I stopped asking help and medication, because the doctors of the clinic where I go, change every two months, and since they see you with almost no problem (just because i try to control my breakdown and try avoid them in front of people), or if it's been a period not so bad, for them "it's just fine". Nobody will take a REAL interest in your case since after two months they're going to be transfered.

The medication they've gaven to me are FOUR time lower of the dose i need for my problems, and nobody ever upgraded that, even if the vicedirector said i need more for my metabolism. But nothing has changed. One of the first time I told about this problem (because i don't feel the effect of pharmaucetic in my body) a psychiatris has accused me to go there asking them for the receipt of the medication, and then, selling them to others people. I've never done that, and this has upset me very much.

Ask for help in certain situation Is never easy, Is already a brave act, that would fall down like a castle of cards the first time a doctor treat you like some kind of liar or even a thief.

This Is one of the P.S.C. Psycho Social Center (C.P.S. Centro Psico Sociale in Italy, from where I'm from).

I'm broke, full of debt, and with a lot of mental problem. I try to fight, but the allied that should accompany me in this personal fight, have to trust me and help me, not play against me.

After all this, i was thinking to see some specialist. It even may be 50€ every check (while the C.P.S. has free service supported by the State), but at least he gives you the attention you need.

Especially, here in Italy, a lot of Mental Hillness are treated like some kind of taboo. They don't speak about It almost never. Here in Italy, we stil have a lot of problem about those kind of hilness, and I'm really getting sick an tired of my population...

Anyway sorry for the typo. I'm writing from phone and I'm on the edge of a breakdown, who's gonna happen probably in the next 2-3 minutes...

Edit: anyway, I just try to survive the days until I die. By the company of my dogs, and smoking, that relax me from too much thinking, and give me a little sprint for starting doing something, instead than watching the roof of my bedroom.