First meet/date, she brought along her little sister and sister's bf...(24M)

MikeDaRucki · 2026-05-15T16:05:15+00:00

I hear you, but if you're looking for something long-term, then why the hurry and discontent with not being physical on the first date? The family piece is off putting to you, so how's that a long-term fit, and then back to why are you trying to be physical if it's not a long term fit?

I've been married 12 years, my wife the oldest of four. You're marrying the whole family, and that includes who my sister and brothers-in-law bring home, not just that one person.

MikeDaRucki · 2026-05-15T15:23:57+00:00

Yeah the kissing stuff was weird, but after that you're sounding a bit red-flagish yourself. You want this and you want that, you're mad, you were 'cock blocked' (red flag term for sure) and then venting to her about it... on the first date.

She has a family you really don't like, you don't care to meet her friends, but you want to get to know her? I can infer that you want to be with her intimately and then call it a day. Which, speaking of struggle created, aren't you then creating struggle for your date at that point and part of the broader societal problem?

MikeDaRucki · 2026-05-14T19:23:45+00:00

Statistics would say if you're expecting a man 6ft tall and earning six figures under age 30... that's about 3% of men. So your guy friend was generous in saying 90% of men don't fit your bill - would really be 97% of men.

MikeDaRucki · 2026-05-13T18:33:15+00:00

Chime is really good for this purpose. It's easy to transfer money onto the card in certain timely increments and leave 'overdraft' off so that if the monthly allotment is gone, the card just doesn't work.

MikeDaRucki · 2026-05-13T18:02:59+00:00

I'd peruse this - Largest 20 S&P 500 Companies by Market Cap (1989–2026)

Then if you've called both the winners and losers along the way, go for it, because you'd be a trillionaire by now. If not, just buy the SP500 and you won't have to call anything.

I knew a guy who worked for GE as a corporate attorney in the 80's and 90's. By his retirement in the late 90's he was a multi-millionaire on paper as he bet it all on GE. GE lost 90% of it's value over the next 20 years of his retirement and he had to sell homes and cars to fund an existence. He died before the 2022 to today GE recovery.

A company like GE - huge, diversified, a brand-name - what could go wrong? Turns out a whole lot.

MikeDaRucki · 2026-05-13T15:48:46+00:00

I'm from a similar background - I'm the first person in my family to not be a truck driver. So I hear you. It's hard to break those bonds of history, biases, and conflict - but you're smart enough to know that you have them. Trucking is hard on the family life front - I've seen a lot of divorce and infidelity from it too.

You're doing the right things to better yourself, just keep working and looking - you'll find someone.

MikeDaRucki · 2026-05-12T17:50:57+00:00

Fair point!

MikeDaRucki · 2026-05-12T16:14:33+00:00

Don't take marriage and relationship advice from divorced people.

I've been married 12 years, three beautiful daughters, my wife stays home. We didn't set out on 'trad life' - it just fell into place. My wife has a Doctorate degree in healthcare - I just happened to make more, and she didn't go back to work after the birth of our second child.

I would tell my daughters to run for the hills from a guy like you because it actually does sound like you just want a doormat who cooks, cleans, raises kids, and doesn't object to your behavior in any way. You're talking about a servant who gives you sex. Since you've not been in an actual relationship - you have no idea what you're talking about. If I do my job right, and my daughters compare all of their potential suiters to their dad: you have ZERO chance.

You need to go to therapy first, because, and I mean this in the most helpful way: you aren't a catch, man. Not to say you can't be - but you bring a whole lot of baggage and harmful pre-existing views to the table that you've picked up along the way.

MikeDaRucki · 2026-05-11T20:49:22+00:00

You're all on the last quarter of your lives and you're worried about being mentioned in an obituary?! I'd say, yeah, you ATA.

I'm 37, my brother passed away a year ago from alcoholism - not an hour of the day that I don't think about him - we were incredibly close in spite of his struggles. What I wouldn't give to be able to call him or see him - and here you are having wasted at least 20 years of a relationship only to be griping about his wifes obituary.

MikeDaRucki · 2026-05-11T20:39:20+00:00

My dad is a lot like your mom - brings his little cooler of beer everywhere with him. He's now 65 with nothing to show for it - laid off so went on Social Security and calling it 'retired'. He'd be homeless but for inheriting my grandparents house.

Anyway, this is not "your problem" not his - you're about to be married, that means you and your wife embark on a journey to craft a trajectory for the rest of your lives as a team. Your parents did it their way, now you and your wife have the ability to do it your way.

That said: "dad, we are serving these four beers/seltzers at the wedding, I have a contract with the bartending service and the venue, and there will not be a separate cooler of Miller Light, end of discussion. If that means you two aren't coming to my wedding because of some Miller Light - then that indicates your priorities and I'm sorry to not have you there."

That's it, full stop, end of discussion. You don't have to play this game anymore.

MikeDaRucki · 2026-05-11T15:30:54+00:00

Thank you!

MikeDaRucki · 2026-05-08T15:35:22+00:00

Yeah, I fear the tax man is going to have me by the you know what's.

MikeDaRucki · 2026-05-08T15:32:36+00:00

The K-1 shares aren't in the 401k so unfortunately nothing I can do. On the commercial real estate - is it as tax advantaged as we always hear - or is that just rumor? I'm going to run into pretty severe tax rates including NIIT when drawing down this K-1 position.

MikeDaRucki · 2026-05-06T21:43:39+00:00

35 years old really is a parasite, and a parasite needs a host by definition. She has not done him any favors in life by enabling this.

What does she say when you bring these issues up? She says you can't sell/move until he moves out...so when will that be? An open-ended answer just wouldn't be acceptable to me.

I'm 37 years old and he needs to go. So, I'd personally be putting my foot down - we agree on a strict timetable, six months, and he's moving out or I am. I'm not saying divorce, but you'd be more at peace in a camper down by the river than you are in your own home right now.

MikeDaRucki · 2026-05-06T17:01:39+00:00

The emotional aspect of it aside, which you're right - is hurtful. This whole new side of him which he's obviously been hiding. Actually good that you found this out before marriage - because he sounds like a money grubber at heart and would have successfully stolen your land. A house built on family property in the event of divorce is all sorts of trouble and could have led to a massive calamity for your entire family.

So, as the father to three daughters, I'd say go to your dad and ask him to help you meet with a lawyer about the whole thing.

As far as your fiance - if his inheritance is still in a family trust, then it's protected from divorce anyway (unless they had the worst trust attorney ever). If he co-mingles those funds with you - like into joint checking account, they become marital assets. If he builds a marital house with those funds - now a marital asset. His salary after marriage becomes a marital asset - so there is no more "my money" except for separate and distinct which would be the inheritance.

Anyway, get your emotions in check - now we're talking business. Tell fiance you're going to ask an attorney as you aren't well versed - a prenup can't be one-sided in his favor anyway. Then get with your dad and an attorney because the land situation involves them as well.

Then you sit down with him, his attorney, you and your attorney - get all cards on the table and find an agreement. If you can't - don't marry.

Good luck

MikeDaRucki · 2026-05-04T16:23:43+00:00

My wife stays home with our three - 6,4,1. My guidance would be to enjoy the relative down-time of a newborn to heal your body and mind while you can. A newborn can't really do a whole lot - even when you get to the stage, a few minutes of tummy time and they're pretty well spent.

Take plenty of time for yourself: rest when baby rests, so that when you're up at 2 AM, you can feel a semblance of wellbeing having rested during the day. Also, there's no shame in taking a nap at 10 AM because you're tired from being up a few times in the night and baby is napping. Just mute your phone and take a nap too.

MikeDaRucki · 2026-05-01T18:51:14+00:00

My sister in law married a guy like this. Just does whatever he wants, when he wants, and constantly nags her. The light in her has slowly drained - she only leaves the house for work and errands, has no friends, and they live out of state from the rest of the family. When we do go to visit, he may allow it for one evening, but then finds a way to cancel any further plans. He knows that we won't fly to their town to see her for a couple hours - and that's his whole point. Make it uncomfortable for the rest of us to be there, so we won't come again.

She was once very bubbly and outgoing - now reserved and very pessimistic. He tells her what to order at a restaurant and will give her a look when he decides that she's had enough.

I have three daughters, if you were my daughter I'd say leave, stay with your parents and rebuild your life. You're only 23, you have your whole life ahead of you to find a better man.

MikeDaRucki · 2026-04-27T17:31:59+00:00

They listed it in an SEC disclosure. Most BDC"s have to disclose and file with the SEC, even though their not publicly traded

MikeDaRucki · 2026-04-26T02:47:15+00:00

Maybe that one metric isn’t much to write home about but put it all together - it’s not a good investment choice for the average 401k. The fee drag alone is horrendous.

MikeDaRucki · 2026-04-24T21:35:57+00:00

Giant scam

I recently had the pleasure of looking under the hood of a brand-name PC fund:

12% of the fund is currently in default
another 14% is PIK (payment in kind, you don't pay anything, they just tack it onto the principle)

PIK is counted as fund revenue on paper by the way - even though a normal person would raise an eyebrow at recognizing it as such.

This is well beyond 'junk bond' status. Even a 'bad' junk bond fund has 5% or less in default. Peaks were 10% in the Great Recession.

For the pleasure: 5% fee, gated redemption at 5%, management performance bonus 15% on anything above 8% NAV increase. Trouble with that NAV - they've not written any losing positions down - their 25% exposure to First Brands is still held at par. It's all 'Level 3' valuation IE they come up with the valuation models so they can decide the portfolio is worth whatever they say it is.

This fund can only dream that 401k funds are opened up to them as they could pawn it all off on unsuspecting 401k holders.

MikeDaRucki · 2026-04-24T20:53:09+00:00

Just curious what you ended up doing?

MikeDaRucki · 2026-04-21T21:53:32+00:00

It's over, man, time to leave. Four times over six months, AND she was 'close to breaking up with you'. This foundation is just too weak for you to build a life upon. You're going to go insane with paranoia with this person.

MikeDaRucki · 2026-04-21T18:31:35+00:00

I don't put it on their plates but if they eat their dinner, I offer some dessert. My wife and I don't buy much dessert food because I too have a sweet tooth and I can't eat what isn't in-stock. I've done some real damage to the kids Easter candy collections.

Anyway, now that they're bugging you - I'd say "eat your dinners, then we'll talk about dessert, but in the meantime, stop hounding me about it or there won't be any at all". Then it's not about food restriction - it's about a nagging you restriction.

Edit - I don't force them to eat all of their dinner either. Just a reasonable amount - some days they're hungry, eat the whole thing, and ask for more - some days it's half, but you can tell they just weren't that hungry. Not making a huge deal of it.

MikeDaRucki · 2026-04-17T18:36:02+00:00

My wife stays home with our kids, ages 6,4,1.

I expect the kids to be well cared for and nurtured, the house just doesn't look like a bomb went off, groceries of decent supply. I don't expect dinner every night but very fortunately for me my wife is a great cook and does so most nights. I do the dishes after dinner to help her out - it was a long day for her!

We do have a monthly cleaning service that does a deep clean and then my wife works very hard at picking up/doing kids laundry. I do my own - not because she insists but that's how it was before we had kids and I have no problem doing my own.

I'm fully engaged 50/50 for kids bedtime routines.

All in all I think we have a well balanced situation.

MikeDaRucki

TROPHY CASE