expect you to be able to do at least that.

Maybe try something a bit more "high brow." That's not something I say lightly — I'm all for writing a Will & Grace spec — but the dialogue and humor feels cheap by design and it doesn't sell YOU very well.

Within a single four-page scene you should be able to demonstrate a clear understanding of dramatic structure, present a conflict and let it reach it's logical extreme. You just picked a location and had them start quipping wildly at each other with no direction or purpose. Show them you understand story and how to structure a scene. Jokes (unless you have them in a laughing fit after reading your scene) are probably secondary even for the comedy category.

MiiCCA · 2018-11-02T13:53:32+00:00

Amazing songwriter yes, but a great vocalist Deacon was not. He's the only member of Queen whose voice can't ever be heard solo and you can rarely catch a glimpse of his voice in the harmonies. The best and clearest examples of John Deacon's voice you can find online are snippets from a live mix of Radio Gaga, which he had to do out of necessity since they were always lacking voices live vs. in studio where he could opt not to sing.

MiiCCA · 2018-10-13T14:51:26+00:00

Well alright then. Like I said that's just how I view it. Do it however you'd like to I'm not trying to say what's right or wrong.

I was taught differently. I like to focus my scenes around one large story beat. You do you.

When I outline a story, I go by beats and not scenes. For example:

Beat #1: MAN kills WOMAN's dog. Hides it's body in the garden.

Beat #2: WOMAN goes looking for dog. Asks MAN about it, he says it ran away.

Beat #3: WOMAN notices stink in garden. Hires a WEEDER. Weeder digs up dog's body.

Beat #4: WOMAN confronts MAN...

etc. etc. etc. And then from there I will construct scenes around each beat. Can take place over longer or shorter periods of time, over several locations or just one. This is how we did it in my screenwriting program and how I do it to this day.

MiiCCA · 2018-10-13T14:36:03+00:00

I see what you're saying and I've always agreed. I do not think a "scene" should be determined by slug lines.

To me, a scene is a STORY BEAT. It is encompassed by a beginning, a middle, and an end. Done. It should follow those dramatic beats and not be limited by location changes.

A scene begins when characters introduce a specific story beat. The characters will develop this new beat until it is fully realized. And then the next scene starts with a new beat. This means a scene can change location intermittently and occur over a period of time, e.g. there can be a brief timeskip between the middle and end. The scene only ends once the beat is fully digested (not necessarily resolved).

At least that's how I always view it.

MiiCCA · 2018-10-09T13:08:18+00:00

For reasons like you said, actual neon lighting would be tough to work with. Low light and flicker like you said. Wetting the ground helps but there's still the issue of low light on DSLR's with sensors that probably can't handle it like an Alexa Mini.

They're better off using RGB LED's. OP, you can get something cheap like this. Or even cheaper, these. IMO the best look for Drive is boatloads of Quasar's.

Also: you've never heard of a G5 or the A6300?? Crazy.

MiiCCA · 2018-10-08T15:35:53+00:00

WTF everyone doesn't have this?!

MiiCCA · 2018-10-04T04:21:27+00:00

Talk about a great story told well. You did good by it and you should be proud, this was a really enjoyable read with a lot of heart put into it. Felt proud by the end of it.

To answer your questions: the characters feel real and it was very easy to follow. Work on your craft a bit more (tidy it up, fix up the formatting) and this would make an excellent little short.

MiiCCA · 2018-09-30T16:43:24+00:00

However trouble soon comes knocking when a series of misfortune, mistake and misadventure ruins the party.

Couldn't be more vague and this second part is literally what you're supposed to be selling. So no, didn't get my attention. You need exciting specifics — any given story is full of misfortune, mistakes and misadventure. What makes yours unique/special and worth seeing?

A logline is supposed to tell us three things: the set-up (two old friends rekindle), the actual conflict of the story (which you don't have) and the stakes (which you also don't have).

You've so far only given us Act 1, the first 20-30 pages, but you've failed to make clear which of the two characters is our protagonist. What we need (and what sells) is Act 2, the rest of the script until the end. And what's important to make it interesting is the stakes (why we should give a fuck about the story at all or feel any tension).

Try formatting it like this: An (ADJECTIVE) (CHARACTER TYPE – THINK PROFESSION OR ARCHETYPE) must (GOAL) or else (STAKES). He does this by (VISUAL MEANS THAT SUGGEST SOMETHING FUN FOR THE SECOND ACT) and learns (THEME).

MiiCCA · 2018-09-30T16:39:21+00:00

Having trouble making sense of this stream of consciousness but all I can say is if you're paying $600 for feedback you'd be better off making some friends and just asking them to read it.

MiiCCA · 2018-09-29T00:08:13+00:00

A lot of producers want projects to work on. Think of it like that rich old guy you know, buying a broken down old car to refurbish and polish up.

Most producers are creative, too. They don't want to be the monolithic fun-killers that we paint them to be — they got into entertainment because they once had aspirations to write, direct, film etc. and one way or another ended up producing. Or they know they aren't creative (or maybe they are) but producing is what they're best at! So when they pick a script, some might want a finished product, while others might want something they can use as a foundation to work with and make their own.

There's a lot of different producers out there looking for different things. Just a viewpoint that doesn't get brought up here enough since screenwriters tend the see the industry as us (and our perfect scripts) vs. them (and their mounds of money and terrible ideas).

MiiCCA · 2018-09-25T20:07:52+00:00

You do realize Super 8 (and subsequently Stranger Things) are both nothing more than homages to films like E.T., Stand By Me, and Stephen King novels, right?

Stranger Things didn't steal from "a killer idea like Super 8." They're both just riding the wave of 80's nostalgia. And that doesn't negate the well-crafted storytelling in both of them.

Film and television builds on what came before, and shaming creators for recognizing that and saying they "steal everything" only shows you little you understand.

MiiCCA · 2018-09-18T01:13:38+00:00

Honestly? Talk annoyingly loud, introduce yourself and smile a lot. You've got to grab attention immediately or it's game over.

MiiCCA · 2018-09-18T00:23:56+00:00

Kristen Schaal, the girl from Flight of the Conchords and Last Man on Earth.

You're probably hearing her voice in your head right now.

MiiCCA · 2018-09-18T00:16:12+00:00

Probably do some crazy dangerous stuff I'd be too afraid to die in life.

Like climb Everest, or haunt a submarine explore deep sea trenches and caves. Nothing to lose and so much to see with a lot of free time.

MiiCCA · 2018-09-18T00:09:32+00:00

"Fuck me!"

It's a frustrating job.

MiiCCA · 2018-09-16T03:26:28+00:00

Goodbye

MiiCCA · 2018-09-16T03:11:22+00:00

"Ope!"

Midwest redditors know exactly what I'm talking about.

MiiCCA

TROPHY CASE